Here’s a quick catch up of the Johnson clan’s latest adventures; Zeb learned that Axl and his family are gods, Anders was irritating, Mike was really boring, Rob woke up from a coma and Gaia has a boyfriend now. For reference; Mike is Ullr, god of games and hunting, Anders is Bragi, god of poetry, Olaf is Baldr, god of light, Ty is Hoor, god of winter, Axl is Odin, allfather of the gods, Stacey is Fulla, Frigg’s handmaiden, Michele is Sjofn, goddess of love, Eva is Frigg, marriage goddess, Eva’s dad is Loki, the flimflammer, and Ingrid is Snotra, goddess of wisdom.

Episode 9, “Hunting Reindeer on Slippery Rocks,” starts with a montage of Michelle and Stacey prepping Eva for a special date. Anders is prepping his baby brother, Axl, for a special date. I wonder if these two totally different events are related. Axl and Eva have dinner at Dracula’s abandoned New Zealand home. It looks like a set from the Hannibal series. Their date starts out a little awkward. She complains about her dad being a prick, he’s basically Anders but the same, so naturally Axl decides to approach her dad for her without telling her. Her dad is a lawyer, a charming, trickster, Norse god lawyer. A Loki-like lawyer if you will. He scares Axl away, who scurries back to his grandpa/cousin, Olaf.

The brothers are curious about how Ty and Dawn have relations. It’s a little strange. Ty’s skin is cold all the time thus she assumes he has a health problem. So he sleeps and does other things in a winter coat. They can’t go for too long though because she’ll freeze to death. I wonder if this will return in anyway. Back to the main story, Loki visits his daughter, Eva, which upsets her. She assumes Axl made caused this. Axl tells her dad is a little bit of a sly trickster with a terrible soul patch. To spite him they get engaged. Gaia and Zeb are confused as they should be. Ty and Dawn are planning a tropical vacation but he loves the cold. How will they resolve this? They are still great and adorable. They get down to some sexy business. Afterwards she lays her finger on his neck as they fall asleep and nearly freezes to death. Ty discovers the horror in the morning.

Things get real boring here. Mike has to do boring Mike stuff. Loki gives him a marriage contract (a trick mayhaps) because of silly god stuff. Mike is skeptical. Olaf the oracle can’t read it, it’s in runes. He calls them ‘dancing trees.’ Olaf has to ask Ingrid but his brothers don’t trust her. She also thinks the runes are ‘dancing trees.’ Big problem who can read runes, Ingrid’s former boss, according to her it’s a perfectly, not suspicious at all, no tricks, safe ordinary marriage contract. It’s a bunch of traditional Norse god stuff. Ty is flipping out over Dawn. Zeb sneaks into Axl’s marriage contract signing. It’s a bunch of weird god stuff. Mike knows Zeb is there (then he gets nearly incinerated by the grill), the end.

Axl and Eva’s date. Hannibal was nice enough to let them use his home.

Episode 10, “Like Jesus, Only Cooler,” Gaia and Axl patiently wait to see Zeb. Ty walks by with flowers. He breaks up with Dawn after giving her flowers. You know the classic, not confusing thing everyone does when breaking up. Ty walks out in a very dramatic fashion. Gaia and Axl finally act on their vigorous, regressed passions. Axl has reservations about the wedding, what will he do? The gods and goddesses are getting ready for a wedding party but while Mike is prepping, Val drops a truth bomb. She’s pregnant with Rob’s baby, the twist that no one saw coming.

The party is a formal affair where even Olaf is dressed up. Ty is very intense and cold. It gets worse when Eva arrives. They see each other and something happens. There’s a special connection between them, this won’t come up later. Every time Axl tries to talk to Eva, something keeps getting in the way. Axl lifts Anders ban on sex and he instantly goes for Michele. Ty and Eva argue very passionately but something weird happens. All the food around her decays as if it’s dying. That’s weird, is it a sign, yep. The boss goddess is finally given a name…Freya, goddess of prosperity. Axl cancels the wedding but that contract had a twist if a Johnson bro doesn’t marry Eva, Mike will die. I don’t see the problem but they want to save Mike for some dumb reason.

