G.g. Launchbaugh I can’t see Hannibal driving a chevy pickup, that’s just ridiculous.

Kip Reed The Hannies I fell in love with would have color coordinated with that truck.

Ronnie Gardocki Truly, Anthony Hopkins is a man of a thousand hats

Brian Auron Scotch and Cheez-Its. Best way to obsess over something.

Brian Skinner She needs to stop listening to Hannibal’s Pandora station

Brian Skinner That’s probably sparkling pear juice – she so sensible

Kip Reed For someone that lives in utter fear of Hannibal coming back for her, she really goes lax on the security

Ronnie Gardocki This is like jazz: you have to think of the scenes this DOESN’T have. Ridley Scott’s opposed to typical desires to include “interesting scenes” in a film

Brian Skinner …I touched your left boob while you slept

Chris Jones Hannibal Lecter: Gadget Man.

Jody Skinner “Clarice – I was in your house – and I hope you feel threatened because next I’m going to – PLEASE DEPOSIT TEN CENTS”

Ronnie Gardocki “Old man prank phone calls Julianne Moore”

Brian Skinner I always feel like some cannibals watching me

Jody Skinner “…ain’t got no privacy, oh-woh-oh”

Ronnie Gardocki Jesus Christ, Hopkins, just read her fucking livejournal and jerk off, stop wasting people’s time

G.g. Launchbaugh She’s got him monologing

Brian Skinner Kill the trumpet guy

Brian Auron This is the weirdest place on earth. Shops, string quartets, trains, cannibals… It’s got everything.

Ronnie Gardocki “Clarice, are you looking forward to the next season of Orange is the New Black?”

Brian Skinner Please never stop monologuing – every word is genius

Kip Reed “Hannibal do you just want to fuck and get this over with or what?”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Not until I know for sure you aren’t the sister that the Nazis fed me

G.g. Launchbaugh wouldn’t Marco Polo be a classier way of him doing that?

Kip Reed Electricity! My oldest enemy..

Kip Reed Where’s my money bitch! SHARK TOOTH WANTS HIS MONEY!

Brian Skinner Did he respond with ‘ba-bing”?

G.g. Launchbaugh That guy is too fat for Hannibal to eat, bad for the heart.

Ronnie Gardocki They did the unthinkable: THEY SUBDUED AN OLD MAN

Ronnie Gardocki FBI Agent: “This sucks. MY personal super villain is James O’Keefe…”

Kip Reed You’re going home where those pig murderers know exactly where you live. The place with no security, go there and wait for the movie to come back to you.

G.g. Launchbaugh what a high security gate!

Kip Reed skills: Using car as lockpick

Chris Jones Where we’re going, we don’t need roads…

Brian Auron Car > Cow… for now

Jody Skinner Who let da hogs out? Who – who – who – who?

G.g. Launchbaugh He loves those pigs

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Finally, Pajamas

G.g. Launchbaugh oh classical music- this is to let us know he’s a monster too!

Brian Skinner Cart vs wheelchair!!

Brian Auron Gary Oldman googled “Hannibal Lecter feet”

Ronnie Gardocki Oh, he’s being wheeled in because Silence of the Lambs was a movie people enjoyed!

Brian Skinner Papa always said start with the feet

Ronnie Gardocki I think Hopkins is already bored in this kidnapping situation

Kip Reed oh oh oh..uhh man.. I wanna say Jason? Is it Jason? I am sorry I am horrible with….faces.

Ronnie Gardocki My friend thinks Hannibal is a “nice guy”, whereas I believe him to be Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character in Happiness

Jody Skinner I thought I saw a post by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and got excited.

Ronnie Gardocki “Yeah, yeah, you don’t have a face, you want to kill me, can I GET SOME MALBEC MAYBE?”

Kip Reed Jesus Judas whats next Timothy’s failure on the road to Paul? Am I right folks?

Chris Jones He tried to kill him with a forklift…

Brian Auron They wouldn’t let Ridley Scott put Hannibal in a big, yellow, cranebot. That’s what’s really missing from this movie.

Jody Skinner I want the forklift to go backward while Hannies goes “meep! meep! meep!”

Brian Skinner I bet Hannibal dies here…I bet Hannibal dyes his hair.

Ronnie Gardocki If the credits don’t say “special thanks to Michael Vick” for location shooting, I’ll eat one of Anthony Hopkins’ identity obscuring hats

Brian Auron That is the longest codeword to get pigs to eat human flesh I’ve ever heard.

Kip Reed are…are the pigs speaking Italian?

