I’m also in the middle ground of fans who like the third film, Rise of the Machines.  It’s nowhere near as good as T1 or T2, but it has its own kind of fun, and I enjoyed that a movie from a big studio would allow that kind of an ending.  But T3 is lumped in with many a third entry in franchises, and disliked by quite a few.  So the unenviable task for Genisys is if it can stand next to the original and Judgment Day.

As much as I was looking forward to a reinvention for the Terminator, it does not stand with those revolutionary films.  It’s not nearly as bad as Salvation, but I think I’d still prefer to watch Rise of the Machines over Genisys.  Which pains me to say, because this newest entry isn’t really bad, it just doesn’t live up to its potential.  If not for a few miscues it could have really been a great movie.

Genisys follows the basic story laid out by previous entries, and I swear a few nods to even the third and fourth films.  Going all the way to the 80’s original, human savior leads a revolt of humans in a victory over the machines that have enslaved and exterminated the earth’s population.  However, the program governing the machines, Skynet, launches a final offensive by sending back a Terminator cyborg to kill John’s mother Sarah before she can give birth to the greatest leader in human history.

John sends back Kyle Reese, one of his soldiers and the man destined to father John while in the past, to protect his mother and ensure his birth.  All this is as it was in previous movies, but now as we see Reese sent back, there is an attack on John, and history is changed from what we know it to be.  Reese has double memories of two timelines, another Terminator was sent back to protect Sarah at a younger age, and a few other mysteries linger as to what ramifications these changes have had.

This is just the latest in a series of franchise filmmaking to use the newest plot device, thanks to time travel, of “resetting” a fictional history so as to be able to explore familiar territory in new ways.  The first J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek film did this famously, or infamously, and might now seem to be a way to revitalize other franchises such as Terminator.  And honestly, it wasn’t too bad of an idea, but the execution was just a wee off.

The best I can surmise is that the more digital we get in society, and in movie making, the more the product suffers.  Just as in Jurassic World, digital special effects and a more modern look take away from what we’re seeing.  Watching that movie, and now watching this, I couldn’t help but think how much better the effects looked in the older versions.  This is especially true when you see the T-1000 of Genisys, a creation that doesn’t look nearly as good as his 1991 counterpart did.

These new movies lack that sense of feeling, of a world that’s lived in.  The best comparison would be the original Star Wars movie to the prequels.  The aesthetic is too clean, too refined.  In Genisys, we see future soldiers of humanity who are far more organized and uniform (even with their uniforms) than I remember in the original Terminator.

And in a movie about man versus machine, we need better actors than what we have here.  The person with the most personality is the cyborg for the love of Pete.  I really have nothing against Jai Courtney, except for the fact that he seems to be taking a lot of roles from actors who would be better suited for them.  Here we have a Kyle Reese who could be the stand in for a lower budget Terminator instead of an everyman like Michael Biehn or even Anton Yelchin (one of the bright spots of Salvation).  It’s a real downgrade for the character.

Emilia Clarke, girl from Game of Thrones, is in a tough spot as Sarah.  Who in her right mind would want to follow in the footsteps of Linda effin’ Hamilton?  But she does pretty good in the role, caught somewhere between the Sarah who has yet to discover her importance and the one who escapes from an institution and teaches her son how to save the world.

I will say that J.K. Simmons has a pretty interesting role, and when it is made known who he is, one can see where the writers are going with him.  It’s small for Genisys, but I have a feeling he becomes much more in future installments.  That’s if we can get there through this first movie in what is a proposed trilogy, and it makes the oodles of money it needs to.

A lot of the disappointment with the Terminator movies as we continue along, I think, stem from what could be described as a feeling that the movies are simply retreads of material we’ve already seen, and places we’ve already been.  Not just that, but also because there is quite possibly a gold mine of stories that could come out of the mythology, and we haven’t seen them because those in charge are playing it safe.

The thing about Genisys, however, is that the conceit of the story has the audience deliberately witnessing ground we’ve already covered as being essential to the plot.  It’s a mix of the aforementioned 2009 Star Trek and Back to the Future Part II.  I’m hoping it’s something that is a necessary hump to do what they need to do in order to move forward.  If not, it might be time to bring in new blood, er, circuitry, or abandon the series altogether before even the original films are tarnished.

