It’s no secret that I love African history (I have over 30 books specifically on it). I’ve already covered 2 African warrior queens, Amina and Ana Nzinga (you can find them in the Rhymes with Nerdy archives). This time, I’ll highlight a lesser known kingdom from central Africa…

The Kuba Kingdom

Starting sometime in the 16^th century several different peoples from just below of the Sahara, migrated south. They ultimately settled at the bottom edge of the Great Equatorial Forest and the start of the savanna in between the Kasia river – to the east, Sankuru – to the north, and Lulua – to the south, in modern day the Democratic Republic of the Congo. This large group consisted of 18 or 19 different ethnic peoples including – The Ngeende, Kel, Pyaang, Bulang, Bieng, Ilebo, Idiing, Kaam, Ngoombe Kayuweng, Shoowa, Bokila, Maluk, Bushong, Ngongo, and others. Upon their arrival, they came across the Twa. Another people, who were already settled there. Things were civil and the Twa assimilated into the already dense cultural melting pot.

The name, Kuba, originally came from a neighboring kingdom, the Luba. The Kuba referred to themselves as the Bakuba, which translates to, “People of the Throwing Knife.” They spoke Bakuba, a branch of the massive Bantu language tree, consisting of over 200 languages. The other major powers around them were the Kongo and Pende kingdoms, both of whom would prove to be very influential in the formation of the eventual Kuba kingdom.

Initially, they were just a loose confederation of separate villages that shared the same culture. There was no centralized government to speak of. They didn’t become a formally organized kingdom until roughly 1625. Shyaam a-Mbul a Ngoong-Shyaam, turned this cultural composite into a kingdom. It isn’t known where exactly he was from, but he was orphaned early on. A local Kuba queen adopted and raised him as a Bakuba. He left as an adult. Shyaam traveled to the nearby Kongo and Pende kingdoms, studying their cultures and political structures. Upon returning home, he revamped his homeland.

Some of the renovations he brought were: better iron forging techniques, new crops (cassava, maize, tobacco, beans), multi-branch centralized government, professional military and police, annual census, a complex economy, new tax policies, executive councils, trial by jury, merit-based ranking in government jobs, and bureaucracy. All of this was established without a written constitution.

A mesmerizing Kuba design.

The new kingdom was divided into 9 provinces – Kel, Bushong, Ngongo, Coofa, Pyang, Kete, Shoowa, Ngende, and Nsheng. These were in turn divided into smaller counties. The king, Nyim, was always ethnically Bushong and the capital was where the current king had grown up. Each ethnic group was in turn represented in the aristocratic courts. The queen mother was an essential role in the court. She represented the women on a federal level. The line of inheritance was through your mother NOT your father. That included who would be the next king.

The staple of the civilization was weaving, specifically raffia weaving. Raffia was essential for them to survive. Everything was woven from raffia, including the money. That was primarily because of the lack of local metals in the region. The Kuba designs are the most identifiable aspect of the their civilization. Their designs grew more and more complex as time went on. The Kuba design is perfectly symmetrical and asymmetrical at the same time in a beautiful, mesmerizing way. Once you see it, you can always identity it as Kuba in origin. The size and detail of the design on your house was an indicator of your rank in society. These designs were key in the development of Cubism. Picasso was a huge fan and collector of African and specifically Kuba art.

Wood craving and mask making were firmly in second place to weaving. They were equally as intricate and distinctive as the cloth designs. Art in general was highly appreciated and valued. The direction of art was heavily influenced by the Nyim. The most famous case of this was under Nyim Misha mi-Shyaang a-Mbul. He commissioned a new type of sculpture, the ndop. This was a large wooden sculpture of the Nyim. These were made to keep track of the past kings and honor the king. An ibol, personal symbol revealed at a Nyim’s coronation, was always at the forefront. Shyaam the Great’s ndop, prominently featured a mankala board. This represented his cunning, intelligence, and foresight, since mankala requires all 3 qualities. As the kingdom grew stronger, the uniquity of the art grew at a faster pace than rest of society.

