Hannibal Groupwatch: Part 3 – The DeBraining


G.g. Launchbaugh I can’t see Hannibal driving a chevy pickup, that’s just ridiculous.

Kip Reed The Hannies I fell in love with would have color coordinated with that truck.



Ronnie Gardocki Truly, Anthony Hopkins is a man of a thousand hats



Brian Auron Scotch and Cheez-Its. Best way to obsess over something.

Brian Skinner She needs to stop listening to Hannibal’s Pandora station



Brian Skinner That’s probably sparkling pear juice – she so sensible

Kip Reed For someone that lives in utter fear of Hannibal coming back for her, she really goes lax on the security

Ronnie Gardocki This is like jazz: you have to think of the scenes this DOESN’T have. Ridley Scott’s opposed to typical desires to include “interesting scenes” in a film



Brian Skinner …I touched your left boob while you slept



Chris Jones Hannibal Lecter: Gadget Man.

Jody Skinner “Clarice – I was in your house – and I hope you feel threatened because next I’m going to – PLEASE DEPOSIT TEN CENTS”

Ronnie Gardocki “Old man prank phone calls Julianne Moore”



Brian Skinner I always feel like some cannibals watching me

Jody Skinner “…ain’t got no privacy, oh-woh-oh”

Ronnie Gardocki Jesus Christ, Hopkins, just read her fucking livejournal and jerk off, stop wasting people’s time

G.g. Launchbaugh She’s got him monologing



Brian Skinner Kill the trumpet guy



Brian Auron This is the weirdest place on earth. Shops, string quartets, trains, cannibals… It’s got everything.

Ronnie Gardocki “Clarice, are you looking forward to the next season of Orange is the New Black?”

Brian Skinner Please never stop monologuing – every word is genius

Kip Reed “Hannibal do you just want to fuck and get this over with or what?”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Not until I know for sure you aren’t the sister that the Nazis fed me

G.g. Launchbaugh wouldn’t Marco Polo be a classier way of him doing that?



Kip Reed Electricity! My oldest enemy..



Kip Reed Where’s my money bitch! SHARK TOOTH WANTS HIS MONEY!

Brian Skinner Did he respond with ‘ba-bing”?

G.g. Launchbaugh That guy is too fat for Hannibal to eat, bad for the heart.

Ronnie Gardocki They did the unthinkable: THEY SUBDUED AN OLD MAN



Ronnie Gardocki FBI Agent: “This sucks. MY personal super villain is James O’Keefe…”

Kip Reed You’re going home where those pig murderers know exactly where you live. The place with no security, go there and wait for the movie to come back to you.



G.g. Launchbaugh what a high security gate!

Kip Reed skills: Using car as lockpick

Chris Jones Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…

Brian Auron Car > Cow… for now



Jody Skinner Who let da hogs out? Who – who – who – who?

G.g. Launchbaugh He loves those pigs



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Finally, Pajamas

G.g. Launchbaugh oh classical music- this is to let us know he’s a monster too!



Brian Skinner Cart vs wheelchair!!

Brian Auron Gary Oldman googled “Hannibal Lecter feet”

Ronnie Gardocki Oh, he’s being wheeled in because Silence of the Lambs was a movie people enjoyed!

Brian Skinner Papa always said start with the feet



Ronnie Gardocki I think Hopkins is already bored in this kidnapping situation

Kip Reed oh oh oh..uhh man.. I wanna say Jason? Is it Jason? I am sorry I am horrible with….faces.

Ronnie Gardocki My friend thinks Hannibal is a “nice guy”, whereas I believe him to be Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character in Happiness

Jody Skinner I thought I saw a post by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and got excited.



Ronnie Gardocki “Yeah, yeah, you don’t have a face, you want to kill me, can I GET SOME MALBEC MAYBE?”



Kip Reed Jesus Judas whats next Timothy’s failure on the road to Paul? Am I right folks?

Chris Jones He tried to kill him with a forklift…

Brian Auron They wouldn’t let Ridley Scott put Hannibal in a big, yellow, cranebot. That’s what’s really missing from this movie.