As much of a retread is needed for this story to be pulled off, there was one twist that is a HUGE departure from the Terminator mythology, and they gave it away with second damn trailer released for the movie!  I don’t normally care about spoilers, but when you put in the trailer and ON THE POSTER that John Connor has been changed into a Terminator…W.T.F., indeed.  In a movie where we really have seen everything it’s got to offer, why give away the one thing that could have been a great holy shit moment?

One last note, and we have Marvel to thank for this trend, there is a small scene mid-credits. So, yeah.

The franchise isn’t yet terminated, but it’s going to have to be better than this to survive its own judgment day.

Inside Out- Another Pixar movie, another Oscar. A lot of the creative team from one of the studio’s best pictures, Up, returned to show us what makes an 11-year-old girl tick in the form of five different emotions/personalities hilariously voiced inside her head.  Joy and Sadness go on a mission to recover some core memories while leaving Fear, Disgust, and Anger in charge to deal with the aftermath of a new move.

Like other Pixar movies, there’s a lot more going on in this movie than what appears on the surface, and many heart strings are certainly tugged.  This one could have used a tad more humor, but it’s a small gripe for an otherwise wonderful picture.  Good for anybody, but might be over the heads of a few smaller children.

Jurassic World- It’s got Star-Lord and Opie’s daughter fighting dinosaurs in the most effectively entertaining movie of the franchise since the first film over 20 years ago.  It does lack the wonder and awe of Jurassic Park (which is odd, because it constantly bemoans the apathetic society in which we live when it comes to finding amazement in things), though it does try.  It also falls into the trap of a big budget movie lampooning sponsorships and corporate endorsements while also being a part of that very system.

But, DINOSAURS, good actors, and an epic final throw down showdown make this a great way to spend two hours.  There are hero moments for a few characters, comeuppance for others, and set up for future installments of the series.  If they’re half as fun as this one, I’m more than interested to see where they go with it.

Ted 2- It’s just like the first movie, and that’s not half bad.  From writer/director Seth McFarlane comes a comedy about a stuffed bear that comes to life, trying to validate that life in the eyes of the law.  Funny enough, among all the cursing, and beer drinking, and off-color humor, there’s some good points to be made about the rights of an individual (Ted even references gay marriage at one point, which I thought was rather serendipitous given the Supreme Court ruled on the issue the day the movie was released).

But mostly it’s a good vessel for cursing, and beer drinking, and off-color humor.  Basically Family Guy, except with a bear and the f-word.  Though, there are some of McFarlane’s signature touches stemming from his interests in musicals, Star Trek, and other areas of pop culture that will appeal to a fairly broad audience.  If you like his brand of humor, and the first Ted, you’ll like this one.

Max- An okay movie about a military dog who ends up in the care of his deceased owner’s brother.  The lessons in this movie can be seen from a mile away, but might just get you anyway, cause you know, dog with PTSD.  The acting, even by the better known actors, is pretty awful, and one thing you won’t see coming is the main conflict becoming about a soldier selling stolen weapons to a Mexican gang.

The biggest problem with Max is that the movie doesn’t know what it wants to be.  It comes off as almost a political thriller wrapped up in a kid-learns-a-lesson-because-of-his-dog movie.  But then there’s also the kind of information and tribute given to military dogs one would find in a less fictional story on the subject.  I’ve seen worse, but a few kids in the audience I was in didn’t find much to keep them interested the entire time.

Spy- I’m on the fence about Melissa McCarthy.  I know a lot of people like her, but I have a hard time seeing anything but someone who falls over and says “look at me, I’m fat. Isn’t that funny?” Not even Chris Farley could make that work all the time.  Just like Farley, McCarthy is only as good as the material around her.

Whereas we might end up with something as awful as Tammy, we can also get an Identity Thief (I don’t say Bridesmaids, because while I enjoyed McCarthy in her role, I found the overall film a little overrated).  Glad to say that Spy is a great comedy, and not too bad as an action movie, either.  Not only is McCarthy at her best, but the Paul Feig players are there with a few great guest stars to round out an ensemble that really works.