Eva is not Frigg, she’s Hel, goddess of the underworld and death. She’s overjoyed. Now, she’s queen of the Goths. Loki knew this the whole time, typical Loki. Ty has furious sex with Eva. Gaia and Axl’s magic is fading unfortunately, she leaves with Jacob to sort things out. Val and Rob leave to start a new interesting life together. Zeb is back. Ty marries Eva because they’re the same; moody and cold. Olaf, Axl, and Mike keep searching for Frigg. Mike decides to use his powers finally and stop being lame. Anders meets with Freya. He tries to bang her but she reveals herself to be…his mother, the end…of season 1.

The Bros leaving Loki’s. Ty is the vampire in the middle.

I have a few thoughts on these episodes. By far the best episode so far was the finale. It was the type of crazy insanity I was hoping the whole show would have been. Tonally the last episodes felt like Big Trouble in Little China, where it started out relatively sane but things get exponentially crazier as it went along. The rest of the season however was like a rollercoaster with a couple of small, vaguely exciting hills every so often but not very often though. Mike finally wasn’t the blandest person on the planet. The big reveal of Eva being Hel wasn’t the shocking reveal they would be; given she’s a Goth, she’s a butcher, looks like Robert Smith, and wears exclusively black and fishnets.

Don’t get the wrong idea there were problems. The main thing that irks me is the mystery of who pays for Axl and Zeb’s rent is still unsolved however there’s a crack in the case. Zeb casually mentioned he flips burger all day but Axl is still a mystery. Axl’s behavior in these doesn’t fit a 21 year old. I get it’s about him growing up and accepting responsibility but he could of maybe gotten a job at same point to pay his fuckin rent. Who pays his rent? I just want to know who pays his bills. WHO?! This can be solved with just a line of dialogue, that’s all! At one point Ty was wearing a Jay Leno suit, denim on denim on denim. That being said, Ty and Dawn’s romance aka my favorite thing about the show was killed by the death goddess appropriately. It was clever but a little on the nose. There was too much Zeb. No one likes Zeb. He adds nothing. I don’t see the point of him. Axl’s flat should have been just him and Gaia, slowly falling for each other. There was too much story. Too much happened too fast. It felt like building up to this point, they suddenly remembered that they needed to wrap up the story with the last two episodes left and threw out too many ideas. That would explain the tortoise crawl of the first 4/5 of the season morphing into the rocket ship to Nicholas Ca-ageville.

Eva, Queen of the Goths.

It took me about 6 episodes to finally get into it. I liked it but it wasn’t great. That being said, it moved at a good pace. It never slogged too bad. My favorite characters were Dawn and the goddesses, specifically Eva. Where the brothers Johnson (don’t be gross) are stupid and petty. They don’t look like brothers at all. The goddesses, Michelle, Stacey, Freya (her human name wasn’t said), Eva, and Ingrid were actually cunning, smart and far more interesting than the dude bros ever were.

Anders being a douchebag can’t be stated enough, he’s a terrible person inside and out. I barely scratched the surface of him being a horrid, borderline sociopath. The overall story was dull and not fulfilling. It just dragged and felt empty. I never felt any dread or fear for the characters besides Ty and Dawn. There were spots of interesting stuff happening but it always veered back into stupid pretty quick. For example in the 9^th episode Zeb saw the contract ceremony from many feet away in the bushes but he knew exactly what was happening and saw every little detail. It made no sense and was never mentioned again. The acting was good enough except for Zeb. My final verdict on the series…I enjoyed it but won’t revisit it anytime soon.

Now, the real question, the most important question of all…Will I recap the rest of the series? I won’t say it’s a definite no. However, it’s not likely but maybe in the future. All seven of you loyal readers that actually read these, thank you.

