Zebras and Apple Martinis

(Dramatic Music) Last time on the Almighty Johnsons; Axl Johnson had a very special 21st birthday. He went from being a boy to a god…literally. He’s the avatar of Odin. Ty Johnson, the avatar of Hoor, the god of winter, is lonely. Ty hasn’t had much to do. Olaf Johnson, former Odin avatar also Axl’s cousin/grandfather, resident surfer dude has dealt out some prophecies. Anders Johnson, the human flesh form of Bragi, god of poetry, is a douchebag and a little creepy. He got Axl laid for the first time. Mike Johnson is the Ullr, god of games, and the boring one. He’s having problems with his wife making a baby. Lastly the goddesses are powerful and equals with the Johnsons but haven’t been seen very much, yet.


Following Axl’s special night with a cheerleader (It reminds me of the end of Lisa and the Devil but even creepier); Anders is pimping his brother. However Axl isn’t so into it. He met a cute girl, Sonja, at the library. She’s a nerdy librarian who claims to be Frigg. Also every woman there is checking out our hero like in an Axe commercial. Stacey, one of the goddesses, was getting Intel on Axl. She has a crush on our hero. He gets some advice from his cousin/grandfather. Olaf uses an analogy, where everyone is a zebra and Odin is god’s gift to zebras, thus women are into him. Ty bursts in with good news. He almost hooked up with a sexy lady named Helen. She’s different; when Ty is around her he feels warmth. He’s the winter god. He can’t feel anything but cold. She also makes special, magical apple martinis, this won’t come back. Olaf gleefully laughs like Santa Claus and tells them to go for their perspective ladies and calls Ty a reindeer. Oh yea, Olaf is Baldr now so he’s Axl’s son or something it’s weird and not explained.


The Johnson crew creepily lingers in the library analyzing this Sonja aka “Frigg” character. They almost get caught by Sonja then Axl asks her out…she says yes. Ty and Helen hang out again and finish what they started. Midway through he loses control and makes it snow. She isn’t freaked out. He has enough juice to keep going. Helen reveals herself to be Iounn, goddess of apples and youth. She makes everyone feel that special feeling around her. Ty tells Olaf his great news. It turns out that Helen is destined to be in a horrible relationship with Anders so they can never meet. Ty breaks up with her. Back to Axl, Sonja invites him to a god party. He needs to bring his magic sword. The party is for people that play a Norse mythology video game. He’s instantly disappointed but it turns out that one of the evil goddesses, the archer one aka Michele aka Sjofn goddess of love and mischief, is there. Axl finds her. Sjofn vs. Odin, Axl vs. Michele; they clash and destroy Sonja’s bedroom. The goddesses are determined to keep him from Frigg. New Zealand is their territory. Once the gods left the goddesses took over and ain’t giving up anything. It’s a draw and the Johnsons learn of their enemies, end of Episode 3, “God’s Gift to Zebras.”


Ty starts dating Dawn, Anders’ assistant. She hasn’t had much to do but now she’s relevant to the story. Anders is still pimping out Axl. It’s a little ridiculous that he hasn’t realized how much of a douche his brother is but soon he will finally see. Anders takes him to a big showbiz party where the big names in New Zealand are. These people include the local weather girl, an actor that starred in a few Disney movies, and the New Zealand Dr. Phil, Rosie. Axl doesn’t get laid this time but something happened between the Disney fellow and Dr. Rosie and it was filmed. Rosie wants the video destroyed but Anders sees dollar signs in exploiting her. He eases her down but secretly schemes. Ty and Dawn are on a cute little date. He’s encouraging her to quit because Anders is terrible. Whenever she tries to or is against something he uses his powers to charm her and keep her there. It’s really sinister and Ty is furious but keeps his cool. Dawn and Ty go collect a copy of the sex tape with a bunch of cash. The guy, Brian, shows up with the tape. His nametag says Brian, bad move buddy. You change out of clothes with your name when doing shady deals that’s common sense. Ty grabs the dumbass’s arm. He freezes it so much it burns. Dawn gets the tape. Anders learns that they’re dating and isn’t happy.


So Mike has a storyline in this one. He’s building a house and it’s not going well. It’s as boring as it sounds. Anders tries to ruin it later on and he does. Anders goes on a PR campaign to shame Rosie and Dawn angrily quits. In the meantime an old flame of Olaf’s by the name of Rhiannon visits. She’s pregnant and it’s Olaf’s baby. Mike tells Axl that there’s a routine for this situation, it’s old hat for them at this point. Olaf plans on leaving Rhiannon slowly, which is terrible. Axl is opposed to this. Olaf was once married to a mortal woman and it ended in disaster. Olaf looked the same and everyone grew old and died. Olaf leaves Rhiannon. Anders seduces Dawn back by sneaking into her flat and using his powers again. She isn’t shocked by him suddenly showing up out of nowhere. Mike hires Axl as an intern and won’t pay him, end of Episode 4, “You Gotta Love Life, Baby.”


I enjoyed these two episodes more than the previous two. The show has settled into a consistent tone, it manages the shifts between silly and serious better. I like that the goddesses are finally showing up and doing something. However, there is a problem that hasn’t been addressed. The only person in Axl’s flat with a job that we ever see is Shakira. She’s a nurse. Do nurses in New Zealand make that much money? Zeb the other guy is only seen partying. Axl just hangs out and tries to get laid. It’s never established if either of them has a job or not or even paying rent. Is Zeb a professional partier, if so how does that work out? Is he like a stripper but drinks and acts irritating instead of dancing in a sexual manner. I assume Mike pays Axl’s rent because he’s the responsible/boring/Cyclops one. Anders is too selfish. Ty is too cold and lonely. Olaf is too busy getting laid to care that much. I think I like this show now but not entirely sure. It’s watchable and moves quickly so there’s that. Next up, Episode 5, “This is Not Washing Powder, My Friend,” and Episode 6, “Goddesses, Axl, Come In All Forms.”

Spencer is a fiction writer that loves comedy, movies, old TV and movies, and other things most people don't care about.

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