Pitch Perfect 2- I don’t remember much about the first Pitch Perfect except a few good looking, quirky gals were singing some amaze-balls acapella.  And there was a song with cups.  But that didn’t stop the sequel from being an enjoyable, and downright funny, comedy.

The movie picks up where the last one left off, and follows the time tested formula that The Mighty Ducks flicks did so well.  It’s the same struggle for the singing group, but this time the stage is bigger, and so are the opponents.  Actually, this is basically Mighty Ducks 2 now that I really think about it.

San Andreas- One of the dumbest movies I’ve seen in a while, this flick proves even nature can get its ass kicked by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  Not so much Jupiter Ascending I want to walk out bad, as it is let’s all get together, have some drinks, and make fun of it bad.

Just another disaster porn movie in the vein of Volcano or 2012 that pits man versus the world and tons of things crashing down on them.  The Rock tries to emote as one of the worthless human “characters” (cause we always have to have a family work through their problems in these things), and Paul Giamatti keeps looking concerned and horrified as a scientist who watches it all from his classroom.  The only thing that really kept me going through the ordeal was Alexandra Daddario.

There’s what may or may not be playing at your local cinema.  Hopefully it’s helpful when you’re spending time with your family this Fourth of July weekend, but don’t want to talk to them so you all go to a movie. Happy trails, partners.

What do these futures have in common with each other?

What’s the common link between these films? There were three primary motifs that were repeated throughout this batch of films. They are vague religions, class warfare, and the power of nature.

I’ll start with class warfare. According to these alternate futures the middle class is no more. You’re either Billy Gates or living in a cardboard castles. The poor are seen as a disease on a society that shouldn’t be seen or touched. Why is the wage gap so cavernous? It’s always a little vague but war or famine or plague always plays a part and as a result the economy collapses. The government isn’t affected however. I doubt this is a realistic future. The governing body would be affected too. They somehow get more powerful after this disaster affecting all of society. Everything would suffer and stagnate at least for a little while. Also in these films the rich are viewed as absolute evil. It makes sense as a quick way establish a conflict but feels overused. It’d be more interesting if maybe the difference between good and bad wasn’t so stark. Morality is black and white where in the older films there a strong sense of grey. If you’re watching a modern dystopian future film and you see someone that’s wearing a fancy dress or a 3 piece suit, they’re the absolute scum of the earth. They’d sell their kid to save a buck. If someone has tattered/old/damaged clothes they’re the hero. This troupe feels reductive and lazy. I understand that this quickly sets up who’s who but it felt like this was barely used to its fullest and most nuanced.

In the previous article I briefly addressed this troupe but there’s a noticeable lack or extinction of organized religion in 1960s films where in these it’s just a vague religion or religions that exists. Unlike poor vs. rich, this is actually enjoyable. It adds a nice flavor to the atmosphere. In trying times people revert to different things for comfort. In these films the standard appears to be in the form of vague cults. These are a source of warmth and comfort from the earth hell scape. It’s never the focus; it’s just another aspect of the world.

As a result of abusing our planet, the planet fought back and kicked humanity’s ass. It shows up in two forms, weather and disease. If weather it’s something like say, a giant blizzard that engulfs the whole earth. If it’s a disease that say attacks an entire country the feds quarantine an entire sector of it. This is clearly a reaction to the heightened attention given to the environment. Some would say this motif is purely political and some would say it’s just for entertainment. I feel like it’s a case by case basis. Regardless of the intent, it makes for a compelling story, majority of the time.

How close are we to these futures?

In Part 1, it was concluded that we are living in a dystopian future according to 1960s films. Are we living in a dystopian future and not even aware of it? Let’s find out.

There wasn’t as much to grab onto with these films the main thing that really stuck out was vague religion. In all three, there wasn’t an established religion or central belief but there was a sense of some reverence towards something. It felt like either the screenwriters are afraid to be specific when it comes to religion or it’s open-ended to put your belief into that space or both. This is the inverse of the 1960s. I would have thought these would be the opposite. For a lot of people religion is an important part of life, one in the pro column.

Again the standard corrupt government thing is used to establish a dourness lingering throughout. It’s a part of the genre but in these films it was vaguely defined and not that evil more just a bunch of assholes. Also human civilization is barely holding together so using these as evidence, that’s two in the con column. I conclude that we are not living in a dystopian future according to modern films.

