Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was directed by Burr Steers and stars Lily James, Sam Riley, Bella Heathcote, Lena Headey, Charles Dance, Douglas Booth and Matt Smith

The Good: 

We won’t beat around the bush, this wasn’t a movie that we were terribly eager to watch. That being said, there were a few things we enjoyed: the Bennet Sisters’s basement training, Matt Smith, every time Lena Headey’s Lady Catherine became ruffled. The opening montage was well done and Charles Dance makes a great Mr. Bennet (or would, if he was given ANY screentime). The zombie effects were well done and we liked the opening scene for how bananas it was.

The Bad:

We were very confused as to why some regency rules still applied after a zombie apocalypse and some didn’t. Why does Lizzy seem to be the only one allowed to wear dark dresses? Why are there still balls and assemblies? Why is Darcy’s coat so loud, isn’t he supposed to be able to sneak up on the undead? Why do they need to say zombie apocalypse, won’t ‘apocalypse’ be enough on it’s own? Why is Elizabeth the stern, Mary-like sister? Not that any of these issues were dealbreakers, and ordinarily something as insane and over-the-top as a regency zombie story would be enough to guarantee our liking it, but the odd pacing and wooden acting weren’t enough to lock us in.

The Ugly: 

There was nothing truly offensive in this movie, it didn’t even come close to reaching the depths of despair that ‘A Latter-Day Comedy’ and ‘Material Girls’ plunged us into. It just…was. Though we will say were were not fond of Darcy’s great plan to feed the human brains to the good zombies of St. Lazarus, essentially committing mass murder.

Verdict: 

Eh. Watch it on a sick day.

This week’s recommendations:

A Will of Iron by Linda Beutler

The Improvement of Her Mind by Ayden (available on the JAFF index – password required)

Linda and Beau discuss the latest release from Joana Starnes, The Unthinkable Triangle. They discuss the changing face of the Austenesque genre, emerging authors, and recommendations for your next Mr. Darcy fix.

I remember looking at the cover with some pretty heavy skepticism. It didn’t seem likely that there would be any Babysitters Club type adventures in this book. It looked scary. Dangerous.

The story was High Fantasy, so it was easy for me to get into, even moreso having young characters like Peter and Thomas who were close to my own age.

And that’s how it started for me. Reading Eyes of the Dragon opened my eyes up not just to horror and fantasy, but to reading in general. It did for me what Harry Potter has done for Millennials. After that I was hooked. I read every book I could get my hands on, including some I really shouldn’t have read until I was older. I remember a day when I was 12 my mother coming up to my room one afternoon. “We haven’t seen you all day,” she said. “Have you been up here reading this whole time?” Reading is what lit my creative fire, and it all started with Stephen King. So today Skinner and Gg joined me to talk about King and his influence on pop culture, from Walking Dead and Lost to Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place. We discuss the best and the worst, the trouble with endings, and a lengthy discussion on The Dark Tower series.

Lettice Knolleys, 1540 – 1634, British Noblewoman and Cousin of Elizabeth I

She was born to Sir Francis Knolleys and Lady Catherine Carey. Her mother was Elizabeth I’s first cousin and chief Lady of the Bedchamber. However Lettice’s childhood was uneventful until Mary I took over in 1553. The Knolleys were forced to go into hiding to Basel and then Frankfurt. After Mary I’s death, they returned to England. By this point however Elizabeth had started her eventual 45 year reign. Apparently she was always jealous of her young cousin Lettice. This becomes a growing problem as the years roll on. At this time Lettice was just one of Elizabeth’s maids of honour. Lettice was very popular and beautiful which Elizabeth resented.