Religion was a relatively lesser aspect of society. The creator god, Mfcoom/Bumba the Sky Father, created all and more or less left after that. The main deity worshiped was Woot. He was the first man created by Mfcoom. There were other gods but like Mfcoom, they weren’t that formally worshiped either. The Kuba saw the efforts of humanity more important and relevant than that of the supernatural. Everyone was buried with the items necessary for the afterlife. There was no heaven or hell. If you were good, you became a ghost and reincarnated at some point in the future. If you weren’t, you were stuck in limbo forever. The Nyim was the spiritual leader and head of the sorcerers. In addition, they are the head Ngesh, nature spirit, that bridged the divine with the human. Dogs were seen as messengers of the gods and given special treatment above other animals.

Primarily the regular diet consisted of fish, given the 3 rivers surrounding them. They regulated the fish population with man-made fish farms, that the women would harvest twice a year along with fishing in the rivers. Vegetables made up the other majority. Surrounded by fertile farmland, there was plenty of irrigation from the 3 rivers. Meat was only eaten during the dry season. During the rainy season, both men and women had to maintain the vegetable crops. Farming was much less intensive, the rest of the year.

As with the rest of their contemporaries, they were eventually discovered and colonized. They were one of the last left untouched by Western Europe. In 1892, William Sheppard, an African American Presbyterian missionary, writing about the exploitation of Africans under Belgium’s King Leopold II (That is a story for another day). Sheppard opened the door for the Germans to later colonize the region in 1907. The art regressed and morphed into a more European style but never completely lost its Kuba identity.

Sources

http://www.randafricanart.com/kuba_Ngady_aMwaash.html

http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/kuba/hd_kuba.htm

https://africa.uima.uiowa.edu/peoples/show/Kuba

http://econ.columbia.edu/files/econ/content/kuba_final.pdf

http://kwekudee-tripdownmemorylane.blogspot.com/2014/02/kuba-people-most-artistic-and-highly.html

http://kubaafricanart.weebly.com/background.html

http://cool.conservation-us.org/waac/wn/wn08/wn08-1/wn08-102.html

https://museum.gwu.edu/weaving-abstraction-kuba-textiles-and-woven-art-central-africa

http://www.zyama.com/kuba/

Every 4 years, the very best of the very best of the very best in the wide world of sports compete for the gold. Nearly every nation is represented in this titanic tournament. Last time I tackled the Olympics, I focused on the 100M Dash. I ‘m stretching my horizons into gymnastics with…

Olympic Special Vol. 2: Vera Caslavska and Agnes Keleti

VERA CASLAVSKA: 1960 – Rome, 1964 – Tokyo, 1968 – Mexico City

Vera in 1967.

Mid-way through World War II on May 3, 1942, Prague’s Caslavska family introduced a baby girl. They named her Vera. From an early age, it was clear that Vera was a natural athlete. Initially, she started in dance, followed by figure skating. At 15 however, she switched to gymnastics. Like with the previous 2 sports, she dominated. Part of this was her and part was her instructor, Eva Bosakova (1952 – Helsinki, 1956 – Melbourne, and 1960 – Rome). Bosakova was already a multiple medal holder in both the Olympics and World Championships.

After a year or so of training Vera competed alongside Bosakova in 1959 at the European Championship. She won her first (of many) gold medals in the balance beams but slipped up on the uneven bars leaving her in 8^th. The team won the silver medal. This success continued into the Olympics in Rome where she won the silver in the team category again. She continued to compete and exponentially became the top gymnast of her era. In the World and European Championships and the Olympics, she won numerous gold and silver medals. Things changed around the 1968 Olympics however.