Brian Skinner Kip no one speaks Italian in this movie

Jody Skinner The hogs also smell of ambergris

Chris Jones Eat your heart out, B. F. Skinner…

Brian Skinner The pigs hate this 1Direction tape

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast didn’t you hear I won a Guinness world record for killing bitches like you

Kip Reed Oh she got me right in the fat!

Ronnie Gardocki “I need to save this monster man from dying because… fuck it, WHATEVER”

Brian Skinner Like old times when you saved me from pigs

Brian Skinner Jody – this pig scene makes for a romantic evening

Brian Auron Hannies getting tased: 30 seconds of downtime…Clarice getting winged in the shoulder: four hours of downtime

Kip Reed I am pretty sure that fall would have fucking turned him into dust

Brian Skinner The hero of the movie – Cordell

G.g. Launchbaugh just like with T rex, the pigs can’t see you if you don’t move

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast shouldn’t have ordered the henchmen override wheelchair

Brian Skinner Papa always said that wheelchairs make a man vulnerable to killer pigs

Brian Auron Even this guy’s car is douchey.

G.g. Launchbaugh oh he drives a Porsche, yep, totally don’t care if he dies

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast heh heh are there boobs in here

G.g. Launchbaugh but I live alone and only eat TV dinners?

Jody Skinner And behind door #2……………

Kip Reed Hannies is deadly with that rag

Brian Skinner I like that to make Hopkins dangerous people have to get in really close range

Chris Jones Man, I had the craziest dream…

Brian Auron “Hannies, did you change me?”

“Yessss, Clarice.”

“How come I don’t have any underwear on?”

G.g. Launchbaugh women love it when you dress them after you drug them, right?

Ronnie Gardocki He DIDN’T rape her, because come on, serial killer cannibals who off people based on playing the flute unsatisfactorily have SOME standards

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast well he’s not RUDE

Jody Skinner What’s sore, Clarice?

Brian Auron #boobs

Brian Skinner #sideboobwich

Ronnie Gardocki “Clarice…I’ve set up Chutes and Ladders for us to play”

Chris Jones He really should be wearing an apron…

Kip Reed thanks for stitching the shoulder up.. but the tramp stamp HANNIES PROPERTY.. I don’t think that was necessary

Ronnie Gardocki “There’s so much more strategic thinking, Clarice!”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast They could have the best game of scrabble ever…Think about it.

Jody Skinner He’s serving – The Remains of the Day

Brian Skinner This requires a suspension of belief that he had a brain to begin with

G.g. Launchbaugh I always wanted to watch you eat? oh he’s a charmer!

Ronnie Gardocki Oh, that lovable scamp Hannibal, ripping out parts of Ray Liotta’s brain and cooking them because he was a dick in the one or two scenes of “characterization” Hannibal deigned to have

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast drinking the broth will marinate your brain

G.g. Launchbaugh should have gone with a Man with two brains style screw top lid

Brian Auron It’s fine, I saw them do something like this in Temple of Doom

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast it’s free range brain

Brian Skinner Which part of the brain is umami?

Brian Auron #innersideboobwich

Brian Skinner Worst fetish ever

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast You should be resting in your low cut dress

Kip Reed Come on Clarice it’s a god damn butter knife, what are you going to do spread me to death

Kip Reed what’s weird is how fake the brain CGI looks but how great the fully CGI Anthony Hopkins is

Chris Jones Iron Chef is getting really hardcore…

Ronnie Gardocki Dom DeLuise’s Silence of the Hams had less ham than Hopkins’ performance

Brian Skinner #brainwich

G.g. Launchbaugh mmmm I’m delicious!

Ronnie Gardocki This movie has done the unthinkable: made me not enjoy Ray Liotta being abused

Jody Skinner Surprisingly, it tasted overcooked and artsy fartsy

Kip Reed Sarge I don’t want to bitch but we’ve been driving over this same bridge for twenty minutes.. we are lost.

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast but Paul was the only one who ate!

Brian Skinner Paul seems smarter now honestly… I hope his last words are “are you queer?”

Jody Skinner Frigidaire, meet Tresseme

Brian Auron Breaking off the handle as a locking mechanism sounds totally legit.

Chris Jones Vegetarian Times on the fridge. How droll…

Kip Reed OH FUCK YOU MOVIE..vegetarian times…FUCK YOU

Jody Skinner As if they have the protein intake to write newsletters

Ronnie Gardocki “We’re not so different, Clarice. Except for the fact that you’re a law abiding citizen who only kills in a professional capacity when totally necessary, whereas I eat people who inconvenience me”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast NOPE

Ronnie Gardocki Goddamn, just set up a fucking OKCupid account, Lecter

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Gonna get clinatro all over your stump

Kip Reed remember when you saved his life because of your moral code? Hope that moral code can pick up a fork or open a door.

