Welcome back to a slightly belated recap of Episode 2 of Supernatural’s 12th Season, Mamma Mia! As we’ll see that episode title refers to more than just Mary.

THEN

Amara rips Lucifer out of Castiel in a pretty hilarious CGI Effect. All the corpses have no eyes cause Luci keeps flashing them. Crowley tries to stay relevant to the plot. Mary, Lady Bevell, the dearly departed Miss Watts.

NOW

The set of Twilight. Soft candlelight, white sheets, and missionary sex. Who knew Sammy was so basic? (Okay, everyone knew that.) A post-coital Sam tries to catch his breath in bed while Lady Bevell covers herself primly with aforementioned white sheets. PFFFT. I immediately dismiss this scenario, not because I find it unlikely that Sam would bed his kidnapper and torturer but because Lady B’s hair is PERFECT. If she’d just engaged in that Zesty Enterprise we call sex with a robust gent like Sam her hair would look like Russel Brand’s on his worst day.

She gently questions him, he answers some conversationally, but I’m too distracted by the fact that they’re drinking red wine over the white sheets. They’re going to lose their deposit. Lady B tries to pry further but Sammy grins and says “are we just going to talk all night?” Her expression can only be described as “oh, very well,” another thing that tells me this is a hallucination. While Dean will always own my heart you can’t look at Sam and think “Ugh, I GUESS he’ll do.”

Yeah, what a chore. 

Cas is in rural Missouri having a phone conversation with Dean back at the bunker. Dean asks advice re: Mary, telling Cas that while he’s happier than he thought possible, there’s a weirdness between him and Mary that he doesn’t know how to bridge. Cas speaks for the audience when he says “don’t make things needlessly complicated.”

Mary comes in as the call ends and asks for an update on Sam. There’s some cuteness with Mary not knowing what databases are (I’m pretty sure Databases existed in the 80’s, come on writers) telling Dean “our house didn’t have an electric typewriter.” Mary lets it drop that she heard Dean’s conversation with Cas. Mary wonders how she’s going to face Sam when they do find him, reminding Dean that she started their path into the Hunter life when she made the deal with Yellow Eyes.

Back to the sexy torture basement. Sam and Lady B are still abed, the candles are still burning. Lady B says it surprises her that despite the efforts of all the Hunters, monsters still run rampant through the country. Well, yeah. You may not have noticed on the map but America is kinda big. I doubt there are enough hunters per square mile to keep monsters at bay, not to mention between Lucifer, Crowley, Lilith and Leviathan their numbers have been thinned JUST A SMIDGE. Sam starts to remember his torture and snaps back to reality, where he’s still chained to a chair being interrogated by Lady B, or as I like to call her, The Devil in J. Crew.

As an aside, I’d like to point out this is what made Dick Roman such a great villain. His inherent whiteness. Like you know there’s a monster walking around in this white man’s skin but part of the monster was always Dick Roman himself. Same with Lady B, I think. There’s something so terrifying in her WASP-iness. Anyway, Sam is rightfully pissed and Lady B smugly informs Sam that the real torture is about to start before surveying the tools of “interrogation.”

Morning at the bunker. Mary comes in with a cup of coffee and I notice that she has acquired the Hunters Uniform of a plaid shirt and jeans. She tells Dean she had dreams all night, things she’d forgotten about, funny stuff that John did. She says he was a great father and Dean is trying so hard not to give her the heavy eye of the truly jaded. Thankfully, the phone rings. It’s Cas. He found a farm that was rented by an English lady. When Dean asks if he got a look inside Cas tells him it’s heavily warded. Dean says maybe he should have opened with that? Ah, Banter. He sends Dean the address and there is some back-and-forth on whether or not Mary is going with. Dean says he can’t do his job if he has to worry about Mom. I’m trying real hard not to get annoyed at Dean. I mean, she was a Hunter long before she was a suburban housewife and future sainted martyr. Please, writers, don’t have Dean spend the whole season patronizing Mary. Please. Anyway, she wins the argument and they’re off.

What’s her secret? She shops at Hunters r’ Us!

Back in the torture basement, Lady B is doing her thing. She says she wants names, locations and oh yeah let’s talk about you and Ruby. O-kaaaay. Sam looks wounded. I mean, he is wounded, but the other kind of wounded. He gives good puppy face. Lady B’s phone rings and she answers it, addressing someone named Mick. Mick is a fellow Man of Letters who says “you’ve been a very bad girl, Toni.” He says that she’s disobeyed orders, and has found the dearly departed Miss Watts, and informs Lady B that he is en route.

Some restaurant. Rowena is on a date, and her hair and clothes are on point, a modest soft white blouse and emerald-colored jacket. Green is definitely a power color on her, but then again I have yet to see Rowena in anything that didn’t make her look stunning. Does Ruth Connell look bad in any color? The makeup is, as always, a little heavy for my likes but she’s looking damn fine. She tells her date she ran away from boarding school as a girl to be a part of the Royal Ballet. Okay, sure. A familiar voice asks if she’d like more wine and hey we’re all so surprised to see it’s Crowley. No, we’re not. Ugh. I love Crowley, don’t get me wrong, but his storyline should have ended many seasons ago. So I will do my best to skim all the Crowley parts throughout this season because his plot lines often go nowhere and seldom tie into the larger story.