In 1560, Lettice married Walter Devereax. They had 5 children. In 1572, Walter was appointed to the Lord Deputy in Ireland and served a tour. Shortly after the first, he did a second tour as Earl Marshal in Ireland. The family never travelled with him. Starting in 1565, there are records of flirtatiousness between Lettice and Robert Dudley, the Earl of Leicester. They officially started having an affair in 1575 while Walter was away. A year later, Walter died of dysentery. It’s suspected that Robert poisoned him but according to medical records of the time, “all his inwarde parts were sound.” The affair continued, resulting in Lettice pregnant and two secret weddings, one in Kenilworth and the other in Wanstead. Their son, Robert, was born after 4 months of marriage. They kept this a secret, the marriage and baby, from Elizabeth for over a year.

A French ambassador leaked it to the queen, who was rather irate. Lettice was banned from the court and only returned once for a private interview with the queen. Lettice’s youngest, Robert, died in 1584. He was 5. Robert Dudley died three years later. Dudley made her the sole executrix of his will. He was in great debt. As a result Elizabeth forced her to sell off their property. Her other son, Robert Devereax, the new Earl of Essex, introduced her to his buddy Christopher Blout. Lettice and Chris were married in 1589.

Elizabeth banned her cousin from the courts even when her son, Robert Devereax, was in prison. Chris, Lettice, and their family were under house arrest in Essex. They tried to escape but failed. Christopher Blout and Robert Devereax were caught and executed. Lettice died on Christmas day in 1634.

German Riescro, 1854 – 1916, Chilean President from 1901 to 1906

German was born to Mauricio Riescro Droguett and Carlota Errazuriz. His father was a Spanish merchant. His mother was the sister of Federico Errazuriz, Chilean President from 1871 to 1876. After graduating from the National Institute, he attended the University of Chile in 1875 he started a judicial career. He started out as an Officer of Member, then Senior Officer in Ministry of Justice and Public Instruction. He rose through the ranks and built a remarkable reputation. He retired in 1898. German was elected Senator of Talca in 1900 as the Liberal Party candidate. He was so popular that he was nominated and became the Liberal presidential candidate for the 1901 election. The Conservative party had Pedro Montt running against him. German swept the election with 184 votes, 68.91% and Pedro Montt had only 83 votes, 31.09%.

German was in office in from September 18, 1901 to September 18, 1906. His presidential career was marked with social unrest, including the Meat Riots. This was a protest where the poor from Santiago led a strike against the rising price of meat. 26 people died and many others were injured. In 1906, an earthquake ravaged Chile. Riescro stepped down and gave power over to Pedro Montt. German retired from politics and died in 1916.

Mark Twain, 1835 – 1910, Writer

Mr. Twain was born Samuel Clemens in Florida, Missouri. Lil Sammy was the 6^th of 7 children. The Clemens family moved to Hannibal, Missouri when he was 4. He spent his childhood summers on his uncle’s farm hanging out with the slaves. His father passed away when he was 11 causing him to leave school and work. He became a printer’s assistant.

Seven years later he moved to the East Coast. Mr. Clemens worked for various newspapers in New York City and Philadelphia. In 1857, he moved back to Missouri to become a steamboat captain. The Civil War broke out, drying up business so he joined a volunteer Confederate troop, the Marion Rangers. He quit two weeks later. Post-war he moved to Virginia City, Nevada. He tried and failed to be a silver prospector. Again he turned to writing for newspapers. This was where the name Mark Twain was first used. He shortly after moved to San Francisco, where he became a national sensation. It was a short story titled, Jim Smiley and his Jumping Frog. He wrote a travel report on the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii) for the Sacramento Union. This was so popular he did a national lecture tour. Around this time he travelled to Europe and the Holy Land.

On this trip he met Charles Langdon.  Chuck showed Mr. Twain a photo of his sister Olivia Langdon. A few years later in 1870, Olivia and Mr. Twain were married. They had 4 children, Langdon, Susy, Jean, and Clara. They moved to Hartford, Connecticut. They stayed for 17 years. This is where his career exploded however this was marred by poor investments. His son, Langdon, died in 1872. He filed for bankruptcy in 1891. During this time he wrote Huckleberry Finn, the first book published by his own publishing house.