Would it be fun to live in these futures?

Simple answer, no. The world is on the brink of collapse, families falling apart, no one is having fun, and worst of all, no one cares about music or books. This future is not fun at all. It’s really grim and kinda dull. It’s very Christopher Nolan so jokes are outlawed. Who wants to live like a peasant where you eat your pet, bugs, or people and just brood 24/7? Not this fellow. At least the old movies presented a bittersweet future where these only were bitter.

The end…I have one more thing before I conclude this series. For those curious, my least favorite film of the six was Snowpiercer. It was overblown and tried too hard to be crazy and cool. My favorite film of the six was The 10^th Victim. It was goofy, fun, weird, and presented a bizarre very 1960s future. The plot takes a crazy batshit turn in the third act that’s makes it great. Is this the beginning of a semi-regular column deconstructing specific genres? Yes it is. If you made it this far thanks. Now, the end…for now, at least.

What do these futures have in common with each other?

The best/worst recurring motif is computer technology. They so wildly mis-predicted where technology was going in the best way. It’s pretty amazing. Computers at that time were still the size of a room and they predicted…they would stay exactly the same. Other pieces of technology are giant-sized or shrunken but the most technological thing of the 20^th century remained exactly the same. Except they had one major change, that made them terrifying overseers keeping humanity in line, the ability to speak. The most evil thing that a computer could possibly do is sound kinda like Dalek but not enough that it’s violating copyright. Also they kept humanity in line via many evil methods like deciding who lives and dies and other boring stuff like that. I imagine that was revolutionary and mind-blowing at the time but now it doesn’t quite have the same effect. Basically, it’s like CG now. Much like a beer, it doesn’t age well.

Some other themes are the rise of mega-corporations, the popularity of reality TV and the extinction of religion. You could say part of this is happening right now as you read this. The recurring theme for these businesses isn’t profit but morality…? These companies make society more moral and peaceful. How do they do that exactly? They create games involving people hunting and killing other people. It’s a mixed message but they tricked governments into giving them money somehow. I don’t understand how they even started. How does one propose creating a LLC that produces corpses? It raises questions and once you start breaking down it stops making any sense. Religion appears to have been replaced by these mega-corporations.

According to these films, people at the time were afraid of religion disappearing, computers talking, and corporations creating and policing morality. Two of these are legitimate and understandable fears. The other is talking computers.

How close are we to these futures?

Naturally looking at these films you’ll start to wonder, if it’s just around corner. Reality TV is unfortunately still very popular. It begs the question, where is reality TV heading? We have shows about Honeys’ Boo², Dynasties of Ducks, Cats of Fishing and Gene Simmons’ Jewelry. It’s only a matter of time until they’re completely out of ideas and revert to gladiator style fights for our entertainment. It appears on its last legs now but imagine, in 50 or 60 years what will it morph into?

The omnipresence of cameras recording every detail of our dull lives was spot on. However, we adjusted very quickly and seemingly don’t care or mind. In the movies, cameras are everywhere. Some are hidden and some are staring you in the face. In theory it is possible to record every second of a person’s life using security cameras, cell phones, laptops, camcorders, GoPros, webcams, google glass, etc. I think we should start giving a shit a little at least I mean, privacy is great. When you’re alone you can do anything…anything without the prying eyes of society judging you, privacy is necessary for us to function. Enough of that, cameras are everywhere and that was eerily accurate.

The status and power that corporations have is mentioned in the previous section. However, it appears corporations are unstoppable and growing stronger. I hate to say it but according to the 1960s version of a dystopian future…we are living it as you read this. I’m sorry this is how you learn. We can start by throwing away our phones or we can start tomorrow.

Would it be fun to live this future?

I saved the best for last. This is not a simple question of yes or no it requires some thought and patience. There are multiple things to consider here. According to the sections above this future involves mega corporations that produce morality through corpses, cameras constantly watching us, computers that talk in gravelly voices, and reality shows where people do ridiculous things against their will. On top of that everything has just slightly more rubble than now. It’s not a complete wasteland but it’s nearly done recovering through a disaster, compared to modern ones.