Jody Skinner I want the forklift to go backward while Hannies goes “meep! meep! meep!”

Brian Skinner I bet Hannibal dies here…I bet Hannibal dyes his hair.

Ronnie Gardocki If the credits don’t say “special thanks to Michael Vick” for location shooting, I’ll eat one of Anthony Hopkins’ identity obscuring hats



Brian Auron That is the longest codeword to get pigs to eat human flesh I’ve ever heard.

Kip Reed are…are the pigs speaking Italian?

Brian Skinner Kip no one speaks Italian in this movie

Jody Skinner The hogs also smell of ambergris

Chris Jones Eat your heart out, B. F. Skinner…

Brian Skinner The pigs hate this 1Direction tape




Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast didn’t you hear I won a Guinness world record for killing bitches like you

Kip Reed Oh she got me right in the fat!

Ronnie Gardocki “I need to save this monster man from dying because… fuck it, WHATEVER”



Brian Skinner Like old times when you saved me from pigs

Brian Skinner Jody – this pig scene makes for a romantic evening

Brian Auron Hannies getting tased: 30 seconds of downtime…Clarice getting winged in the shoulder: four hours of downtime



Kip Reed I am pretty sure that fall would have fucking turned him into dust

Brian Skinner The hero of the movie – Cordell

G.g. Launchbaugh just like with T rex, the pigs can’t see you if you don’t move

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast shouldn’t have ordered the henchmen override wheelchair

Brian Skinner Papa always said that wheelchairs make a man vulnerable to killer pigs



Brian Auron Even this guy’s car is douchey.

G.g. Launchbaugh oh he drives a Porsche, yep, totally don’t care if he dies



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast heh heh are there boobs in here

G.g. Launchbaugh but I live alone and only eat TV dinners?

Jody Skinner And behind door #2……………



Kip Reed Hannies is deadly with that rag

Brian Skinner I like that to make Hopkins dangerous people have to get in really close range




Chris Jones Man, I had the craziest dream…

Brian Auron “Hannies, did you change me?”

“Yessss, Clarice.”

“How come I don’t have any underwear on?”

G.g. Launchbaugh women love it when you dress them after you drug them, right?

Ronnie Gardocki He DIDN’T rape her, because come on, serial killer cannibals who off people based on playing the flute unsatisfactorily have SOME standards

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast well he’s not RUDE

Jody Skinner What’s sore, Clarice?

Brian Auron #boobs

Brian Skinner #sideboobwich



Ronnie Gardocki “Clarice…I’ve set up Chutes and Ladders for us to play”

Chris Jones He really should be wearing an apron…

Kip Reed thanks for stitching the shoulder up.. but the tramp stamp HANNIES PROPERTY.. I don’t think that was necessary

Ronnie Gardocki “There’s so much more strategic thinking, Clarice!”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast They could have the best game of scrabble ever…Think about it.

Jody Skinner He’s serving – The Remains of the Day



Brian Skinner This requires a suspension of belief that he had a brain to begin with

G.g. Launchbaugh I always wanted to watch you eat? oh he’s a charmer!

Ronnie Gardocki Oh, that lovable scamp Hannibal, ripping out parts of Ray Liotta’s brain and cooking them because he was a dick in the one or two scenes of “characterization” Hannibal deigned to have

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast drinking the broth will marinate your brain

G.g. Launchbaugh should have gone with a Man with two brains style screw top lid

Brian Auron It’s fine, I saw them do something like this in Temple of Doom

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast it’s free range brain

Brian Skinner Which part of the brain is umami?



Brian Auron #innersideboobwich

Brian Skinner Worst fetish ever

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast You should be resting in your low cut dress

Kip Reed Come on Clarice it’s a god damn butter knife, what are you going to do spread me to death



Kip Reed what’s weird is how fake the brain CGI looks but how great the fully CGI Anthony Hopkins is

Chris Jones Iron Chef is getting really hardcore…

Ronnie Gardocki Dom DeLuise’s Silence of the Hams had less ham than Hopkins’ performance

Brian Skinner #brainwich

G.g. Launchbaugh mmmm I’m delicious!