To make money again he did a worldwide lecture tour. He and his wife traveled the world for the reminder of years. She died in 1904. His only child to outlive him was Clara. Mr. Twain passed away in 1910 from a heart attack. He had approximately $471,000 which is equal to $12,000,000 in today’s money.

Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769 – 1821, French Emperor

Napoleon tried and failed to conquer the world. He was also not that short among many other things.

George Bernard Shaw, 1856 – 1950, Playwright

The legendary playwright came from odd beginnings. His parents were, Lucinda Elizabeth Shaw – a professional singer, and George Carr Shaw – a failed corn merchant turned civil servant. His father had a squint that Oscar Wilde’s father, a prominent surgeon, tried to fix. Lucinda was trained by Vandeleur Lee. When George Bernard was about 16, his mother ran away with Vandeleur Lee to London. Bernard remained in Dublin with his father while his sister left with Lucinda. He reluctantly finished school and briefly became a clerk.

In 1876, he moved to London with his mother and sister to focus on becoming a writer. He trained vigorously to overcome his stutter via socialist meetings, soapboxes and other methods.

He with Beatrice and Sidney Webb founded the Fabian society, which played parts on establishing the Labour Party and London School of Economics in 1891. Bernard became a critic for art, music and theatre at this time using the name Corno di Bassetto.

His first play, Widower’s Houses, was finished in 1891. Over the next decade he wrote 12 more plays but none were produced in London. A few were produced abroad, Arms and the Man, and Mrs. Warren’s Profession. In 1898 he moved out of his mom’s house and married Charlotte Payne-Townsend. Harley Granville Barker became the new manager of Court Theatre in Chelsea and produced Shaw’s plays locally. The only play at this time that wasn’t produced by Barker was Pygmalion. He finally made it as a writer and was making money but WW1 happened. He criticized the war and was lambasted and austrized by the public. Only one play was written in this time, Heartbreak House. In 1920s his creative spark was awakened again and his career recovered. In 1925, Bernard was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. His plays were produced worldwide and became an international celebrity.

He fell off a ladder in 1950 and died from the injuries.

Judy Garland, 1922 – 1969, Actress and Cultural Icon

Ms. Garland was born Frances Gumm in Grand Rapids, Minnesota. Some MGM releases state that she was born in 1923 in Murfreesboro, Tennessee but these are false. Frances was the 3^rd of 3 girls. Each one had a nickname, Mary Jane aka Susy, Doronthy Virginia aka Jimmie, and Frances Ethel aka Baby. She was Baby Gumm until 1934 when she changed her name to Judy Garland. She liked the peppy sound of the name Judy. She first performed at 2 and a half singing and dancing at a Christmas pageant at her parents’ theatre.

Judy made her film debut in 1929 in the film, Starlet Revue (also titled The Big Revue). That same year the sisters appeared in several MGM shorts. In 1935, she signed with MGM after her eldest sister married. She attended the Metro school with Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, and Lana Turner. She was regarded as ugly compared to fellow MGM actresses. This had a lasting effect on her for the rest of her life. She appeared in a few movies and in 1938 did The Wizard of Oz. She did not suddenly become a super star. Under her contract at MGM, she was required to do a variety of things besides act. She made public appearances, recorded albums, toured theatres, visited soldiers, among other things. She was already very popular and during the late 1930s received the most fan mail at MGM.

In 1950 she left MGM due to being overworked and failing health. She continued making movies and touring but her health was a constant problem. In 1963, Ms. Garland received two Oscar nominations. Over the years she was married several times. In 1969 the IRS took her home and was forced to work despite her health. She was found in her latest husband’s bathroom. Over the course of a mere 47 years, she became a beloved cultural icon. There will never be another Judy Garland.