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast so that dramatic “ow” was NOTHING BUT LIES

Brian Skinner More like Handible

Chris Jones Show me your hands… Heh.

Brian Skinner Clarice never wears a dress! Shoot that impostor!

Kip Reed pre 9/11 cannibals could just get on international flights like no big deal.

Ronnie Gardocki I’d love it if Hopkins only drank shitty $6 supermarket wine, and tried to justify it. “Look at the penguin on the label!”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast He’s flying COACH, the horror

Ronnie Gardocki I’m happy to find out latter day Hopkins is just as irritating and terrible as James Purefoy in the Emmy Award winning The Following

Brian Skinner Mister why do you eat like a gimp?

Kip Reed a young Jeffery Dahmer meets Hannibal histories untold stories!

Jody Skinner He’d be ok with what Justin Timberlake would put in that box

Brian Skinner Unusual = Asian

Jody Skinner Asians have been treated so well the whole movie

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast This kid has the worst mom ever

Brian Skinner The old feed the Asian kid brain food ending

Ronnie Gardocki Oh FUCK YOU ending on his goddamn eye

Brian Skinner Have his eyes turn yellow then we hearing laughing and howling

Brian Auron Fade to black aaaaaand WINK!

Chris Jones Can’t wait for the catering credit…

Jody Skinner Post critique: too much gratuitous pajamas

Brian Skinner Hey ending – fuck you

Ronnie Gardocki “HANNIBAL WILL RETURN IN: some stupid garbage”

Jody Skinner Pun time! That movie was hogwash

Brian Auron This movie was so anti-Italian it’s-a not-a even-a funny, capisce?

Brian Skinner Some of this movie was so ridiculous I laughed my face off

Jody Skinner M Night Shymalan, you did it again!!!

Brian Skinner If Netflix recommended Face-Off after that movie I would have lost my mind

Jody Skinner Dear Clarice, I wax eloquent to make up for the gentleman who uses such crass terms as ‘corn pone’. I shall brainwash him anon

Kip Reed Winners: Barney, Bolton, and Cornell (not eaten). That crack dealing baby who was the brains of Elvera’s whole outfit, Ridley Scotts racist tendency, and Gucci (so much product placement) Losers: the Italians…all of em, Judas Iscariot, Meatless brain substitute, the TSA, bros, Pig murderers, the fbi website, and finally… art in all its forms. FUCK you movie.

Kip Reed everyone has curly hair and is a god damn model

Jody Skinner Sayid from Lost had it coming

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast That guy is leaking Kool Aid

Jody Skinner I haven’t seen gushing like that since xnxx

Brian Skinner So many busts in this movie but nothing sexy

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast why is he wearing a suit, if I was that guy It would be pajamas for life

Ronnie Gardocki Oh cool, Gary Oldman’s in the movie, and he looks like the Jigsaw doll in the Saw movies

Brian Skinner Check out this cat video Mr Verger

Kip Reed Bingo… what does the computer screen say I can’t really see.. at all.

Kip Reed the crypt keeper: the early years

Brian Auron I call him HANNIBAL the… CANNIBAL EH HEH HEH HEH!

(Sir, that’s the original joke)

OH, oh, ok. He’s going to have a FRIEND… for DINNER! EEE HEHEHEHEHEHE!

(That, too, sir.)

Wow, really? Ok. I’ll keep working on it.

Brian Skinner Shoes before shirt – dressing Italian style – Italian Style Dressing if you will

Brian Auron I put my shoes on in my underwear, too! Maybe I’m Italian?

G.g. Launchbaugh boy this is certainly advancing the plot.

Ronnie Gardocki I feel like if this movie’s about anything, it’s about characters wasting the time of other characters

Brian Skinner This artsy fartsy stuff seems a bit … You know

Jody Skinner Finally. The Liotta brain opera we’ve all been waiting for

Kip Reed this opera is so beautiful… hopefully it stays super unominus

Chris Jones Finger sandwich?

Brian Skinner Where is the fat lady? She’d probably be delicious

G.g. Launchbaugh I like you, I’ll eat you last

Kip Reed it’s super progressive he’s married to a skeleton, in the south that shit would not fly.

Jody Skinner I’m getting turned on by the sheer amount of forehead being shown

Brian Skinner She’s so charmed by this old sack of mashed potatoes posing as a dangerous intellectual

G.g. Launchbaugh ah the glories of windows 3.1 !

