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Super Bowl Ultra Mega Awesomely Spectacular Special Edition

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I’m celebrating an important milestone with the Rhymes With Nerdy page- 3 and a half weeks!  Woo-hoo!  Celebrate, good times, c’mon!  I’ve written four little ditties for this page so far (three published, but I know you’re salivating for the next), and I’m using the Super Bowl as an excuse to write an Ultra Mega Awesomely Spectacular Special Edition.

The reason being?  Nerds have begun the takeover of sports.  It started a few years ago, and it went unnoticed.  Jocks and the like didn’t see it coming, but they were betrayed by their own people- the NFL.  You see, many nerds are also sports fans.  Me personally, I have played the sports, and I enjoy watching some of the sports.  But there are others who mock the game of football and cannot be bothered to watch the biggest game on the planet.

Until those sneaky execs behind the game, and at movie studios, started advertising more than just beer.  Movie commercials have become some of the highlights of the game (and that is most definitely the case this year.  I’m finishing this during the third quarter and can’t believe the score).  In an effort to get that all important first box office weekend business (sadly the benchmark now of movies), some of the bigger tentpole flicks have had extended and premiered footage during the Super Bowl to reach one of the biggest single audiences during the year.

So, in honor of that, I’d like to do a little preview of some of the movies coming out the first half of this year that fit into the “genre” genre.  Not all of these movies had ads during the Super Bowl, and the list does not nearly represent all the movies I want to see or not see.  This is just a sampling.  Like the nachos at your Super Bowl party.

February

2/7- The Lego Movie

My whole next column is about this movie and the toys it’s based on.  So guess whether I think this looks awesome or not.  See this movie.the-lego-movie-poster

 2/12- Robocop

Yup, another reboot in a sea of reboots.  You have to think that there is room for it, though, 30 years after the fact.  Update things for the kids and their newfangled world.  I say that probably as the original Robocop isn’t a sacred cow to me.  The world of that flick and those that followed (TV show and mini-series included) was lots of fun.  This looks just as fun.  I went from skeptical to hell yeah real quick.

March

3/7- 300:Rise of an Empire

Going to guess it’s more of the same.  Same style, same slo-mo, but a different director.  It’ll drive my gay buddy nuts to see all those abs, and they added another good-looking lady (Eva Greene- who can also act I hear), for the men of a straighter persuasion.  This will probably eye candy and somewhat forgettable.

3/14- Need for Speed

Video game flicks don’t achieve much beyond campy cult status, unfortunately.  And The Fast and the Furious franchise kind of has this market cornered.  So what could this offer to set itself apart and not flop? Not sure, but the commercial sure looked spiffy.

 3/21- Muppets Most Wanted

It’s the Muppets.  Must watch.  That is all. [Also – TINA EFFING FEY!! – B.]

April

4/4- Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Never mind the Marvel juggernaut.  Never mind Cap’s First Avenger adventure was a throwback to some great movies and matched them in its own right.  This flick looks slick.  Anyone who saw the extended elevator fight scene immediately shut the front door about comedy directors handling an espionage thriller with the star-spangled hero.  I won’t waste too much time as I’ll probably get more into this movie as it gets closer.  This one is a no-brainer, though.

 4/17- Transcendence

Christopher Nolan’s cameraman makes a movie about Johnny Depp’s mind taking up residence in a computer.  Looks kinda fun.  We’ll give it a watch.

May

5/2- The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Another movie I’ll probably get into closer to release.  But for now, let’s just say it’s a go.  Are there possibly too many characters with too much going on?  Maybe.  But it also doesn’t have that hag Kirsten Dunst, and everybody isn’t crying every five minutes.  So far this incarnation of the franchise is batting the same average as the Raimi movies for me, and they’re only one movie in.

 5/16- Godzilla

Yup.  Again.  Giant monster destroying a major city.  Those Independence Day guys had a pretty good version on their hands in the 90’s, but this looks a little grittier, and a bit more epic.  The trailer had some good stuff in it, despite some obvious opportunities for major cheese.godzilla2014_poster2

 5/23- X-Men: Days of Future Past

This will hopefully answer many of the questions a few people from Missouri have about this franchise.  Any nerd who gets bent out of shape about these flicks is beyond help.  Have they done translated the comics to movies?  You betcha.  Have they done a good job?  Eh, so-so.  While some decisions, like to leave the spandex suits at home (seriously, geeks, SHUT UP about Wolverine’s mask and yellow suit) have been of benefit, others such as conflicting continuity have caused major headaches for filmmakers and fans alike.  Approach with caution, friends.

 5/30- Maleficent

Disney makes a move to re-energize another animated property with a live-action version.  Thus they cash in on the same story yet again, and the success of Once Upon a Time simultaneously.  Time will tell is it’s just another mediocre Alice in Wonderland, or something worthy like Enchanted.

June

6/6- Edge of Tomorrow

How in the hell does Tom Cruise act like such a doofus, make me look upon him as a crazy nut, and yet still get me to go see his movies??  Like him or not, the guy can pick projects.  He may have fluff like War of the Worlds under his belt, but this looks more on par with Minority Report and Oblivion, and that ain’t bad.

 6/13- How to Train Your Dragon 2

I honestly don’t remember much about the first one except there are dragons, the boy has a crush on a girl, and there’s a father-son storyline at the heart of it.  I do also remember laughing a lot and having a great time.  I’m sure this will be just as much fun.

 6/27- Transformers: Age of Extinction

I was ready to fully abandon this franchise if the Dinobots weren’t in this with a title like that.  But I saw a Dinobot on the TV during the Super Bowl.  Sure, my fav Transformer, Grimlock, looked a tad like a dragon, but it was a 2 second clip.  Once again, they sucked me in, most likely to be disappointed.  There is a huge love-hate relationship between fans of Transformers and these flicks.  It’s basically boiled down to making the most of a bad situation.

 

We can probably leave it at that for now.  I’ll do the last half of the year in June or something.  Right now I’m sick of my hyphen use (look at all of them in this piece).

So what I’m saying, if I’m saying anything at all, is nerds can enjoy the Super Bowl as much as the next guy or gal.  I’m also saying there’s a decent mix of movies looking to hit cinemas, and we’ll know which ones are worth it sooner than later.  Also, rest in peace PSH.  What a shame.

Adam is a sweet and loveable nerd residing in Minneapolis. But don't hold that against him.

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