William the Bastard, 1028 – 1087, Norman King of England

William the Bastard better known as William the Conquer was the son of Robert I of Normandy and Herleve or Arlette, a tanner’s daughter. Since he wasn’t of noble birth, he was not in the line of succession. His father died when he was 7 so his uncle took over raising him. He became a soldier and was knighted at 15. He rose through the ranks and became known as a brilliant tactician and powerful warrior. William played a large in unifying Normandy.

Even though he came from less than stellar beginnings he was beloved by the Normans. He married Mathilda of Flanders in 1051. That same year his cousin, Edward the Confessor, the King of England, had promised William the throne when he died. However in 1064 Harold II took the English throne and not William. Not only had Edward broken his promise but William had the support of the Pope and Emperor Henry IV. William prepped for an English invasion for the next 7 months. Harold assumed that this was another petty Norman invasion and didn’t take it seriously. At the Battle of Senlac Hill, Harold II was struck with an arrow then sliced by a cavalry soldier. 2 of Harold’s brothers died in the battle also. William’s Norman army crushed the dispirited English.

William was crowned king of England in 1066, the first Norman king. Later in life, King Philip of France called him fat. William was so hurt that he started a liquor and wine diet to lose weight. It didn’t work. He conquered a lot during his 21 year reign. His abdomen apparently exploded during his funeral and people ran away to escape the smell.

Maureen O’Hara, 1922 – Now, “Queen of Technicolor”

Hollywood legend Maureen O’Hara wasn’t always the magnetic screen goddess. She was born in Dublin, Ireland as Maureen FitzSimons. She was the 2^nd of 6 children. Her mother was an actress and opera singer and father, a businessman. Maureen had the performance bug very early. She attended the Abbey Theatre School and graduated in 1937.

Shortly after she moved to London and relatively quickly got cast in a film. However it was never produced but Charles Laughton noticed her. He suggested the name change which she did. Her first film was the Hitchcock film, Jamaica Inn. It received mediocre reviews but she was a highlight.

Charles Laughton continued helping her out and encouraged her to sign with RKO Studios. During this time she starred in Miracle on 34^th Street. In the 1950s she co-starred with John Wayne in a variety of films. She had steady work until 1971 when she took a hiatus that lasted 20 years. She was married 3 times. Her last husband, Charles F. Blair Jr., was the first pilot to make a solo flight across the Arctic Ocean and North Pole. Maureen is still living in the United States.

Otto the 2nd, 955 – 983, Holy Roman Emperor

Otto the Red is the son of Otto the Great, 912 – 973. When Otto the Red was 6, he was made joint ruler. 6 years later he was made co-emperor of the Holy Roman Empire by Pope John XIII. Otto the Red helped his father on military campaigns. He married Theophanu, niece of the Eastern Roman Emperor John I Tzimisces. Otto the Great died in 973 giving him the throne. His brief rein was packed with military and political intrigue but cut short. His son Otto III took over as a 3 year old.

Florence Nightingale, 1820 – 1910, Nurse and Social Reformer

Though mostly known for nursing she was also a statistician. William and Frances Nightingale named their daughters after the city where they were born. Florence was born in Florence, Italy and her sister, Parthenope, was born in Naples. The Nightingales chose the ancient Greek name for it. William educated his daughters himself. Florence was particularly brilliant in academics. He wanted them to be married off but Florence felt God calling her to do divine work and help people.

Nursing was viewed in a completely different light. It was not a science or well-established practice. Hospitals were equally as bad. Florence against her parents’ wishes went into Nursing. After years of training she became the superintendent of the Establishment for Gentlewomen.

Only a year later she answered a newspaper ad to treat English soldiers in the Crimean War. The situation was dire to say the least. She led the nurses and quickly established them as very proficient. They were angels of mercy. Florence received the nickname, Lady with the Lamp. Florence recorded everything her nurses did to save their patients. This includes statistical data on the survival rates pre and post, her arrival. In 1859, Notes on Nursing: What it is and What it is Not, was released. This gave her the credentials to create a new wave of health reform with what we consider to be commonsense today. She wrote over 200 books in her lifetime. She was sickly in her later years and passed away in her sleep at 90.