Episode 7 aka “Bad Things Happen,” starts where the last left off. Axl and Mike are building a house. Axl is interning there and not making money thus furthering the mystery of who pays for his rent. Some dude steals Mike’s truck but who cares Mike is boring. Axl and Zeb are hanging out later then Gaia shows up with a handsome man. It’s her boyfriend, Jacob the Jeweler. Apparently they hooked up the weekend when Axl was busy with Thor’s daughter. Gaia and Jacob go spend a lover’s weekend together. Axl and Zeb decide to drink their feelings away for the weekend instead of find jobs to pay their rent.

Axl can’t get drunk so they break into Anders apartment. Axl uses his powers to rip off the front door. Zeb is suspicious. Mike and Valerie got in a fight over money stuff. He goes to a bar and gives in finally does something interesting, uses his powers to win money. His god power is winning at games. He plays darts a little too well. Seeing people play darts is extremely boring. They did a five minute montage of not exhilarating darts.

Axl and Zeb hang out and keep drinking at Anders place. Axl still can’t get drunk enough to forget about Gaia. Suddenly three very attractive ladies stop by. They’re looking for Anders. They noticed the door was broken and saw that as an invitation, the classic sign. Zeb tries to hook up. Axl is too sad. They party for a bit. One of them pulls out a white powder. It’s “like coke” apparently. Axl and Zeb without question snort lines. Mike moved from a bar to a casino and wins a bunch of money. He gets questioned for cheating and ends up getting the cute redhead blackjack dealer fired. They hang out for the rest of night. She wants to know his secret.

The blackjack dealer challenges him to numerous arcade games and he always wins, in another boring montage. Valerie calls he ignores it. The cute redhead dealer invites him back to her place he honorably declines. Back at Anders’ place, Zeb is partied out. Anders shows up, they party. The ladies reveal their plans. They were wronged by Anders and will neuter him. Anders snorted the “coke” which was horse tranquilizer; Anders is out. Axl is still sober and handcuffed to a chair. He breaks free and saves Anders. He declares that Anders will be celibate since he’s Odin. Zeb learns Axl’s secret. Mike learns that Rob woke up from his coma, the end.

Episode 8 aka “I Can Give You Frigg,” the goddesses are having a meeting. Ingrid is late, she had a surf lesson date with Olaf. They debate on what to do about this stupid scam thing that Anders started to find Frigg, it’s not worth getting into. Basically it will expose who is of Norse blood thus finding Frigg. Olaf, Anders, and Axl are hanging out, Anders shows off his plan. I have a feeling Frigg will be important to this episode. Mike is stressed about the Rob thing. After the coma, he married Rob’s fiancée, Valerie. Anders has a plan to make money off of Rob waking up. It’s vaguely defined. Basically Valerie and Rob will be hanging out a lot and maybe rekindle their romance.

Rob and Mike hang out at the bar where the coma happened. Rob is adjusting to new technology. They talk about boring Mike stuff. The goddess Stacey visits a butcher’s shop and is mystified by the clerk. It’s Frigg. Her name’s Eva, a goth singer-songwriter/butcher. Rob moves into Mike’s home so now Olaf needs to find a new home. He goes to Anders. Michele and Stacey go see Eva perform and she’s a special lady. She might be Frigg. They keep Eva a secret.

Mike, Valerie, and Rob watch home tapes from when Val and Rob were together. Mike leaves it’s weird. Stacey, Michele, and Ingrid quit and go solo. Michele offers Anders Frigg. Ingrid sees Eva and faints. She accidently reveals where Eva is. The boss goddess tries to find steal Eva away but fails. Anders and Axl go see Eva perform. It’s Frigg. The boss goddess goes to Eva’s estranged father, Loki aka a lawyer dude.

These episodes were boring. I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other. Mainly it’s because too much Mike. I don’t want to see his boring life anymore. I want to see Ty and Dawn’s romance grow and develop into true love. That being said, Ty and Dawn only show up once during these two. The goddesses are finally relevant to the story but too little too late the fun vacuum aka Mike is right there. I can’t put into words just how boring Mike is. I understand he’s the responsible one aka Dan McCoy aka Cyclops but at least make him interesting. I don’t care about his marriage problems. Valerie is just as boring as he is. I want her to cheat with Rob then at least something happen. The mystery of how Zeb and Axl pay for anything continues. I want answers, Who Pays Their Rent!? There still is no mention of a job or anything from them. I’m now realizing I want the show to be The Notebook or an Amanda Seyfried rom-com but replace Ryan Gosling with the Norse Winter god vampire named Ty and Rachel McAdams with the adorable and interesting Dawn. They’re the best part of the show easily. However, I can honestly say that I like this show. I never thought I would, anything is possible. It’s not great but it moves at a good pace and is interesting enough to keep my attention. I now have two episodes left of Season 1.