January 5, 1968, Antonin Novotny was officially replaced by Alexander Dubcek as 1^st Secretary of the Communist Party of Czechoslovakia. Dubcek’s goal was to create, “Communism with a Human Face.” In turn, he introduced more Democratic leaning policies and expanding people’s freedoms like speech. The Soviets were not pleased so they invaded Czechoslovakia with 600,000 soldiers and help from other Warsaw Pact nations. Vera was in support of the new reforms and signed the protest manifesto, “Two Thousand Words,” by Ludvik Vaculik. All this happened a few months before the Mexico City Olympics that fall (seriously, the 1968 summer games were held in October that year).

Vera was in trouble so her fled to the mountains. Similarly to Rocky in Rocky IV, she trained using the natural world, but out of necessity not because of manliness. After 3 weeks, she got word that the Czech allowed her to participate in the Mexico City games again. It was during these games that she became the first and only Olympian to ever win a medal in every gymnastics event. In addition to this, she refused to observe the rising of the Czech and Soviet flags when she tied for the gold in the Floor Exercise with Larisa Petrik. Many took notice, including the Soviets.

Around this time, she married Josef Odlozil, a fellow Czech Olympian. Back home in Prague, things changed. The government was suspicious of Caslavska and barred her from federal jobs for her protests and politics.

She divorced Josef in 1987. 3 years later the Communists lost power and she finally publicly regarded as a hero of the people. Also wasn’t barred from federal jobs. They had several children. One of them, Martin, stabbed his father in a dance club in 1993. Josef died. Martin was sent to prison. Vera focused on keeping her family together after this tragic event. She still resides in Prague today and lives a private life.

AGNES KELTEI: 1948 – London, 1952 – Helsinki, 1956 – Melbourne

Hungry’s Agnes Keleti came from humble beginnings, she was born to a Jewish family on January 9, 1921. Like other future Olympians she was attracted to sports early on. A natural gymnast, she excelled at the VAC Jewish Sports Club quickly. Her father, Ferencs, wanted both his daughters involved in sports. He was a lifelong athlete. Her mother complimented their father’s push for athletics with academics. Thanks to her, Agnes was a great student, cellist, and singer.

At 16, she won her first national championship. By the end of her professional career, there were 9 more national championships. She was on her way to the Olympics but World War II broke out. Hunngry was left out of it for awhile until Germany invaded. Agnes managed to get papers under the guise of a Christian woman named Piroshka. She worked for a Nazi-sympathizing family as a maid for the rest of the war. Her father was taken to Auschwitz. Her mother and sister luckily escaped thanks to the Swedish diplomat, Raoul Wallenberg (he was responsible for saving thousands of Hungarian Jews). By the end of the war the only family left was her mother and sister.

Agnes doing a split at 91.

Reunited with her family, Agnes resumed where her career left off. She won more national titles over the next few years and nearly made it to the London Olympic. 2 days before they began, she injured herself but recovered in time to compete in European and World Championships. In the Helsinki games, she became the oldest female gymnast to win an Olympian medal at 31. She won 4 medals in total. That record was broken again at the Melbourne games with 6 more medals. At 35, she set the record (again) for oldest female gymnast to win an Olympic medal.

The Soviet Union invaded Hungry during the Melbourne games. Instead of return home, she and the other Hungarians remained down under. She received political asylum to reside in Israel, where she still lives. In 1959, she married Robert Biro, a fellow Hungarian Jew that escaped the Soviets. They have 2 sons, Rafael and Daniel. In Israel, she become a corner stone in the establishment of Israeli Gymnastics. She ended up teaching at Tel Aviv University for years.

Agnes is the second most accomplished Jewish Olympic athlete with 10 medals, right behind Mark Spitz’ 11.

Not only did these women set world records, they managed to thwart both Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union from destroying them mentally and physically. They are extraordinary women that need to be remembered and celebrated.