I first came across him through a movie. Spoiler alert, it’s not Blade Runner (starring Harry Ford). If you think it’s Total Recall (starring A. Schwarzenegger) or Total Recall (starring Jessy Biel) or Next (starring Nick Ca-age) you’re wrong. The year is 2006. The big movie coming out that summer was Transformers. I was looking forward to it for some reason I still don’t understand. Then saw the trailer and changed my mind. I had already started watching indie and art house movies by then and learned Richie Linklater had a film coming out with Keanu called A Scanner Darkly. Since I lived in central Delaware I assumed a small artsy movie like that would play there. Well, it didn’t. I rented it from Blockbuster ASAP and loved it. From there made the mistake of showing it to my friends that loved Transformers and no one liked it. PKD’s books came a few years later but the seed had been planted in my sub-consciousness.

Philip Kindred Dick was born December 16, 1928 in Chicago. He had a twin sister, Jane, but she died 41 days later unfortunately. His parents were Dorothy Kindred Dick and Joseph Edgar Dick. Joe’s job had them moving around and they ended up in San Francisco. Shortly after Joe was transferred to Reno, Nevada but Dorothy wanted to stay in California. They divorced. Dorothy won custody and raised Phil as a single mom. They moved to Washington D.C. Phil attended Quaker schools for a few years. They moved back to California in 1938.Two years later, when he was 12 he discovered a science fiction magazine called, “Stirring Science Stories.”

His high school years were spent at Berkeley High School with fellow legendary science fiction writer Ursula K. LeGuin. They didn’t know each other at the time however. Phil graduated and very shortly went to University of California Berkeley in 1948. He dropped out for medical reasons and married for the 1^st of 5 different times. His marriages were the following Jeanette Marlin 1948, Kleo Apostolides 1950 to 1959, Anne Williams Rubinstein 1959 to 1965, Nancy Hackett 1966 to 1972, and Leslie Busby 1973 to 1977. Also he has three children, Laura Archer, Isolde Freya, and Christopher Kenneth.

Kleo was heavily involved with liberal activism to the point, an FBI agent started stopping by and inspecting the young couple. They ended up being good friends with the FBI agent for the next few years.

He sold his first short story in 1951. Four years later he sold his first book, The Solar Lottery. He attempted to break into mainstream fiction. No one wanted any of it. Science fiction on the other hand fully embraced him and couldn’t get enough. In 1963 he won his only Hugo award for The Man in the High Castle. By this point he was done with mainstream fiction. He continued writing at the rate of a book or two published per year.

In the early 1970s, a woman delivered a package. It was analgesia for a dental procedure. She was wearing a Christian fish necklace. He opened the door and saw the fish or as he called it the, “vesicle Pisces.” This caused several months of visions that inspired the VALIS trilogy.

After an interview in 1982, he was hospitalized after having a series of strokes. March 2, 1982 life support was cut. He was the first science fiction writer published by the Library of America, a nonprofit publisher of American classics. His library colleagues include Theodore Roosevelt, Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, W.E.B. DuBois, and Willa Cather.

PKD’s drug habit and addiction is pretty well-known. During the 1960s his home became a haven for counterculture hippies and whatnot. Apparently his drugs of choice were amphetamines and speed. After years of using he sobered up and wrote A Scanner Darkly based on his last few years of drug use. In 1970, his 4^th wife, Nancy Hackett, left him. He was lonely in a four bedroom home so he had teenage and college age hippies hang out at his home and get high. There was a regular crew of people that are represented in A Scanner Darkly. His writing output slowed down post going sober but his ideas remained just as bizarre and insightful.