Since things aren’t as bad as they could be, this future might be worth it however. Here is my reasoning, it may appear bad but living in an oppression future would have one great benefit. That is, amazing Hip Hop and Punk Rock. Since the economy is not so great and people live in impoverished conditions, that breeds anti-establishment and honest music. I would want to live in this future. The music would be so good it’s worth the potential of being involved in a life-or-death reality show, oppressive corporations, and computers talking to me with creepy gravelly voices.

With all that said, Part 2 is coming soon. I’ll take a look at the modern idea of a dystopian future with The Hunger Games, Snowpiercer, and Doomsday.

This week’s delay is much more somber than my gushing over a movie trailer, or how the movie spawning that trailer is going to be wicked awesome.  The delay this time stems from the death of a legend that I could not let pass with the mere sharing of another website’s article for all us Rhymers (trademarked!) to comment on.

Harold Ramis has been eulogized by just about every media outlet known to man since he died last weekend, and everyone has mentioned pretty much the same handful of movies in which he was involved in those eulogies.  There’s Stripes, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Groundhog Day, and of course Ghostbusters.

I’m not going to pretend I had any knowledge of Ramis’ personal life.  I was unaware he was even battling a disease of any kind (so unaware I’d have to look it up because I can’t remember now after hearing it just the other day).  His work didn’t touch me on a metaphysical level; it didn’t transcend anything and bring me a better understanding of us or the world.

His work entertained me.  He entertained me.  Ramis starred in, wrote, or directed movies I watched throughout my life that I would probably choose to watch again over many options today.  His work was obviously around as a child, he was around in my teens, and as I got older it was a happy surprise to see him as an actor or in the credits of a movie.

I’m not going to do a memorial of the man, because I didn’t know the man except through his work.  That I know.  Or, that I know some.  What you won’t find here is any raving about Caddyshack because I still haven’t seen it all the way through (gasp, I know).  Same goes for Animal House and Meatballs.  Get over it.  I also remember zilch about Stripes because I watched it a looooong time ago with a military-obsessed friend of mine.

What follows aren’t even milestones of Ramis’ career as I see it, just times his involvement or presence elevated a movie or was one cog of the machine that made them great.

Ghostbusters- BOTH movies are gold, I don’t care what people say about the second one.  Ramis was one of the driving forces behind a franchise that had just two movies but spawned a legacy of comic books, games, toys, clothing, collectables, and most important of all a cartoon.  The cartoon was one of the most successful, loved, and remembered of its time.  It would not have been, however, without the foundation of the movies.  They were funny, scary adventures that appealed to a broad base despite being about a bunch of nerdy, wacko scientists who hunt ghosts for money.  And I will always chuckle at “Do, Re, Egon!”

Bedazzled- This Brendan Fraser gem from the early 2000’s was awesome for many reasons.  It had great characterizations (the roided out basketball player and uber-sensitive crier are hilarious), Elizabeth Hurley as the devil (take me to hell!), and direction by Ramis.  It was the movie I’ll remember him for from that decade as opposed to the misstep that was Year One.

Knocked Up- He played Ben’s dad.  I’m fairly certain if you look at the credits that was the character’s moniker, too.  Not that the movie need any lifting up, but Ramis’ presence was a welcome one.  His few, short scenes weren’t short on convincing the audience this was a guy who knew what he was talking about and had no clue at the same time when giving parental advice.

Rover Dangerfield- You bet.  The movie that was basically about comedian Rodney Dangerfield as an animated dog.  Ramis co-wrote the flick and I’m pretty certain I saw it just the once and don’t remember much of except for enjoying it.  Much like…

 The Ice Harvest- A John Cusack/Billy Bob Thornton vehicle that doesn’t stick with you except that there are worse ways to spend a couple hours than watching two great actors under the tutelage of a great director.

 Stuart Saves His Family- The fact that this is basically a forgettable flop only proves the character wasn’t going to be easy to adapt from a five minute sketch to a feature length film.  If even Ramis couldn’t pull it off, there was no hope for anyone else.  I still think he’s good enough, smart enough, and doggone it I like him.

Groundhog Day- I’m going to go ahead and say it, despite not seeing what everyone says to be classics such as Caddyshack and Animal House, Groundhog Day is Ramis’ greatest achievement.  I didn’t see this movie until I was in my twenties, and I watched it twice in a row.  And then the next day again (I was off from work, sue me).  This is a perfect example of how comedy can kick a straight up drama’s ass.  I felt more for the characters in this movie than much more “serious” fare.  Every choice made on Groundhog Day was the right one.