Next up the conclusion of season 1, “Hunting Reindeer on Slippery Rocks,” and “Every Good Quest Has a Sacrifice.”

(Dramatic music fades in, loud pulsing drumbeat, tuba and trombone join in, string section plays a sweet melody, Kenny G and Chuck Mangione trade playing leads, and piano solo by Paul Williams) Last time on the Almighty Johnsons; the mystery of how Axl and Zeb pay for their rent is still not addressed, Anders is a condescending creepy douchebag, Mike is still the Leonardo/Fun vacuum of the bunch, Olaf is a bad dad and rude dude, Ty and Dawn (Anders’ assistant) have a cute budding romance, and the goddesses, the most interesting part of the show, are slowly getting more screen time finally. In case you forgot who’s who; Axl is Odin, Mike is Ullr, Anders is Bragi, Olaf is Baldr, Ty is Hoor, Zeb is irritating and Gaia and Dawn are human (music fades out).

Episode 5, “This is Not Washing Powder, My Friend,” opens with Axl, Gaia, and Zeb cleaning their flat. It’s a cartoony mess like the whole floor is covered in clothes, food, trash, and other things to the point where it’s impossible to live there comfortably. Gaia’s dad is visiting. He’s a gay, vegetarian hippie. Zeb and Axl make gay and vegetarian jokes that aren’t necessary. The gay jokes aren’t outright homophobic but still it adds nothing. They clean up. Gaia goes to work because she’s the only one with a job. Axl has a doctor’s appointment with a Dr. Grey. Turns out it’s a setup by the goddesses, namely Michele who is also a doctor. Axl goes, there is no Dr. Grey. He leaves angry and throws away the letter from the hospital, stupid move. Axl and Zeb are at the drive thru and going through assorted change in Axl’s car. Zeb finds a bag of high quality cocaine. He decides for the both of them to sell it. They assume it’s Anders’ because that makes perfect sense. Spoiler Alert it isn’t. It was Michele’s plan to stop Axl from finding Frigg. Things escalated very quickly. Also Anders suggests going to churches to find his prize aka Frigg, which happens in the next episode.

Axl goes back home. Gaia is cooking a vegetarian meal which he has a problem with it because he’s an asshole. Gaia’s dad and Axl argue over stupid stuff that doesn’t matter. Police burst in, looking for the coke, they find weed instead and arrest Gaia’s dad. Axl tells them about the hospital visit but since he has no hospital letter they don’t believe him. Gaia’s angry. Mike doesn’t believe Axl about the drugs. Anders figures out the goddesses are behind this. He has a plan: get Ty to identify the goddess at the hospital and plant the drugs on her. Anders and Ty identify Michele immediately at the hospital. Zeb got screwed out of the coke by two young performance artists. Axl tracks down Zeb and raids the home of the young artsy dudes. He beheads a mannequin and takes the drugs. Axl and Zeb try to sneak into the hospital in a not sneaky way but Anders stops them. He plants the drugs on Michelle and flirts with her. She plays along with it. Oh yea, Gaia might leave the whole time but she doesn’t and Axl almost kinda tells her how he feels for her which keeps her there. He talks for her a lot in this one which got irritating fast and her character has barely developed into anything so far; end of Episode 5.