I might be a 300-year-old witch and occasionally evil but let’s not pretend that I’m not settling.

Crowley wants Rowena’s help locating Lucifer. Rowena just wants to settle down with a rich man and be left alone. I can’t say I blame her, but Crowley says he has a score to settle.

Cut to a ROCK MUSIC CONCERT. Thankfully we catch the tail end and don’t have to hear whatever hair metal the millennials now love ironically. The ROCK MUSIC CONCERT is for the not-at-all-generic aging rocker Vince Vicente, played here by one Mr. Richard Springfield.

In a lot of ways, I think Rick Springfield was perfect to play this role the same way Robert Downey, Jr. was perfect to play Tony Stark. And because he’s a human being and I am too, I won’t be making any facelift cracks, because why would I.

Vince doesn’t want to experience the wonders of Cleveland, despite his bandmate Tommy’s invitation. If you thought the novelty of Rick Springfield would be the sum total of this role, don’t. Springfield is a pretty good actor, and this scene is well played. He’s mourning for someone, a young woman, and it’s a nice transition to see Vince go from beaming onstage to brittle and shaken when he’s alone. This isn’t the brusque indulgent mourning we’ve seen on this show (from Dean mostly) but an older and more thoughtful grief. A decade has passed since his wife died, and Vince is going about his life on autopilot. He’s not the man he was, but he’s doing the only thing he knows how to do. It’s gracefully done, and I wanted to give Springfield credit. A breeze and some flickering lights tell Vince he’s not really alone.

Dean and Mary are en route to Torture Acres. Mary says that since she’s been dead for 33 years she’s the last person they’ll be expecting. Dean notes “you were good at this, weren’t you?” and she admits that she was. She reminds Dean that Hunters all end up the same way. Dean shakily tells her that her death changed John and that Sammy, when he was old enough, got out of the life. He proudly tells Mary that Sam went to Stanford. I love that Dean is still so proud of Sam for that. *heart eyes* Mary is incredulous that Sam had a chance to get out and didn’t take it. Dean tells her about John going missing, but nobody is mentioning Jess and I can’t help wonder why. Come on, we brought Mary back, let’s bring Jess back too. It has nothing to do with my crush on Adrianne Palicki.

Posh hotel suite. Vince should really ask for a room with less offensive wallpaper. He mopes around a bit before going to the bathroom and turning on the faucet. The water quickly turns to bluh-bluh-bluh-BLOOD which Vince unfortunately splashes all over his face before looking in the mirror and, predictably, screaming.

Maybe he’s born with it…

Turns out it was a SPOOKY ILLUSION, just before the framed photos start flying across the room. Vince is freaking out when a woman’s voice calls his name. Like Nick in Season 5, Vince is getting a visit from his dearly departed Jen. This seems to be a theme with Lucifer. I’d rather see a plot line about his preference for men in mourning than his beef with Crowley. Jen says she’s sorry for swallowing all those pills and Vince says he’s sorry he left her alone all the time. Considering Springfield’s own history, this can’t have been an easy scene. She says she can bring him peace if she lets her in and he immediately says a tearful Yes. And Lucifer has a new home! I wonder how long this will last? From what I recall Nick was only a temporary vessel and only Sammy was his “one true vessel.” I’ve had a long-standing theory that the show will end as a coda to the Season 5 episode “The End,” and keeping Lucifer in play only gives that theory life.

Rowena is doing her magic thing. To Crowley’s impatience, she says “It’s witchcraft, not google maps!” She found his location, but Rowena isn’t into any of the Lucifer revenge stuff, she just wants to retire to Boca with her sugar daddy.

Dean and Marry arrive at Torture Acres. Dean is going to poke around, Mary wants to go with but he asks her to stay and keep Cas company.

Cleveland. Tommy comes to see Vince and notices he’s awfully dressed up for rehearsal. While Vince is still drinking heavily, he’s standing straighter, his voice is firmer, and when Tommy asks if he has other plans there is a definite twinkle in his eye when he replies “I dooo.” I love that they’ve kept Lucifer as this charming rogue no matter who plays him. His eyes grow red and he knocks Tommy through a wall.

Dean tries the cellar door (hee) at Torture Acres to no avail before he realizes he’s now stuck in what I can only guess is a Devil’s Trap but for humans. And with a son-of-a-bitch, we cut to Lady B opening the basement door. Poor Sammy is looking pretty messed up. He tells Lady B to go screw herself. This seems to piss her off, and she produces Dean. Sam is stunned to see his unexploded brother (as Dean was the “bomb” that was going to take down Amara in the Season 11 finale) and Lady B smarms that while Sam can endure her torture, he won’t be able to endure seeing her attentions turned on Dean. OOOH he mad now.