Chris Jones fbi.net? Are they running an isp?

Ronnie Gardocki Hannibal’s gonna be jerking off to the best porn Compuserve provides, pissed off that the pick up line “you are what you eat…and I wanna be you” bombed

Brian Skinner Imagine if they had access to the power of the Almighty Cloud?

Jody Skinner Mac books and font Geneva

Chris Jones Are you interested in changing your long distance provider?

Brian Auron I’v-a already got-a my cigarette-a lit, whaddaya wamme ta do?

Kip Reed Jez Agent.. it’s 1:30pm we are wrapping up the day here.

Brian Skinner He’s a-gone-a-home-a

Kip Reed are you sure you haven’t sold his location to pig murderers?

Brian Skinner Europeans smoke – this movie is accurate

Brian Skinner No speaky English – except all the time

Kip Reed I prefer to stay involved.. so I can get a cool movie death.

Kip Reed Go for pig murderers

Jody Skinner It’s-a me, Mario!

Brian Skinner Finally since non stereotype italians

Kip Reed well I totally have put my faith in two hicks from the backwoods of nowhere…this shit should work out

Ronnie Gardocki “I need to prove my intellectual superiority before I eat someone”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast That tie is the most terrifying thing in this scene

Ronnie Gardocki Hannibal’s basically an Image Comics version of a one-off foil to Frasier on a mediocre episode of Cheers

Brian Skinner He wakes up and plans each day’s foreshadowing meticulously

Kip Reed odd because I am pretty sure I just ate your wife…JUDAS!

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast I’ll be a minute gathering my things, you’ll be forever gathering your guts

Ronnie Gardocki This is the worst last night of drinking ever. Or should I say it’s a bottle of Chianti with a side of INCIDENTAL CHARACTER I KILLED, CHOPPED UP AND TURNED INTO EDIBLE MEAT

Kip Reed this blinking system could change the language game as we know it

Jody Skinner Suddenly he resembles Rodney Dangerfield.

Brian Skinner Duct tape – is there anything you can’t do?

G.g. Launchbaugh buffy’s tavern, 8 ball speaking

Brian Skinner She don’t care because she’s got spunk

Kip Reed No this is Janet from… not the FBI..

Brian Auron “Dr. Lecter, I’ve spent the movie so far proving how many more balls I have than my male coworkers, so I SAY YOU AGIN, SAY YOU ME IS HE DAY-YED!?”

Ronnie Gardocki If Hannibal was from Kentucky no one would like the character

Jody Skinner Not even with 13 original spices

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Let me clarify doctor….calling you when you’re on the can is an awkward moment. Not when you’re about to disembowel a dude

Chris Jones Hoist by his own petard…

Brian Skinner This better not be the end of the Italian stereotypes in this movie

Jody Skinner How’s it hangin’?

G.g. Launchbaugh oh that’s just offal

Brian Skinner Fuck you G.g.

Kip Reed Ridley Scott gets the Italian and Japanese in one shot! Nailed’em!

Ronnie Gardocki I like how Italy is basically a city block at Universal Studios in this movie

Brian Skinner You don’t see that everyday in Osaka

Kip Reed yeah see the guts stand for society and the phone stands for progress and society dumps on progress but it’s like you just can’t hang around man

Brian Auron The crowd stands for Hannibal, consuming the whole affair, while Hannibal, oddly enough, stands for academia.

Brian Auron Enhance… *typing*…Enhance… *typing*… Enhance…

Kip Reed Everyone always hikes Runyan Cannon (LOCAL JOKES!)

G.g. Launchbaugh Run Clarice Run!

Brian Auron “Do you think Hannibal will like my Jason Cosplay?”

Kip Reed the mask definitely draws the eye

Brian Skinner This reminds me of the movie Mask

Ronnie Gardocki This week: Hannibal fights the dastardly villain PARAPLEGO

Brian Skinner Looks like Verger really lost face with that failed plan

Jody Skinner Mr Verger just put pop rocks on a can of soda. The “eat my face” thing was made up.

Ronnie Gardocki “Look, Gary Oldman, pose rhetorical questions all you like, I still need to get at that bedpan”

Brian Skinner I’m sorry I can’t concentrate on your words because you know … your face.

Kip Reed MORE KHAKI! MORE!

Jody Skinner Inner lip-smackin’ good!

Ronnie Gardocki In the sequel, Hannibal has to push a blind man down the stairs

Brian Skinner Oh come on costuming director

Brian Auron How much more WASPy can Ray Liotta get?