Ramis also had his hands on movies like Multiplicity, Analyze This and Analyze That, Back to School, and even wrote the Ghostbusters video game with Dan Aykroyd.  And it is on Ghostbusters I want to end (I am a nerd, after all).  As soon as Ramis’ death had been reported, the question of whether the long-gestating Ghostbusters 3 would die with him was also asked.  Because when someone dies, that’s the biggest concern (sarcasm for the smart-ass impaired).

The studio says the flick will go on without Ramis, and Ernie Hudson (Winston Zedmore) said there could be no Ghostbusters if Ramis was not involved.  I mean no disrespect to Hudson, but I’d like to go ahead and disagree with ya there.  No matter what the story or Ramis’ part in it (the script was actually written by others with the blessing of both Ramis and Aykroyd), Ghostbusters as a franchise is bigger than any one individual.  That much was evident with the decision to continue the production without star Bill Murray.  And that was with the other three major stars agreeing to that scenario.

So it seems to me that halting or discontinuing production of the movie is a knee jerk reaction by those who mourn the loss of one of the property’s creators, especially if the movie was to pass the baton to a younger generation as has been reported for years.

So what I’m saying, if I’m saying anything at all, is let’s mourn the guy and celebrate his work.  Rent it, stream it, watch it, and it goes without saying, but enjoy it.  Except Year One.  No one can enjoy Year One.  Then, when some time has passed, let’s get a third Ghostbusters movie out there and use it an excuse to further honor the contributions of Harold Ramis by making it awesome.

I’m celebrating an important milestone with the Rhymes With Nerdy page- 3 and a half weeks!  Woo-hoo!  Celebrate, good times, c’mon!  I’ve written four little ditties for this page so far (three published, but I know you’re salivating for the next), and I’m using the Super Bowl as an excuse to write an Ultra Mega Awesomely Spectacular Special Edition.

The reason being?  Nerds have begun the takeover of sports.  It started a few years ago, and it went unnoticed.  Jocks and the like didn’t see it coming, but they were betrayed by their own people- the NFL.  You see, many nerds are also sports fans.  Me personally, I have played the sports, and I enjoy watching some of the sports.  But there are others who mock the game of football and cannot be bothered to watch the biggest game on the planet, as many people watch it and some even gamble on it online. Although if you really like to gamble and make money you should better visit the olympic kingsway casinos as this is a better choice for this. Always look for a reputable gambling site like Casino Zeus that has a safe environment where you can enjoy playing different games.

Until those sneaky execs behind the game, and at movie studios, started advertising more than just beer.  Movie commercials have become some of the highlights of the game (and that is most definitely the case this year.  I’m finishing this during the third quarter and can’t believe the score).  In an effort to get that all important first box office weekend business (sadly the benchmark now of movies), some of the bigger tentpole flicks have had extended and premiered footage during the Super Bowl to reach one of the biggest single audiences during the year.

So, in honor of that, I’d like to do a little preview of some of the movies coming out the first half of this year that fit into the “genre” genre.  Not all of these movies had ads during the Super Bowl, and the list does not nearly represent all the movies I want to see or not see.  This is just a sampling.  Like the nachos at your Super Bowl party.

February

2/7- The Lego Movie

My whole next column is about this movie and the toys it’s based on.  So guess whether I think this looks awesome or not.  See this movie.

 2/12- Robocop

Yup, another reboot in a sea of reboots.  You have to think that there is room for it, though, 30 years after the fact.  Update things for the kids and their newfangled world.  I say that probably as the original Robocop isn’t a sacred cow to me.  The world of that flick and those that followed (TV show and mini-series included) was lots of fun.  This looks just as fun.  I went from skeptical to hell yeah real quick.

March

3/7- 300:Rise of an Empire

Going to guess it’s more of the same.  Same style, same slo-mo, but a different director.  It’ll drive my gay buddy nuts to see all those abs, and they added another good-looking lady (Eva Greene- who can also act I hear), for the men of a straighter persuasion.  This will probably eye candy and somewhat forgettable.