Sources

http://www.ighof.com/honorees/1998_Vera_Caslavska.php

https://www.olympic.org/vera-caslavska

http://brooklynquarterly.org/personal-protest-at-the-olympics/

http://thebiography.us/en/caslavska-vera

http://www.drmirkin.com/histories-and-mysteries/vera-caslavska-marriage-of-two-great-olympic-athletes.html

http://www.radio.cz/en/section/curraffrs/czechoslovak-sports-legend-vera-caslavska-celebrates-60th-birthday

http://web.archive.org/web/20040508164234/http://www.intlgymnast.com/events/2004/europeans/champions/caslavska.html

http://articles.latimes.com/1990-04-05/sports/sp-900_1_prague-spring

http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/prague-spring-begins-in-czechoslovakia

http://www.dhr.history.vt.edu/modules/eu/mod05_1968/evidence_detail_13.html 2,000 Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dykBBhaoczg

http://www.lib.umich.edu/soviet-invasion-czechoslovakia/pg1.html

http://www.gymn.ca/gymnasticgreats/wag/keleti.htm

http://esra-magazine.com/blog/post/agnes-keleti

http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/jewess-press/impact-women-history/agnes-keleti-the-foundation-stone-of-gymnastics-in-israel/2012/07/22/

http://www.ighof.com/honorees/2002_Agnes_Keleti.php

http://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/keleti-agnes

http://www.jewishsports.net/BioPages/AgnesKeleti(Klein).htm

When it comes to Greek history most people know about Aristotle, Homer, Alexander the Great (I know he was Macedonian but that’s a story for another day), and the Olympics. Arguably the most fascinating aspect of Greek history is the War of Independence. One of the integral figures in the fight was…

LASKARINA BOUBOULINA: Greek Goddess of the Sea, Revolution, and Spetses

Laskarina was born to Stavrianos and Paraskevo Pinotsis on May 11, 1771 on the Greek island of Hydra. The Greece she knew wasn’t the center of intelligentsia from the Classical period. It was a Greece under the boot of the Ottoman Empire since the 15^th century CE. By this point, things were changing. There were several attempts at revolt but they failed. The latest around Laskarina’s birth, the Orlof Revolution, involved her father Stavrianos.

He was arrested and thrown in prison for his part. Paraskevo visited him frequently. His health was failing but they had Laskarina towards the end of his life. Her father died in prison when she was still a baby. When Laskarina was 4, her mother remarried a Navy man, Capt. Dimitrios Lazarou-Orlof. This took them from their home island of Hydra to Spetses nearby.

She loved hearing stories about the sea and majestic tales of bravery on the mighty ocean. Not much is known about her childhood. At 17, she married Dimitrios Yiannouzas. He was a rich sea captain with his own fleet. They had 2 sons, Yiannis and Yeorgo Yiannouzas.

After a few years, Dimitrios was killed fighting pirates. Laskarina inherited his fortune and ships. She remarried in 1801. His name was also Dimitrios, Dimitrios Bouboulina. They had 5 kids together. He was also a rich sea captain with a fleet of ships that died fighting pirates. In 1811, Laskarina was widowed again. She inherited even more money and ships. Laskarina successfully and smartly invested which in turn made her and her family one of the wealthiest on Spetses.

Now, this brought the attention the Ottomans at her door. In 1816, they claimed that they had the right to seize her money, ships, and home because her second husband was fighting under the Russian flag during the Turko-Russo War. He was a traitor and enemy of the empire. This was true but Laskarina had a plan. She sought out the Philhellene Russian Ambassador in Constantinople. He liked her and understood her anger. Czar Alexander, gave her a house in the Crimean Black Sea region of Russia to stay in until the Ottomans gave up. At this time, she joined the Filiki Etaireia, a revolutionary Greek group that was scheming another rebellion. In English, Filiki Etaireia means, “The Friendly Society.”

After 3 months in Russia, she returned to the Spetses. Filled with the spirit of revolt, she bought arms, built warships, and raised a private army. She was an ally to the revolutionaries, and aided them with soldiers, ships, and money. The lead ship of the fleet, The Agamemnon, was built for her specifically. She would lead naval assaults on the Ottomans. Not only was she a beneficiary to the cause but also she trained as a soldier and made it the rank of Admiral.

The Ottomans became suspicious of all this odd behavior of guns, ships, and strange people around her. She paid off the Ottoman officials inquiring about this with a hefty bribe. They left her alone after their payday.