Overall his career wasn’t amazing. He was a successful writer that made a living off it but was never fully appreciated until after he died. Phil didn’t live to see Blade Runner, which came out three months after he died. He saw special effects tests and loved it. It was apparently exactly how he envisioned his book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? If you look at a lot of PKD’s short stories and novels, they follow a similar formula. A regular man is caught up in a crazy situation where there’s heavy drug use that manipulates reality or perception of reality where the governing body of some kind is corrupt in some way. In addition there are two other storylines that may or may not interact with the core storyline but the central idea is fascinating and engrossing. Also the main characters have crazy names for example; Eric Sweetscent, Herb Lackmore, Lars Powderdry, Elvira Funt, and Reese Verrick.

The first PKD book I read was The Zap Gun. It was the wrong book to start with. While it’s enjoyable it’s a deep cut for a reason. Shortly after that I read Now Wait for Last Year and The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. These hooked me for life.

Phil approached science fiction from a psychedelic, relatable and philosophical point-of-view. They manage to be very weird and out there yet feel grounded, real and human. PKD changed the scope of science fiction. There aren’t majestic chosen ones bound by fate. There aren’t giant space battles. There aren’t colossal space monsters. He wrote about mind-bending, reality-altering concepts that affect a person’s life and environment. The concept and themes fully engulf and consume everything in the pages. You see how it affects and morphs every aspect of that world. He plunged into your consciousness and challenged everything you knew and assumed to be real and tangible.

He tragically never got to see his work change the world. Let’s celebrate the life of Philip K. Dick, pick up one of his books and question your reality. You won’t regret it.

The Best:

Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, 1974

The VALIS trilogy, 1978-1982

The Man in the High Castle, 1963

Where to Start:

The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, 1964

Now Wait for Last Year, 1963

A Scanner Darkly, 1977

The Deep Cuts:

Counter-Clock World, 1965

The Zap Gun, 1965

The Crack in Space, 1963

The Solar Lottery, 1955

And this one comes with a heavy discretion advisory…

I first heard of her only a few years ago when I discovered a Syfy movie called The Lathe of Heaven. When I hear of a Syfy movie my mind jumps to something consisting of forgotten 90s cultural icons, horrific CGI, pointless story, and colossal animals but this was different. The plot was intriguing and actually sounded good then I looked it up and saw it was based on a book. In place of watch a Syfy movie I bought the book. Prior to this however I didn’t like science fiction at all. Star Wars and Star Trek never hooked me as a kid thus kid version of me assumed science fiction was lame and boring. This book completely changed my mind. I had no idea science fiction could be interesting, engaging, weird, and cool. I started reading more of her catalog and started reading more science fiction. The Lathe of Heaven is the perfect sci-fi/fantasy novel. It’s extremely accessible, thought provoking, dense, and endlessly engrossing. Needless to say, it’s one of my favorite books.

Ursula K. Le Guin was born in 1929 to an anthropologist father, Alfred L. Kroeber, and a writer, Theodora Kroeber. Ursula was the baby and had three older brothers. Despite growing up in the Great Depression her family wasn’t affected by it. She has said that her parents were very encouraging and wanted their children to pursue what they loved. Ursula attended Berkeley High School, 1943-1947, where she attended and graduated with another notable sci-fi writer, Philip K. Dick. However, they didn’t know each at the time.

She received a B.A. in Renaissance French and Italian Literature from Radcliffe College in 1951 and a M.A. from Columbia University a year later. She continued down that path studying in France, but met a young historian, Charles Le Guin while there. They married later that year and he continued to get a Ph.D. and she became a French teacher. They had three children Elizabeth, Caroline, and Theodore.

She always had an interest in writing. The first short story she tried to get published was rejected but she was also 11. She stopped submitting anything for publication for a while but continued refining her skill. In the 1950s she wrote 5 novels but each was rejected for being difficult and inaccessible. She kept on writing. In 1961 things changed. She finally was published in The Western Humanities Review. Then had three more stories showed up in Fantastic Stories of Imagination. That was only the beginning.