Episode 6, “Goddesses, Axl, Come in All Forms,” opens with an older woman outside a small farmhouse. She stares deeply and meaningfully into a beautiful night sky. A large man in the background holding a hammer (hint) tries to get her but a meteorite crashes through the night sky aimed straight for the woman. It’s a direct hit. Nothing is left. Olaf wakes in a sweat and tells his grandsons/cousins. Ty and Mike have lives to live and skip it. They arrive as two of the goddesses show up, Michele aka Sjofn, goddess of love, and Ingrid aka Snotra, goddess of wisdom. Finally they meet. Olaf and Ingrid instantly click with each other. Anders and Michele not really but he’s trying to bang her regardless. They spot the possible Frigg. The game is on. During the church service the possible Frigg cries during a eulogy, a sign of Frigg was a woman weeping. It’s a funeral for her grandmother. It’s a stretch to say it’s Frigg. Back in the city, Ty and Dawn are hanging out a bunch and she assumes he’s gay. Anders told her Ty is gay as a (not) funny joke because Anders is terrible. Ty asks Mike for women advice and Mike doesn’t have good advice of course.

At the funeral Olaf and Ingrid detect something off about this large man tenderizing chunks of meat. They suspect he’s Thor. Olaf and Ingrid approach and ask the dude. He proudly says yes. This isn’t good. Axl, Anders, and Michele are trying to woo the possible Frigg. Ingrid and Olaf pull them away and warn them that Thor is here. Thor is like Solomon Grundy or King Shark, a big dumb guy that’s insane. Everyone but Axl is scared. He’ll learn soon enough. Ty tells Dawn how he feels and she feels the same way. It’s really adorable. They have sex in Anders bed while he’s at the funeral. Mike is barely in this one. Back to Thor; Thor introduces himself to the gods and goddesses. He laughs a hardy, loud laugh when he learns that Axl is Odin then kneels before him. Axl proves himself by out throwing hammers with him and killing one of his goats. He has an ‘ugly’ daughter named Delphine, (she’s cute, they really rag on her for looking not like a model), who might be Frigg. Spoiler Alert she isn’t. Thor kicks out the other gods so that Axl can have his way with Delphine. Thor traps Axl there until he woos her. She’s pregnant and finds Axl ugly. She’s in love with another man, Ross aka the baby daddy. Delphine confronts her dad after Axl convinces her to. They leave. Thor punches Anders in the face. It’s great; end of Episode 6.

These episodes were my favorites so far for a few reasons. Mike is barely in them, so he isn’t sucking the fun out of everything. Side note, he’s the god of skiing and games and still the boring one somehow. Ty and Dawn flirting and hanging out is delightful and fun a la Mulder and Scully. Their chemistry for me really works. It feels authentic and real. Thor was pretty fun. Delphine is cute, they make it seem like she’s the ugliest creature to walk the earth but they’re wrong. I didn’t enjoy Axl with these he got a little too stupid and childish. He’s 21 not 12. His mentality felt like he’s in middle school. It’s grating after a while. My opinion stands however; I don’t know if I like this show but it’s very watchable. I want more of Michele, Thor, and the goddesses. Anders is a creep. Next up we have Episode 7, “Bad Things Happen,” and Episode 8, “I Can Give You Frigg.”

Following Axl’s special night with a cheerleader (It reminds me of the end of Lisa and the Devil but even creepier); Anders is pimping his brother. However Axl isn’t so into it. He met a cute girl, Sonja, at the library. She’s a nerdy librarian who claims to be Frigg. Also every woman there is checking out our hero like in an Axe commercial. Stacey, one of the goddesses, was getting Intel on Axl. She has a crush on our hero. He gets some advice from his cousin/grandfather. Olaf uses an analogy, where everyone is a zebra and Odin is god’s gift to zebras, thus women are into him. Ty bursts in with good news. He almost hooked up with a sexy lady named Helen. She’s different; when Ty is around her he feels warmth. He’s the winter god. He can’t feel anything but cold. She also makes special, magical apple martinis, this won’t come back. Olaf gleefully laughs like Santa Claus and tells them to go for their perspective ladies and calls Ty a reindeer. Oh yea, Olaf is Baldr now so he’s Axl’s son or something it’s weird and not explained.