The Greek War of Independence broke out March 13, 1821. Her first major victory was at Nafplion. The Ottoman naval fort was armed with 300 cannons. The Greek naval siege didn’t work so they landed nearby at Mili. Laskarina organized her troops and led a land siege at the powerful fort. After a long and arduous battle, they took the near impenetrable fort. She also fought in the Battles of Monemvassia, Siege of Tripoli, and Haradros. Her son, Yiannis, was killed at Haradros.

As a reward for the victory of Nafplion, she was given a house, the Greek forces took. In 1825, she sold the house. Nafplion was rife with political unrest. The Greek war hero and important leader for the Greeks, General Theodoros Kolokotronis, was sent to prison at the time. She saw the writing on the wall and left for Spetses.

Turkish-Egyptian forces were on the war path to take back what the Ottomans had lost. Laskarina and his officers were working on war plans when they got word of this oncoming attack. The Koutsis, another rich family on Spetses, had a major problem with Laskarina. Her son, Yeorgo had eloped with a Koutsis. One of Koutsis shot Laskarina for what her son did. She died from the gunshot wound.

Laskarina Bouboulina was made an admiral in both the Russian and Greek Navies for service. She has been a national Greek hero since her untimely, petty death. Luckily, the Greeks with help from Russia and others won. Even though she didn’t do it alone, Laskarina Bouboulina was a major player in making the Greeks a freed people and establishing Greece as we know it today. She rose from the ashes into an icon of bravery, courage, and determination.

Sources

http://www.ahistoryofgreece.com/revolution.htm

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/greece/5989510/Greek-woman-sets-fire-to-Britons-genitals-Laskarina-Bouboulina-the-heroine.html

http://www.ahepad22.org/articles/bouboulina.pdf

http://www.greeka.com/saronic/spetses/spetses-history/spetses-bouboulina.htm

https://badassladiesofhistory.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/laskarina-bouboulina/

http://www.ahistoryofgreece.com/biography/bouboulina.htm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAkWU-XaxLE

http://neoskosmos.com/news/en/Laskarina-Bouboulina

HASEKURA TSUNENAGA: The Pope’s Favorite Samurai

The Samurai, legendary warriors that actually did a lot more than fight with katanas. They were more or less government employees that were highly trained in cultural customs as well as warfare. One such job was diplomat.

Statue of Tsunenaga

By the 1500s, The Japanese had some interaction with Europeans but it was minimal, some trade and whatnot. Hasekura Tsunenaga was the first official ambassador to Europe. Tsunenaga embarked on a journey to Europe and North America in 1613.

Tsunenaga was born in 1571. Aside from that not much is actually known about his life. He came from a family of samurai. Like his father, Hasekura Tsunenari, he was trained as a samurai. Eventually, Tsunenaga became a mid-level samurai and retainer under Date Masamune in the Sendai domain. Things both personally and professionally shook up Tsunenaga’s life in 1612.

His father, Tsunenari was indicted for corruption and had his fief seized by Masamune. Not only that but Tsunenaga was supposed to be executed. However, this didn’t happen. Masamune had a plan. He wanted to let Christian missionaries in his domain. The Emperor and other Shoguns were decidedly against having any Western influence. They were trying to outlaw Christians from entering Japan. So, Masamune went rogue and defied them. He wanted to send an ambassador to meet with King Felipe III of Spain and Pope Paul V to organize a massive influx of Christian missionaries to convert Sendai (and possibly Japan), and to establish trade with Europe via the Spanish.

Tsunenaga was seen as a great pick for this mission. He was a veteran of the Korean invasion in 1597 under Toyotomi Hideyoshi, a

Tsunenaga Post Baptism

nd had years of experience sailing. Also, he didn’t want to die. Regardless of the outcome, the Hasekura estate would be restored and Tsunenaga would live.