She is mostly famous for The Left Hand of Darkness (1969) and The Lathe of Heaven (1972) and for good reason. They are truly classics of science fiction/fantasy. The Lathe of Heaven is a study of the difference between dreams, reality, and how we perceive it. It’s written in a stripped down, simplistic way so that you don’t have to be a fan of science fiction to fully appreciate and completely understand it. A high school kid that doesn’t like reading could read this and it will make complete sense. It strikes a perfect balance being true blue science fiction/fantasy and also being very accessible. The Left Hand of Darkness is on the opposite side of spectrum. It’s hardcore sci-fi. It’s not that accessible but it’s still great. This is a testament to her skill as a writer. She can go between complex and simplistic without losing anything in between.

One of the most important things to bring up in reference to Ursula K. Le Guin is glaringly obvious. She’s a prominent woman in the world of science fiction/fantasy. This may not seem like that much of an accomplishment but she is one of few women to reach godly levels in this arena. She’s won several Nebula, Hugo, and Lotus SF awards among other awards. The only other woman that writes sci-fi/fantasy that reached this level I can think of off-hand is Octavia Butler, and that’s unfortunately about it. It’s refreshing to see this just for diversity’s sake. If it’s possible for her to be successful in this field then that makes it easier for more women to join her and Octavia Butler up in Mount Olympus.

The role of gender and its effects on society is a frequent theme and backbone of her stories. Specifically, The Left Hand of Darkness, tackled this. It’s the story of an emissary visiting a world where gender is irrelevant, the people can switch between male and female. This of course has many shockwaves in that society. This and everything else she wrote utilizes psychology, sociology, and environmentalism to analyze and dissect society through a sci-fi/fantasy lens.

Mrs. Le Guin is without an ounce of doubt one of the best writers of the 20^th century. Her mark on science fiction/fantasy changed it forever. She added a much needed new and interesting voice to a genre that’s still prominently white men. Even now, she’s still writing and putting out great, intriguing work. If you haven’t read anything by her, do yourself a favor and start with The Lathe of Heaven.

So the story centers around Claire Beauchamp Randall (Fraser) and begins just after WWII. She and her husband Frank Randall have spent the last 5 years of the war apart, and the story begins with Frank and Claire going on a second honeymoon in Scotland to try to reconnect. I love that it starts off with a healthy dose of the getting-to-know-you awkwardness. Frank worked in intelligence and so his whole life during the war was keeping secrets, while Claire was a infantry nurse, and you kind of see at the beginning how closed off she is. Even when they announce the end of the war she doesn’t join in the celebrations with the other people, she drinks alone, still covered in blood from her last patient. So it’s good to see them trying to deconstruct what the war has made them as individuals and build something new together as a unit.

Also they are pretty sexy.

So you have Claire and Frank trying to rebuild something, and getting to know each other again, and doing a splendid job of it when one day after witnessing what looks like a pagan rite, Claire touches a stone in a ring of standing stones, or henge if you prefer, and wakes up to find herself in the middle of a battle between English redcoats and Scottish Highlanders.

That’s the first shock…the second shock comes when she sees one of the redcoats is the spitting image of her husband Frank. And because Frank was such an avid ancestry hound, you realize this was his ancestor, the famous Black Jack Randall. Now, Frank Randall is a loving, calm, mild-mannered guy. Black Jack Randall is a monster who just happens to wear his face, and he wastes no time in assaulting Claire.

Less sexy, more terrifying.

Claire is saved by the highlanders, and taken in after she is able to fix one of the men’s dislocated shoulders. (Jamie) She’s taken back to Castle Leoch and  While at the castle (Clan MacKenzie) she’s grilled by the Laird (Colum Mackenzie) and his brother Dougal and suspected of being an english spy. the basic premise of the show is her trying to get back to the stones and back to her own time without getting herself killed in the meantime.