Jody Skinner Corn pone pussy or straight arrow!? Make up your mind while you still have it Liotta

Kip Reed Miss Starling no evidence leads to any proof but you’re a woman so you will shut up in this office.

Brian Auron “Clarice, you’re obviously boffing Hannibal. Who is a queer. I can tell, ‘cuz he likes artsy fartsy. Ignore my short white shorts.”

Jody Skinner Philastines? You mean Philistines? Hannibal didn’t write it

Kip Reed I am starting to think the FBI is bullshit

Brian Skinner The evidence is that you’re a woman wearing pants

G.g. Launchbaugh I wonder if Krender will be made into a Cruller?

Ronnie Gardocki The fucking X-Files did a better job of showing the FBI of not consisting of 3 people

G.g. Launchbaugh dogs watching TV- now that’s entertainment

Brian Skinner Dogs hate cannibals – Google it

Jody Skinner That’s it. The German shepherd dies too. Who speaks better Italian than all y’all.

Kip Reed you see Rover is good boy, not rude.. not rude. Please..

Brian Auron I simply must have a clock. I’m all artsy-fartsy queer, you see.

Brian Skinner He’s so cultured – I know because the soundtrack is smashing me in the face with it

Ronnie Gardocki I want a reboot of the character where Hannibal only listens to Britpop

Kip Reed Hospitals: You can pretty much walk in and take whatever the fuck you want.

Jody Skinner Operatics in the OR. Fitting.

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast He just walked in and stole all that stuff, this is Obamacare’s fault

Kip Reed neither did Ridley Scott

Jody Skinner Joan Rivers just after surgery

Brian Skinner Too much handsome

Patrick Guder PIGEONS! AHHHH!!!!

Brian Skinner Can’t shake those fish mongers. They’ve monged it all

Jody Skinner Farmers market = tattoo sleeves. Inevitable.

Ronnie Gardocki This is kind of the Hannibal Lecter version of the pre-credits Bond action setpiece, only this is completely worthless and stupid.

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Dressed to Impressed

Jody Skinner …as a zebra

Brian Skinner I hope the baby is a gun

Kip Reed This is actually not a shot from the movie, it’s just Julianne Moore realizing what movie she’s in.

Brian Auron FOX35, for all your Funereal and Police Activity news

Kip Reed what the fuck you couldn’t get nine of the same kind of TV??

G.g. Launchbaugh tonight on plot summary tv…

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast why is his bed in the dining room?

Brian Skinner Hard reporting – pulls no punches – now let’s ground this story with the faceless guy.

Brian Auron Ray Liotta: “My GOD these glasses are tasty.”

G.g. Launchbaugh ooo Henry Hill is pissed

Kip Reed this is snake pants from homeland, clown nose from agriculture, Henry Hill from goodfellas, and that’s vice admiral silly walk.

Jody Skinner The pearl earrings are overstated.

Kip Reed I had a choice to take this role… I said no, then they said do you like money? And sir..I took that money sir. Is that good enough for you?

Brian Skinner The real tragedy? His haircut

Jody Skinner Pinstripe or seersucker? Why decide?

Ronnie Gardocki Cordell Doemling? FUCK YOU MOVIE, THAT’S NOT A REAL NAME

Brian Auron Hello, Agent Starling, I’m the wormy guy!

Brian Skinner By all means put the microphone on my dick

Jody Skinner Her best acting is looking at Mr Verger with a straight face.

Ronnie Gardocki “Julianne Moore humors mutilated cripple: The Motion Picture”

Jody Skinner “The dark side of turtlenecks – at 11!”

Kip Reed poppers.. not even once

Ronnie Gardocki Drug use based on the film “Reefer Madness”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Peeling his face off also made him lose all that rockstar hair

Brian Skinner They peeled faces off twenty hobos to get the look accurate

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast #facewich

Brian Skinner Don’t move your teeth Miss Moore – it’s called acting

Jody Skinner Whole faces are starting to look abnormal too me…

Brian Auron Surely someone who saves a pigeon can’t be a greedy monster!

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Time for Pigeon Pie

Brian Skinner Needs more stags

Jody Skinner #foodstamps

Ronnie Gardocki “Can you blame me for earning a quarter million spilling monster person secrets to a monster person?”

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Fuck these pigeons

Kip Reed Anthony Hopkins reads Pigeon: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE

Ronnie Gardocki Hannibal’s probably gonna be in this movie at some point, right? This isn’t a Spider-Man 2 situation where he’s thrown his mask into a garbage can, saying “I am Cannibal-Man no more”, right?

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Sunglasses indoors…eurotrash

Kip Reed Hey excuse me just one more question sir, am I… am I Jean Reno?