The Johnson crew creepily lingers in the library analyzing this Sonja aka “Frigg” character. They almost get caught by Sonja then Axl asks her out…she says yes. Ty and Helen hang out again and finish what they started. Midway through he loses control and makes it snow. She isn’t freaked out. He has enough juice to keep going. Helen reveals herself to be Iounn, goddess of apples and youth. She makes everyone feel that special feeling around her. Ty tells Olaf his great news. It turns out that Helen is destined to be in a horrible relationship with Anders so they can never meet. Ty breaks up with her. Back to Axl, Sonja invites him to a god party. He needs to bring his magic sword. The party is for people that play a Norse mythology video game. He’s instantly disappointed but it turns out that one of the evil goddesses, the archer one aka Michele aka Sjofn goddess of love and mischief, is there. Axl finds her. Sjofn vs. Odin, Axl vs. Michele; they clash and destroy Sonja’s bedroom. The goddesses are determined to keep him from Frigg. New Zealand is their territory. Once the gods left the goddesses took over and ain’t giving up anything. It’s a draw and the Johnsons learn of their enemies, end of Episode 3, “God’s Gift to Zebras.”

Ty starts dating Dawn, Anders’ assistant. She hasn’t had much to do but now she’s relevant to the story. Anders is still pimping out Axl. It’s a little ridiculous that he hasn’t realized how much of a douche his brother is but soon he will finally see. Anders takes him to a big showbiz party where the big names in New Zealand are. These people include the local weather girl, an actor that starred in a few Disney movies, and the New Zealand Dr. Phil, Rosie. Axl doesn’t get laid this time but something happened between the Disney fellow and Dr. Rosie and it was filmed. Rosie wants the video destroyed but Anders sees dollar signs in exploiting her. He eases her down but secretly schemes. Ty and Dawn are on a cute little date. He’s encouraging her to quit because Anders is terrible. Whenever she tries to or is against something he uses his powers to charm her and keep her there. It’s really sinister and Ty is furious but keeps his cool. Dawn and Ty go collect a copy of the sex tape with a bunch of cash. The guy, Brian, shows up with the tape. His nametag says Brian, bad move buddy. You change out of clothes with your name when doing shady deals that’s common sense. Ty grabs the dumbass’s arm. He freezes it so much it burns. Dawn gets the tape. Anders learns that they’re dating and isn’t happy.

So Mike has a storyline in this one. He’s building a house and it’s not going well. It’s as boring as it sounds. Anders tries to ruin it later on and he does. Anders goes on a PR campaign to shame Rosie and Dawn angrily quits. In the meantime an old flame of Olaf’s by the name of Rhiannon visits. She’s pregnant and it’s Olaf’s baby. Mike tells Axl that there’s a routine for this situation, it’s old hat for them at this point. Olaf plans on leaving Rhiannon slowly, which is terrible. Axl is opposed to this. Olaf was once married to a mortal woman and it ended in disaster. Olaf looked the same and everyone grew old and died. Olaf leaves Rhiannon. Anders seduces Dawn back by sneaking into her flat and using his powers again. She isn’t shocked by him suddenly showing up out of nowhere. Mike hires Axl as an intern and won’t pay him, end of Episode 4, “You Gotta Love Life, Baby.”

I enjoyed these two episodes more than the previous two. The show has settled into a consistent tone, it manages the shifts between silly and serious better. I like that the goddesses are finally showing up and doing something. However, there is a problem that hasn’t been addressed. The only person in Axl’s flat with a job that we ever see is Shakira. She’s a nurse. Do nurses in New Zealand make that much money? Zeb the other guy is only seen partying. Axl just hangs out and tries to get laid. It’s never established if either of them has a job or not or even paying rent. Is Zeb a professional partier, if so how does that work out? Is he like a stripper but drinks and acts irritating instead of dancing in a sexual manner. I assume Mike pays Axl’s rent because he’s the responsible/boring/Cyclops one. Anders is too selfish. Ty is too cold and lonely. Olaf is too busy getting laid to care that much. I think I like this show now but not entirely sure. It’s watchable and moves quickly so there’s that. Next up, Episode 5, “This is Not Washing Powder, My Friend,” and Episode 6, “Goddesses, Axl, Come In All Forms.”