Part of this means protection. In those days, protection meant marriage. A husband, a clan. So Claire is married off to young Jamie, who we are supposed to believe is still a virgin despite looking like this.

#Iwatchitfortheplot

Through a bit of uncomfortable circumstance, the midseason point finds Claire this close to getting back to Frank, only to wind up in the none-too-gentle care of Black Jack, who flies his Psychopath flag loud and proud.

Tick tock, Clarice

Everything came together brilliantly. I read the books so I knew what was going to happen, but I was still on the edge of my seat saying “oh shit, oh shit!”

The biggest challenge for me, going forward, is to not SPOIL EVERYONE on how this season will end.

What did all of you think?

WE WELCOME SUBMISSIONS!!! Email rhymeswithnerdy@gmail.com if you have a book you would like to see reviewed. Our only guidelines is that the book either does not take itself seriously, or it takes itself way too seriously. Middle of the road is no fun for anyone. With that, I proudly submit our first offering, ‘The Marquess of Cake’.

Jessica:

Everything about this free Friday Barnes and Noble pick is horrifying. That photo makes me think he’s farting.

And “oh, this girl smells like sugar, i’ll totally use her to make an heir.. shit, i’m in love” is not the least bit appealing

Beth:

Going by this synopsis, he sounds like he should be diabetic…This should be a subcategory if it isn’t already.

Jessica:

I’m glancing at reviews, and apparently diabetes IS a subject in the book

Beth:

btw HATBROOK is a fantastic name. And by fantastic I mean unbelievable

Jessica:

He’s all “i can get an heir off her, cool.  Oh, her father was just knighted? SCORE”

Beth:

I won’t lie. I LOVE THAT TITLE

Jessica:

I hate the title Marquess. It’s misleading to me

Beth:

If I was going to be titled, I’d damn sure be the something of Cake.

Jessica:

It has 13 reviews on bn.com, 7 of them 5 stars. One of those starts out, “based on the cover, i thought this book was a comedy” but then they somehow proceeded to say how it was confusing at times but they loved the characters. And to them, that added up to 5 stars.

Beth:

Well and there was Cake…which seems to be a blatant attempt for the author to bribe the reader

Jessica:

Totally

Beth:

“read my book! there’s CAKE!”

Jessica:

And it’s not even clear that it’s a period piece AT ALL, but apparently it is? The last thing in the overview… “85,000 Words”…I’m not sure what to say to that… congrats? Why is that there?

Beth:

Wow I think I [my book] has more words that than that and it’s not even finished. Of course I have to spend a lot of time talking about the moment you pop a grape. Yeah, I don’t know either.

Jessica

Is it meant to sound like a lot, or is it a “hey, just read it okay? It’s short” How many people really know how many words translate out into page numbers, you know?

Beth:

I don’t know scrivener tells me. I think that’s roughly 300 pages

Jessica:

So it’s a good length. I don’t know why it’s synopsis worthy though

Beth:

Maybe they needed words to fill the synopsis

Jessica:

I don’t know, less might have been better. A simple sentence or two that said it was an unlikely love story between a baker and nobility would have been much more appealing.

Beth:

A case of mistaken identity

Jessica:

Exactly

Beth:

Sure it’s all very 12th night, pretty standard Romance Stuff

Jessica:

Instead, no matter how is actually written inside, the synopsis says “look at this asshole! Whoo, I get to be a princess!”

Beth:

Also says I LIKE CAKE AND GIRLS WHO SMELL LIKE CAKE!!! MAKE ME A CAKE BABY!!!

Jessica:

Insert picture of actual babies made of cake. The most horrifying thing they put on cakewrecks

Beth:

What is more horrifying…the baby cakes or the Birthing cakes?

I’m going to say the latter.

Jessica:

They’re both awful and in the same vein, and either fits this scenario. I mean it…You put the worst one you can find in there.

Done.