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast I like that guy better when he’s trying to destroy House Atreides

Jody Skinner Hats and cigarettes in church. Ahh Italia!

Brian Skinner It’s him!!! #cannibalwich

Brian Skinner That hat is a … Choice

Jody Skinner A lifestyle choice. 1st amendment.

Ronnie Gardocki A fucking hat can fool the Italian security apparatus, obviously

G.g. Launchbaugh nobody looks good in that hat…okay, Bowie does.

Kip Reed OH FUCK CURSIVE!

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast Look at that Kerning…so hot…

Brian Auron Handwriting As An Instrument of Evil: by Hannibal Lecter

Ronnie Gardocki If this was made now, Hannibal would totally forward a lot of anti-Obama chain letters to Clarice

Kip Reed Let’s see.. Dear Clarice if you don’t mail ten copies of this letter..

Jody Skinner “Dear Clarice, we’ve landed in Normandy. Many have died. I may never see you again, sweetheart, but if I do….your face is mine.” -Lieutenant Hannibal

Brian Skinner I write ‘alas’ all the time in my threatening letters

Chris Jones The Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes is getting elaborate…

Ronnie Gardocki “Great, some Frasier-esque creep is sending me letters again”

Kip Reed tata… HANNIES

G.g. Launchbaugh he can really play that newspaper!

Kip Reed really candle light.. a little on the nose biting don’t you think?

Brian Skinner Take a shot every time he says Clarice because he said it in Silence of the Lambs

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast A panel of the worlds finest noses

Ronnie Gardocki Mark Margolis! Noted Jewish Italian Latino villain

Jody Skinner Don’t bring the smell guy to the State Fair.

Kip Reed ..ambergis.. KFC… Sandalwood… KFC extra crispy

Brian Skinner Look about twenty percent more haggard please

Jody Skinner The only thing bigger than Interpol guy’s nose are the bags under his eyes. Even Southwest would charge a fee.

Kip Reed that’s the nicest Olive Garden these eyes have ever seen

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast he’s dressed like the room he’s in!!!

Brian Auron Cut out of this movie: Hannibal, Alfred, and Bruce seeing each other across the tables.

Kip Reed if some couple doesn’t’ start to fight and then make love immediately I am turning this off

G.g. Launchbaugh not since geocities have I seen such a spectacular website

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast He’s checking il googles

Ronnie Gardocki oh man CHECK OUT THAT 2000 INTERNET IT’S FUCKIN’ FIL-THY

Chris Jones Should have asked Jeeves…

Brian Auron I like how the page to access the database is public, but when you do so, it tells you you’re breaking the law.

Kip Reed I either have to hack this site for the top ten or go to a post office.

Jody Skinner #milkcarton

Brian Skinner ‘Password123′

G.g. Launchbaugh password is swordfish

Ronnie Gardocki I love the search engine that only gives you the one thing you want. In reality this dude would have to sift through a lot of “sign up 10 friends to get a free Hannibal Lecter PS4″

Kip Reed She’s listening to Can We Just Be Friends on the Rhymes with Nerdy network available on iTunes now!

G.g. Launchbaugh Ray Liotta likes the boobies

Kip Reed I keep thinking this is where the FBI stashed Henry Hill.. in plain sight.. so perfect.

Brian Skinner So he got a job because of his power of insight like “artsy fartsy people like chamber music and other dudes”

Brian Auron “Queers like artsy fartsy stuff. I like football and boobs. I’m a straight cop. Boobs.”

Brian Skinner Subtle writing on this character

Ronnie Gardocki Hahaha, Liotta totally botched saying “fiefdom”

Jody Skinner Is corn pone pussy alliterative enough?

Ronnie Gardocki See, they’re characterizing Liotta as irritating so NO ONE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A MONSTER PERSON EATING HIM LATER

Brian Skinner So all dudes are basically monsters … seems accurate

Jody Skinner Plastic? In Italy? Next you’ll tell me they eat babies

Brian Skinner Call our vague accent hotline

Kip Reed the number is 00 GO BLOW ME.. aw you damn jerky boys!

G.g. Launchbaugh the call was coming from inside the phonebooth!

Brian Auron BUT WHO WAS PHONE!?

Rhymes With Nerdy Podcast That guy has great hair

Ronnie Gardocki In the next movie, Hopkins kills and eats everyone who dares to say “could care less” when they mean “couldn’t care less”

Jody Skinner Do de-craniumed brains cool off from 98.6 too fast to warrant a hot plate? Guess we’ll find out.

