There’s no surer sign that it’s going to be a bad movie than if Tom Arnold is billed. Maybe if b-roll accidentally catches him it could still be good, but when you’re intentionally asking him to perform, putting his name in the credits, plastering his fat face on the box, it’s fucked. Now, I’m sure
Continue reading…

Note: I drew a picture for you One of the downsides of SVU being the last Law & Order show on the air is that crossovers don’t happen much anymore. Yeah, there was that terrible five minutes where Ice-T and Rollins showed up in Chicago PD, but back in the good old days there’d be
Continue reading…

It came to my attention (read: an errant thought while hungover, staring at the ceiling) that this horror column has yet to cover a terrible sequel to a beloved classic. Carrie is one of the very best Stephen King adaptations, though that’s not saying much considering the likes of Dreamcatcher, Thinner, Secret Window, Under the
Continue reading…

Did you know?: Before Law & Order, Dann Florek lived in the Galapagos. There’s an inherent problem with Law & Order: Special Victims Unit addressing specific issues in an episode. The show is awful at original stories, and the “ripped from the headlines” formula especially grates when they decide to try out something completely unrelated
Continue reading…

It’s important to address Halloween when doing horror columns in October. After all, without it there’d be no connotations between the month and the genre. Divorced from Halloween, October is when a bunch of fucking teams you hate advancing in the MLB playoffs and increasingly irritating weather (woo Wisconsin!). When it came to choose a
Continue reading…