On September 15, 1613 Tsunenaga left aboard the San Juan Bautista or as the Japanese called it the Date Maru, a Spanish Galleon built in Japan. It took 800 shipwrights, 700 smiths, 3000 carpenters, and 45 days to complete. The crew was 180, a mix of Spanish, Portuguese, and mostly Japanese, in total.

First stop, New Spain aka Mexico. They arrived in 1614. Meanwhile in Japan, the shoguns and Emperor were cracking down on Jesuits. They’d been hanging around since 1549. The Japanese leaders had had enough and outlawed any Christian missionaries from entering Japan. Effectively, cutting off their trade relationships with the Portuguese and Dutch. The Jesuits present were forced to leave. This was the start of cutting ties with the West.

The Date Maru landed in Acapulco, New Spain. Shortly after they met with the local Spanish viceroy. It went well though there isn’t much information on what exactly was discussed. They stayed for a bit. The Date Maru left with a fleet of Spanish escorts but a tropical storm forced them to stay hunker down in Cuba until it passed.

On October 5, 1614, the fleet reached Sanlucar de Barra, Spain. Evidently, they loved Spain and stayed there for 8 months. The meeting with King Felipe III went swimmingly. To cement the deal to trade goods with Spain, Tsunenaga was baptized a Catholic by the Archbishop of Toledo. His godfather was the Duke of Lerna. Tsunenaga’s Christian name was Don Filippo Francisco Hasekura-Rokuemon. King Felipe and Tsunenaga bro-ed out for a while then he had to leave to meet the Pope. Before reaching Rome, they stopped in France and Italy shortly. Apparently, it wasn’t as fun Spain.

After taking in the Mediterranean coast, they finally met the pope. Just like with Felipe III, Pope Paul V loved him and agreed to send missionaries to Japan. The Pope loved him so much that Tsunenaga is made an honorary Roman and nobleman. Thus making him, the pope’s and the Vatican’s favorite samurai.

They returned to Spain ASAP. However, Felipe III had bad news. He found out that the emperor and shoguns outlawed Christian missionaries from entering Japan. The deal was off but they stayed in Spain for as long as they wanted. They hung out in Spain for a bit and eventually left.

The Date Maru left in July 1616. Once it landed in New Spain, a few samurai ran away. They didn’t stay quite as long before but still took their time to get back. Next stop, the Philippines for 2 more years. Then they finally return to Sendai with the news in 1620. So, this mission was a giant waste of time and money but Tsunenaga had a great 7-year vacation.

Tsunenaga died in 1622 from illness. His grave is unknown and 3 different graves are allegedly his.

Most of his life unknown except for this brief 7 years, where a local governor sent him on a mission to undermine the national government’s official policies. It failed completely but if you got a free ticket to Europe on “official” business wouldn’t you take your time too. This was almost completely forgotten by for 250 years, until the Japanese opened up their borders again to Westerners.

Sources

http://civitavecchia.co.uk/hasekura.html

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/culture/2014/03/12/arts/hasekura-tsunenagas-portrait-has-a-tale-to-tell/#.Vqd_kiorLIU

http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Hasekura_Tsunenaga

http://www.urasenke.or.jp/texte/world/e_mexico03/e_mexico03.html

http://www.idtg.org/archive/1164-hasekura-tsunenaga/

http://www.artsales.com/ARTistory/Xavier/Hasekura.html

http://www.city.sendai.jp/kyouiku/museum/syuuzou/hasekura/index.html

Episode 4, Raising Hell. Sounds like it will be full of action. And look at this screenshot Hulu is using for the episode. FIERCE.

If you remember, we left off with Simon drooling over Clary’s throbbing neck pulse. Doesn’t that sound hot? This one starts with Clary dreaming of losing her memories I guess, though she’s rolling around like she’s doing interpretative dance in her bed. When she wakes with a start, she sees Jace sitting with her. Except it’s actually Simon. Awesome. I’m glad we’re starting with the love triangle nonsense right off the bat.

Does this look like a freshly cleaned cut to you?

