Here it is, my last recap of the Almighty Johnsons Season 1. Will the Norse gods finally get their powers back? Will Axl and Eva get along? Will the mystery of who pays for Zeb and Axl’s rent finally be answered? Will Anders stop being a douche? Will Ty and Dawn’s romance blossom into full Nicholas Sparks mode? Will I recap the other two seasons?

 

Here’s a quick catch up of the Johnson clan’s latest adventures; Zeb learned that Axl and his family are gods, Anders was irritating, Mike was really boring, Rob woke up from a coma and Gaia has a boyfriend now. For reference; Mike is Ullr, god of games and hunting, Anders is Bragi, god of poetry, Olaf is Baldr, god of light, Ty is Hoor, god of winter, Axl is Odin, allfather of the gods, Stacey is Fulla, Frigg’s handmaiden, Michele is Sjofn, goddess of love, Eva is Frigg, marriage goddess, Eva’s dad is Loki, the flimflammer, and Ingrid is Snotra, goddess of wisdom.

 

Episode 9, “Hunting Reindeer on Slippery Rocks,” starts with a montage of Michelle and Stacey prepping Eva for a special date. Anders is prepping his baby brother, Axl, for a special date. I wonder if these two totally different events are related. Axl and Eva have dinner at Dracula’s abandoned New Zealand home. It looks like a set from the Hannibal series. Their date starts out a little awkward. She complains about her dad being a prick, he’s basically Anders but the same, so naturally Axl decides to approach her dad for her without telling her. Her dad is a lawyer, a charming, trickster, Norse god lawyer. A Loki-like lawyer if you will. He scares Axl away, who scurries back to his grandpa/cousin, Olaf.

 

The brothers are curious about how Ty and Dawn have relations. It’s a little strange. Ty’s skin is cold all the time thus she assumes he has a health problem. So he sleeps and does other things in a winter coat. They can’t go for too long though because she’ll freeze to death. I wonder if this will return in anyway. Back to the main story, Loki visits his daughter, Eva, which upsets her. She assumes Axl made caused this. Axl tells her dad is a little bit of a sly trickster with a terrible soul patch. To spite him they get engaged. Gaia and Zeb are confused as they should be. Ty and Dawn are planning a tropical vacation but he loves the cold. How will they resolve this? They are still great and adorable. They get down to some sexy business. Afterwards she lays her finger on his neck as they fall asleep and nearly freezes to death. Ty discovers the horror in the morning.

 

Things get real boring here. Mike has to do boring Mike stuff. Loki gives him a marriage contract (a trick mayhaps) because of silly god stuff. Mike is skeptical. Olaf the oracle can’t read it, it’s in runes. He calls them ‘dancing trees.’ Olaf has to ask Ingrid but his brothers don’t trust her. She also thinks the runes are ‘dancing trees.’ Big problem who can read runes, Ingrid’s former boss, according to her it’s a perfectly, not suspicious at all, no tricks, safe ordinary marriage contract. It’s a bunch of traditional Norse god stuff. Ty is flipping out over Dawn. Zeb sneaks into Axl’s marriage contract signing. It’s a bunch of weird god stuff. Mike knows Zeb is there (then he gets nearly incinerated by the grill), the end.

 

Episode 10, “Like Jesus, Only Cooler,” Gaia and Axl patiently wait to see Zeb. Ty walks by with flowers. He breaks up with Dawn after giving her flowers. You know the classic, not confusing thing everyone does when breaking up. Ty walks out in a very dramatic fashion. Gaia and Axl finally act on their vigorous, regressed passions. Axl has reservations about the wedding, what will he do? The gods and goddesses are getting ready for a wedding party but while Mike is prepping, Val drops a truth bomb. She’s pregnant with Rob’s baby, the twist that no one saw coming.