Kip Reed Hannies is smoking and barefoot.. I feel so fucking weird right now

Brian Skinner Needs more busts

Kip Reed let me just pull these blood splatter curtains

Jody Skinner I hoard shit and wear silk pajamas. It’s what doctors do.

G.g. Launchbaugh Ash already, we can’t stand the tension!

Brian Skinner So we’ve heard goody goody and okie dokie – Best Script Ever

Brian Auron Coming up: Hunky Dory and Totes McGotes

If you missed the groupwatch, read the whole saga in detail here:

That’s 849 Comments worth of Hilarity (trust me, I’ve read every single comment). Thanks to newcomer Chris Jones for joining in the fun!

Over the past decade-and-a-half, television has seemingly entered a golden age. A number of shows have become critically adored, with new heights achieved in acting, writing, and directing. Despite this, I was able to remain almost completely oblivious to almost every critically acclaimed television show that has debuted since 1999, only hearing about how good these shows were and how I was missing out.

“How could this be?” you may ask.

“He must not own a TV, or else he has been in a 14-year long coma, or maybe he’s really into some kind of solitaire and that takes up most of his time.”

I could offer up a variety of reasons: I watch a lot of sports (although, as a Cleveland sports fan, that’s probably not a valid excuse), I’m generally a bigger fan of film, I did not have a Netflix account until late 2013 (what the hell was I thinking?), focusing on school, only being six years old, etc. Regardless, it has come to the point where I can’t have any discussions about good television (if you want to talk about NCIS or Bones, though, I’m your guy). I have recently taken it upon myself to catch up on these television shows, both shows that have already concluded and shows that are still going strong.

The three criteria I used to decide which shows that I will talk about here are:

1)     I did not watch the majority of the episodes during their original air date and

2)    The show is or was critically well received.

3)    The show’s first episode aired after January 1, 1999

In these essays, I will discuss why I originally missed these shows, my reactions after watching them, the qualities that brought them acclaim, and my final opinions. So, without further ado, I’ll start with the show that showed me just how good television could be. (Just a small heads up: I love using parentheses, so there’s a bunch of them.)

Why I didn’t watch it in the first place: I actually watched the first episode on its original air date, and I remember enjoying it well enough, but for one reason or another (probably a combination of mountains of schoolwork and reservation about a seemingly unnecessary addition to the Hannibal Lecter story) I ended up just DVRing the series and then proceeded to completely forget about it. I eventually remembered about the recordings, and decided to start again from the beginning. I ended up watching the entire season over the course of three nights, which was a wise decision as it really added to the atmosphere of the show.

What did I think of the show: I’ll get this out of the way right at the outset: Hannibal was the first show that I truly fell in love with (not counting shows I watched when I was six). Everything about it perfectly clicked for me. The show took what appeared to be tired property (Hannibal Rising…yikes) and ran with it full throttle to create something that I had never experienced before.

Luckily, I started watching close enough to the original airing that I didn’t encounter any major spoilers or catch wind of any major plot points (due in no small part to NBC’s…lackluster advertizing for the show). I was aware of some of the big plot points through knowledge of the Hannibal Lecter movies (Wait, he eats people? You’re telling me that Hannibal…is a…cannibal? But those rhyme…), but I had no idea about the direction that the show would go in to maintain continuity within this already-constructed universe. This allowed me to truly appreciate what I was watching, especially the final scene of the season, which pays homage to Silence of the Lambs but reversed the roles of the Hannibal and the FBI agent to great effect.

The acting is excellent from top to bottom. The two standouts are Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen, who play Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter, respectively. Before watching Hannibal, I had never heard of Hugh Dancy, but he does an amazing job as Graham. He manages to capture the feelings and emotions of someone who is slowly coming apart at the seams, bringing a real physicality to the illness he is suffering while never pushing into scene-chewing territory. The forensic psychologist has become a recurring character on television, but Graham is worlds apart from those other representatives.

The real driving force behind the show, though, is Mads Mikkelsen. Unlike Hugh Dancy, I was familiar with Mikkelsen before watching, having seen him in the film Valhalla Rising. I was aware of his immense acting talent, and he brings all of it Hannibal. The man is a living advertisement for the phrase “Less is more”. Mikkelsen’s biggest strength is his incredible ability to say as much with his subtle facial expressions as he can with his words (If you are familiar with Valhalla Rising, then you are aware of his ability, as he doesn’t say one word in the whole film). He is able to imbue Lecter with a quiet sophistication that I couldn’t help but enjoy, even though I was well aware that he was a serial killer, which was also helped by his darkly comic timing (which is also exhibited by Dancy). He was faced with the unenviable task of portraying a character that had already been seen on screen twice (I’m not counting you, Hannibal Rising) and already was indelibly connected with one actor in particular.