3/14- Need for Speed

Video game flicks don’t achieve much beyond campy cult status, unfortunately.  And The Fast and the Furious franchise kind of has this market cornered.  So what could this offer to set itself apart and not flop? Not sure, but the commercial sure looked spiffy.

 3/21- Muppets Most Wanted

It’s the Muppets.  Must watch.  That is all. [Also – TINA EFFING FEY!! – B.]

April

4/4- Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Never mind the Marvel juggernaut.  Never mind Cap’s First Avenger adventure was a throwback to some great movies and matched them in its own right.  This flick looks slick.  Anyone who saw the extended elevator fight scene immediately shut the front door about comedy directors handling an espionage thriller with the star-spangled hero.  I won’t waste too much time as I’ll probably get more into this movie as it gets closer.  This one is a no-brainer, though.

 4/17- Transcendence

Christopher Nolan’s cameraman makes a movie about Johnny Depp’s mind taking up residence in a computer.  Looks kinda fun.  We’ll give it a watch.

May

5/2- The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Another movie I’ll probably get into closer to release.  But for now, let’s just say it’s a go.  Are there possibly too many characters with too much going on?  Maybe.  But it also doesn’t have that hag Kirsten Dunst, and everybody isn’t crying every five minutes.  So far this incarnation of the franchise is batting the same average as the Raimi movies for me, and they’re only one movie in.

 5/16- Godzilla

Yup.  Again.  Giant monster destroying a major city.  Those Independence Day guys had a pretty good version on their hands in the 90’s, but this looks a little grittier, and a bit more epic.  The trailer had some good stuff in it, despite some obvious opportunities for major cheese.

 5/23- X-Men: Days of Future Past

This will hopefully answer many of the questions a few people from Missouri have about this franchise.  Any nerd who gets bent out of shape about these flicks is beyond help.  Have they done translated the comics to movies?  You betcha.  Have they done a good job?  Eh, so-so.  While some decisions, like to leave the spandex suits at home (seriously, geeks, SHUT UP about Wolverine’s mask and yellow suit) have been of benefit, others such as conflicting continuity have caused major headaches for filmmakers and fans alike.  Approach with caution, friends.

 5/30- Maleficent

Disney makes a move to re-energize another animated property with a live-action version.  Thus they cash in on the same story yet again, and the success of Once Upon a Time simultaneously.  Time will tell is it’s just another mediocre Alice in Wonderland, or something worthy like Enchanted.

June

6/6- Edge of Tomorrow

How in the hell does Tom Cruise act like such a doofus, make me look upon him as a crazy nut, and yet still get me to go see his movies??  Like him or not, the guy can pick projects.  He may have fluff like War of the Worlds under his belt, but this looks more on par with Minority Report and Oblivion, and that ain’t bad.

 6/13- How to Train Your Dragon 2

I honestly don’t remember much about the first one except there are dragons, the boy has a crush on a girl, and there’s a father-son storyline at the heart of it.  I do also remember laughing a lot and having a great time.  I’m sure this will be just as much fun.

 6/27- Transformers: Age of Extinction

I was ready to fully abandon this franchise if the Dinobots weren’t in this with a title like that.  But I saw a Dinobot on the TV during the Super Bowl.  Sure, my fav Transformer, Grimlock, looked a tad like a dragon, but it was a 2 second clip.  Once again, they sucked me in, most likely to be disappointed.  There is a huge love-hate relationship between fans of Transformers and these flicks.  It’s basically boiled down to making the most of a bad situation.

We can probably leave it at that for now.  I’ll do the last half of the year in June or something.  Right now I’m sick of my hyphen use (look at all of them in this piece).

So what I’m saying, if I’m saying anything at all, is nerds can enjoy the Super Bowl as much as the next guy or gal.  I’m also saying there’s a decent mix of movies looking to hit cinemas, and we’ll know which ones are worth it sooner than later.  Also, rest in peace PSH.  What a shame.

Molly and Jay return to talk about the second installment of the Hunger Games franchise, the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special, and why Adam Levine’s weird baby teeth make him the most unlikely choice to be Sexiest Man Alive.

All I can look at is Peeta in spandex. Help me. 

Ermahgerd Thur!!!

That weave is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!