Vince comes to Hell and tells Crowley to get off his throne. Crowley and Rowena freeze him and Crowley throws sulfuric acid in Vince’s face. Ouch. Too bad for Crowley, Lucifer isn’t going anywhere. He heals himself and Crowley vamooses, leaving Rowena in Vince’s dubious care.

Lady B cracks Dean in the jaw with brass knuckles and asks about Benny, “the vampire you befriended and released from purgatory.” Aw, I miss Benny. The point, I think, is that Lady B and her brethren see everything in black & white while the Hunters know there are many shades of gray.

While they have a few seconds alone, Sam tells Dean “angry spice” is British Men of Letters. Dean is confused until Lady B comes back to taunt them some more. The sound of a gun cocking from behind her is followed by a “get away from my boys.” Both Lady B and Sam are stunned, and Mary gives Dean the keys to his shackles. She takes a moment to be gobsmacked that the enormous lug chained to the chair is her little Sammy, which Lady B uses to her advantage, and a fight breaks out. Dean gets busy freeing himself while the women fight. For a moment the Winchesters have the advantage until Lady B activates a spell that seems to be choking Mary. She demands Dean drop the gun. Dean appears to relent but instead clocks Lady B in the temple, knocking her out. Mary is okay! Dean said he knew she was using her Chinese Mind Control technique because, contrary to what Lady B thought, he actually HAS been reading the books in the bunker.

Mick, the other Man of Letters, appears in the room with Cas. He tells Dean “well played” and looks impressed. He apologizes to the Winchesters and tells them that Lady B will face punishment back in London. Dean wants to mete out some punishment right here in the good old US of A. Mick says some of the BMoL suspects some kind of malfeasance amongst the American Hunters but does admit the Winchesters have been “partially” carrying on the MoL’s work since the American chapter was destroyed by Abbadon back in the day. After some tension, Mick extends the olive branch and gives the Winchesters his card, saying they want to work together. Lady B looks like she’d rather drink some of Crowley’s acid.

Bunker. A bucket labeled “Sandy’s Chicken” sits empty at the table and a very full Dean thanks mom for the feast. She laughs and says she would have cooked but “I…don’t.” Dean’s whole existence is rocked when she admits that the meatloaf he loved so much as a tot “came from the Piggly Wiggly.” However, all if forgiven when she asks “do you still like pie?” and produces a blueberry pie which Dean gobbles down disgustingly while Sam smiles painfully across the table. Looks like Cas still has the healing touch, as his face is now unmarred by Lady B’s efforts.

The Winchesters all agree that the BMoL are not to be trusted despite Mick’s olive branch. Mary suggests they “call the internet” and see what they can find out. Dean and Sam smile and tell her she was “so close.”

Vince (who I guess I should just start calling Lucifer) decides that Rowena will be a valuable prisoner. Rowena would rather be “sipping martinis with Republicans at the tennis club” but sadly that is not an option for her.

Sam knocks on Mary’s door. He’s brought her a cup of tea. He’s very cute and aw-shucks, all shoulder shrugs as he says he understands what it’s like to feel like you don’t fit in. Mary says she just has a lot of blanks to fill in. Sam nods and hands over John’s journal, saying he hopes that helps her. I guess it’s good John never talked about his love child in that journal, because I’m sure that’s *exactly* what Mary wants to read about. She is touched by the gesture and asks Sam why he came back to Hunting after getting out. He says “it’s my family. This is what we do.” Mary seems disappointed by this, but the Sam says, with tears in his eyes, “for me,having you here, fills in the biggest blank” and they hug. When did this room get so dusty?

As Heart’s “Lost Angel” plays Dean drinks beer and looks at family photos. In his hand is one of Mary and baby Sam, in his lap is one of him and Sam with Bobby. As Mary opens John’s journal, she sees John’s medals and a photograph of a group of Hunters, with Bobby being front and center. She looks confused, and I like that they’re trying to draw a line from their blood family to Bobby, who in the end was the real father to them. I imagine Mary will have some confusion as to why this trucker-cap-wearing junk man played such an important role in their lives.

Driving along, Lady B tells Mick she will not get on that plane. Mick insists she will, as her mission was to befriend and gain the trust of the American Hunters, as that’s what the Home Office wants. He says the Winchesters have also had their fair share of successes. Lady B insists they need to be eliminated and Mick says “if push comes to shove, I’m prepared for that.” Lady B can’t believe that Mick would get his hands dirty and Mick reluctantly says “Well, we have Mr. Catch for that.” The “psychopath” who Lady B was really afraid of. Mick tells her he’s already been sent for, and we see a man’s figure in a room, loading up a suitcase with lots of guns and knives. In the background, Tower Bridge!

Well, that’s it for this week. I might have to eat crow on my Mary/Cas shipping, but I hope to see more development between the Winchester family, even if that means some painful truths. Until next week, keep your salt and holy water close at hand.