Above all else, the hallmark of Hannibal is its style. A masterclass on the way style can add to a story, Hannibal features a number of stylistic elements that greatly enhance the atmosphere and emotion of the show. From the use of color to create a dreamy ambiance on screen to the carefully designed settings and the staging of crime scenes, it seems as if every stylistic choice has been meticulously thought out for maximum effect. There are a number of impressive visuals throughout the show, but arguably the most stylistically striking choice made is the use of a stag to symbolize Hannibal Lecter’s relationship with Will Graham. The stag is at once inviting and sinister, calm but at the same time menacing. It mirrors Hannibal’s ability to lure people in with his kindness and charm while hiding his murderous persona.

One aspect of style that stands out in particular is Hannibal’s cinematography, which is used to great effect. The camera movements have a sort of grace to them, contrasting the gruesome images appearing on the screen, providing a certain elegance not found in the real world. The cinematography acts as an invitation to watch these dreams. For example, a particularly powerful image that has stuck with me is of Dr. Chilton, head of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane (played masterfully by Raul Esparza) holding a basket of his own organs like a basket of fruit. The idea of holding your own organs is horrifying, but the way that the scene is shot gives it a sort of macabre elegance. The same could be said for the “angels” whose wings are made from the skin off their backs. The visuals of Hannibal are beautiful yet grotesque, and are so vivid that they stay and linger in the mind.

What I love more than anything else, though, is the show’s willingness to take chances. Bryan Fuller could have easily put out a case-of-the-week style show with an overarching story (something akin to House) and might have gotten away with it because of the name recognition of Hannibal Lecter. Instead, though, he decided to go a different route, focusing more on the characters, their decisions, and the beauty in the macabre (Apparently, after watching the first episode, Fuller decided to rewrite the most, if not all, of the season because he realized that “case-of-the-week” was not the right way to go with the story). Hannibal challenges the viewer with both its visuals and its characters’ choices, which, in my opinion, is the most you can ask from a show.

As I said at the beginning, I love Hannibal. This was the first show of any prestige for which I watched every episode. The amount of time and care put into each episode showed me what television could be. For someone who is partial to film, this seems like the perfect entry point into the world of television.

To finish things off, here are a couple Hannibal jokes:

•      A red carpet reporter asking Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb the question “Who are you wearing?”
•   The phrase “I’ve got your back” takes on a whole new meaning when said by Hannibal Lecter.

Those are free. You’re welcome.

Beth: Deer are a lot like us, we like corn and poop in the woods. Kip: they murder other girls that look like them, right dad? right?

Kip: we’ve been poking them with sticks, its fun.

Kip:  HEY I DID THAT! I mean.. I am the killer, I did it. Beth: Fancy Cannibal is blushing and wishing he’d brought his big notebook to cover an obvious boner.

Kip: You killed my dad, without antlers…It felt weird.

Kip: Will: Murdering is… Hannibal: RAD! Will: I was going to say awful..are you the killer? You are aren’t you?

Beth: Hello pleased to eat you, I mean meat you. Damn it. MEET you.

Kip: there are no heels or faces…there are just people and just actions.. and I am the killer, I mean I am not.. I mean.. aw fuck yeah its me. Skinner: Wait… Hannibal is a bad guy?

Kip: Hannibal please stop licking the cement.. so gross.

Kip: Nice work detective. We all saw him run off

Beth: Jesus Christ Antlerstar

Kip: I remember saying to myself oh it’s doctor hannibal and then he slammed my head into the wall, it was weird.

Kip: I have a certain set of skills Abigail

Kip: you can call me Unkie Hannies Beth: yay Cannibal buddies forever or until you smoke me on a bed of dry hay, whichever comes first.

With Season 2 Fast approaching (eeeeeeeeee!!!!) I will be Rewatching Season 1. Anyone up for a groupwatch? Unfortunately I don’t think season 1 is available on Prime/Netflix yet, but the last 3 episodes are still available on Hulu. Anyone up for a groupwatch/liveblog of the last 3 leading up to the Season 2 premiere?

Also I’d be terribly remiss if I didn’t mention how incredible the official NBCHANNIBAL tumblr and Cleolinda‘s Hannibal recaps are.

What are you guys hoping to see in the next season? More of Jack Crawford’s stoically ailing wife, Bella? More of Hannibal’s truly perplexing therapist Bedelia? For myself there is one thing I must, absolutely must know by the end of Season 2 episode 1.  HOW IS WINSTON?????