 

The party is a formal affair where even Olaf is dressed up. Ty is very intense and cold. It gets worse when Eva arrives. They see each other and something happens. There’s a special connection between them, this won’t come up later. Every time Axl tries to talk to Eva, something keeps getting in the way. Axl lifts Anders ban on sex and he instantly goes for Michele. Ty and Eva argue very passionately but something weird happens. All the food around her decays as if it’s dying. That’s weird, is it a sign, yep. The boss goddess is finally given a name…Freya, goddess of prosperity. Axl cancels the wedding but that contract had a twist if a Johnson bro doesn’t marry Eva, Mike will die. I don’t see the problem but they want to save Mike for some dumb reason.

 

Eva is not Frigg, she’s Hel, goddess of the underworld and death. She’s overjoyed. Now, she’s queen of the Goths. Loki knew this the whole time, typical Loki. Ty has furious sex with Eva. Gaia and Axl’s magic is fading unfortunately, she leaves with Jacob to sort things out. Val and Rob leave to start a new interesting life together. Zeb is back. Ty marries Eva because they’re the same; moody and cold. Olaf, Axl, and Mike keep searching for Frigg. Mike decides to use his powers finally and stop being lame. Anders meets with Freya. He tries to bang her but she reveals herself to be…his mother, the end…of season 1.

 

I have a few thoughts on these episodes. By far the best episode so far was the finale. It was the type of crazy insanity I was hoping the whole show would have been. Tonally the last episodes felt like Big Trouble in Little China, where it started out relatively sane but things get exponentially crazier as it went along. The rest of the season however was like a rollercoaster with a couple of small, vaguely exciting hills every so often but not very often though. Mike finally wasn’t the blandest person on the planet. The big reveal of Eva being Hel wasn’t the shocking reveal they would be; given she’s a Goth, she’s a butcher, looks like Robert Smith, and wears exclusively black and fishnets.

 

Don’t get the wrong idea there were problems. The main thing that irks me is the mystery of who pays for Axl and Zeb’s rent is still unsolved however there’s a crack in the case. Zeb casually mentioned he flips burger all day but Axl is still a mystery. Axl’s behavior in these doesn’t fit a 21 year old. I get it’s about him growing up and accepting responsibility but he could of maybe gotten a job at same point to pay his fuckin rent. Who pays his rent? I just want to know who pays his bills. WHO?! This can be solved with just a line of dialogue, that’s all! At one point Ty was wearing a Jay Leno suit, denim on denim on denim. That being said, Ty and Dawn’s romance aka my favorite thing about the show was killed by the death goddess appropriately. It was clever but a little on the nose. There was too much Zeb. No one likes Zeb. He adds nothing. I don’t see the point of him. Axl’s flat should have been just him and Gaia, slowly falling for each other. There was too much story. Too much happened too fast. It felt like building up to this point, they suddenly remembered that they needed to wrap up the story with the last two episodes left and threw out too many ideas. That would explain the tortoise crawl of the first 4/5 of the season morphing into the rocket ship to Nicholas Ca-ageville.

 

It took me about 6 episodes to finally get into it. I liked it but it wasn’t great. That being said, it moved at a good pace. It never slogged too bad. My favorite characters were Dawn and the goddesses, specifically Eva. Where the brothers Johnson (don’t be gross) are stupid and petty. They don’t look like brothers at all. The goddesses, Michelle, Stacey, Freya (her human name wasn’t said), Eva, and Ingrid were actually cunning, smart and far more interesting than the dude bros ever were.

 

Anders being a douchebag can’t be stated enough, he’s a terrible person inside and out. I barely scratched the surface of him being a horrid, borderline sociopath. The overall story was dull and not fulfilling. It just dragged and felt empty. I never felt any dread or fear for the characters besides Ty and Dawn. There were spots of interesting stuff happening but it always veered back into stupid pretty quick. For example in the 9^th episode Zeb saw the contract ceremony from many feet away in the bushes but he knew exactly what was happening and saw every little detail. It made no sense and was never mentioned again. The acting was good enough except for Zeb. My final verdict on the series…I enjoyed it but won’t revisit it anytime soon.

 

Now, the real question, the most important question of all…Will I recap the rest of the series? I won’t say it’s a definite no. However, it’s not likely but maybe in the future. All seven of you loyal readers that actually read these, thank you.