Simon has been in the infirmary of the Institute, except from the looks of things, they don’t even know how to clean a simple cut. Clary tells him again how he’s all she has left, and Jace is conveniently hovering outside her door listening. Always a sign of a worthy romance. You have two amazing options here Clary.

We go over whether Jace is trustworthy again.  Clary rambles on in contradictory statements for a while. “I need to know who I really am. I want to put all of this behind me. Maybe I’ll remember where my mom hid the cup. I’m so lost.”  You said it sister. But it’s true, her mom is missing because of this lost cup, so we might as well try to find it.

“Start with what we know. We know that dreams are remnants of memories.” Do we? I mean, sure, lots of them do pull from real life, but I’m fairly certain my reoccurring nightmare about the vampires, werewolves, and mummies taking over the world was not pulling from anything my 6 year old brain had encountered. Regardless, they remember that Magnus Bane took her memories, and suddenly they have their “first real lead.”  We’ll just disregard the fact that they figured this out already in the last episode, and again in the one before that.

Simon is hallucinating blood on his lip and Camille walking up behind him, and his first thought is, “I’ve got to get out of here.” I’m not really sure how that’s the Institute’s fault, but if you want to run around unprotected where vampires can actually get to you, have at it Simon. You’re annoying anyway.

After the title sequence, we come back to Clary walking into Jace’s bedroom unannounced while he’s punching some workout thing. He doesn’t have a shirt on, and so we can see that he has a lot of muscles and no hair, which is no surprise. I think I would die of shock if they had a normal looking human male shirtless on one of these shows. This also means we get to see all of his runes.

Clary is so embarrassed, which I don’t get at all. He helpfully puts a shirt on for her so she can turn back around and actually look at him. I KNOW.  That can’t have been the first time. Though I guess if you have a 17 year old teenage crush, everything embarrasses you. What I find more interesting is the proposed architectural layout of this abandoned church. Jace’s room has glass panel walls, and through them you can see stonework and one of the cusped windows with some stained glass visible. This is actually a fairly common historic preservation approach to very old buildings/dig sites where you don’t want to restore something so much as reuse it while remembering its past. For example, here’s a picture I took while in a subway station in Athens.

You can see the archaeology there, the yellowish bits. It’s all behind glass walls very similar to Jace’s room. I think this is pretty cool set design. It serves the show in that the outside of the building is meant to look abandoned, and so the actual wall is left as is, while also demonstrating real life historic reuse techniques.

I also did some digging and discovered the outside shots of the Institute are actually the Metropolitan United Church of Toronto, a lovely Gothic church that’s still fully in use today. So I guess if you’re super romantic about this show, you could go get married there or something.

I can’t find any evidence that the window in the shot above (with Jace) exists in this church though. However, I did find a full shot of it being built, thanks to shadowhunterstv.com. I’ve never seen a design exactly like this, but you can tell that it takes many elements from traditional Gothic windows.

Okay, back to the show. Sorry, I actually got interested in something there for a minute.

Jace and Clary have a back and forth about trusting Simon (sound familiar yet?whether Clary’s memories will be useful, whether she’s worth the people risking their lives for her. Typical teenage drama stuff.  Isabelle barges in to tell them the “mundie” is leaving. She has a weird braid across the back of her head, layered over only about 3 inches of space before disappearing again under her hair. Someone must have decided it looked dumb, because a second later, in the same scene, it’s gone.

Simon has decided they’re not safe there, where all the superhero powered people and weapons are, the ones that just kept him from being eaten by a vampire. He actupally calls Jace “Captain America” like it’s an insult, and I guess if Jace were a goody goody it might be. Otherwise Captain America is pretty cool. He also challenges Jace with the ever mature, “Come at me bro!” Seriously Simon. Get it together. He decides he can protect his family, and Clary, and himself, even though he’s demonstrated all of that is untrue. So he leaves, and Clary stays.