Ronnie Gardocki This movie has done the unthinkable: made me not enjoy Ray Liotta being abused

Jody Skinner Surprisingly, it tasted overcooked and artsy fartsy



Kip Reed Sarge I don’t want to bitch but we’ve been driving over this same bridge for twenty minutes.. we are lost.



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast but Paul was the only one who ate!

Brian Skinner Paul seems smarter now honestly… I hope his last words are “are you queer?”



Jody Skinner Frigidaire, meet Tresseme

Brian Auron Breaking off the handle as a locking mechanism sounds totally legit.

Chris Jones Vegetarian Times on the fridge. How droll…

Kip Reed OH FUCK YOU MOVIE..vegetarian times…FUCK YOU

Jody Skinner As if they have the protein intake to write newsletters

Ronnie Gardocki “We’re not so different, Clarice. Except for the fact that you’re a law abiding citizen who only kills in a professional capacity when totally necessary, whereas I eat people who inconvenience me”



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast NOPE

Ronnie Gardocki Goddamn, just set up a fucking OKCupid account, Lecter



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Gonna get clinatro all over your stump

Kip Reed remember when you saved his life because of your moral code? Hope that moral code can pick up a fork or open a door.



Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast so that dramatic “ow” was NOTHING BUT LIES

Brian Skinner More like Handible



Chris Jones Show me your hands… Heh.

Brian Skinner Clarice never wears a dress! Shoot that impostor!



Kip Reed pre 9/11 cannibals could just get on international flights like no big deal.

Ronnie Gardocki I’d love it if Hopkins only drank shitty $6 supermarket wine, and tried to justify it. “Look at the penguin on the label!”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast He’s flying COACH, the horror

Ronnie Gardocki I’m happy to find out latter day Hopkins is just as irritating and terrible as James Purefoy in the Emmy Award winning The Following



Brian Skinner Mister why do you eat like a gimp?

Kip Reed a young Jeffery Dahmer meets Hannibal histories untold stories!

Jody Skinner He’d be ok with what Justin Timberlake would put in that box

Brian Skinner Unusual = Asian

Jody Skinner Asians have been treated so well the whole movie

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast This kid has the worst mom ever

Brian Skinner The old feed the Asian kid brain food ending



Ronnie Gardocki Oh FUCK YOU ending on his goddamn eye

Brian Skinner Have his eyes turn yellow then we hearing laughing and howling

Brian Auron Fade to black aaaaaand WINK!

Chris Jones Can’t wait for the catering credit…



Jody Skinner Post critique: too much gratuitous pajamas

Brian Skinner Hey ending – fuck you

Ronnie Gardocki “HANNIBAL WILL RETURN IN: some stupid garbage”

Jody Skinner Pun time! That movie was hogwash

Brian Auron This movie was so anti-Italian it’s-a not-a even-a funny, capisce?

Brian Skinner Some of this movie was so ridiculous I laughed my face off

Jody Skinner M Night Shymalan, you did it again!!!

Brian Skinner If Netflix recommended Face-Off after that movie I would have lost my mind

Jody Skinner Dear Clarice, I wax eloquent to make up for the gentleman who uses such crass terms as ‘corn pone’. I shall brainwash him anon

Kip Reed Winners: Barney, Bolton, and Cornell (not eaten). That crack dealing baby who was the brains of Elvera’s whole outfit, Ridley Scotts racist tendency, and Gucci (so much product placement) Losers: the Italians…all of em, Judas Iscariot, Meatless brain substitute, the TSA, bros, Pig murderers, the fbi website, and finally… art in all its forms. FUCK you movie.



Beau grew up in South Carolina but now calls Portland home. She can get by pretty much anywhere as long as she has her books, iPhone and Netflix.

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