The whole Rescue Ranger team has gather around a table in front of one of those massive screens that haven’t been super helpful thus far. They’re just using it to look at pictures of Magnus Bane throughout his 300+ years, a la Doctor Who. Hodge is flicking his finger upwards over the tablet controlling the tv in the dumbest way possible. They can’t even make technology we actually have look normal and cool. Clary refers to him as the “Downworld’s David Guetta,” and after a quick GIS, I’m just confused. [not surprised, he’s a musician – B.]

There’s more stupid rune burning from Hodge, and more terrible technology use from Isabelle, but they decide to lure Magnus out of hiding from Valentine by attending a rave. Apparently it’s a big deal. Their bait is a necklace that alerts its wearing to the presence of demons; he had given it to his lover at the time, Camille. Yeah, that Camille. They’re all super impressed with it, but I think it looks super fake and ugly. That might be my lack of class coming out, I don’t know.

Speaking of Valentine, he’s back after being absent all of episode 3.  There are mostly invisible people in his lair, except for their eyes which are strangely obvious. He has the guy that Dot stabbed with a needle in episode 2 blow some kind of green smoke on the Clave scouts that are hiding there, which somehow kills both them and the guy who did it. I don’t understand, but apparently there was some kind of mutation from whatever was in that syringe. Valentine stabs him with the light sword anyway. I don’t know what’s going on. I did notice that he also has that burned circle rune on his neck though, which seems weird considering everyone thought he died in a house fire and the revolt fell apart. I must either be mis-remembering something from the book, or the show is making stuff up again. He tells the other lackey, “Gather the dead Seelies. Their blood could be interesting.”  We start to get a weird idea of what those unseen creatures in cages and the various syringes were for from earlier episodes.

The other real adult in the show, Luke, also comes back for this one. His partner seems to know who/what he is, and is warning him that his captain is keeping a closer eye on him now that those two witnesses are dead. “Get your act together Luke. Our people need you to keep your shield.”  “If you want me to get the Cup so badly, I need to get Clary alone.”  They’re really painting him as a shifty character here.

Isabelle decides to dress Clary for the party, no surprise there. She gives her a very tight, small black dress, also no surprise. I’m actually more surprised that the first thing she picked up was pink and sparkly and full of tulle.  “You’re so lucky to have such a flat chest. I can never wear that without a bra.” Jace walks in and does some obvious up and down staring, but then they act all embarrassed to be around each other after Isabelle makes an excuse to leave. He gives Clary a “seraph dagger”, which is a smaller light sword.

Elias, a warlock with little forehead horns, doesn’t want Magnus to leave their hideout because it’s too dangerous. Magnus is pretty sure he’s super badass though, and just tells them to all maintain the protective wards until he gets back.

Isabelle finds Alec going over his arrows. He has not dressed for this party. She’s pretty annoyed that he’s not excited about it. As usual, Alec is mad they’re helping Clary, because she’s Valentine’s daughter and everything surrounding her is crap. He’s not wrong. She’s been a cannonball of chaos since she showed up. Ranting cheered him up a little bit though. She warns him to stop bottling things up before he explodes.

Simon gets home, closes all of his blinds because of the vampire thing, and falls into bed just as Maureen storms into his room. Was she just hanging out there waiting for him? He missed rehearsal last night and didn’t call her. He has an excuse about schoolwork, but of course his mom comes in and moms things up. “If you’re going to be out with Clary all night, one of you has to have a phone.” Hahaha, whoops. Maureen’s really only worried that he might be dating Clary, but he admits they’re not. She tells him she’d like to date him, gets flustered, bumps into a picture breaking the glass, and things get weird. There’s a drop of blood on the glass where she cut her finger, and she leaves angry because he’s just staring at it and not answering her. Can you guess what happens next? Yeah, he tasted it.

Apparently they’re back at the club where Jace stole the flying motorcycle; he said that was “vampire night.” There’s stupid banter and sex jokes about Isabelle admiring men’s jewels in reference to the necklace. Inside, people are dancing in a way that does not entice me to ever attend a rave myself.  They’re saying his name awfully loud for a group of people that claim to care whether or not Valentine shows up. Magnus checks that the necklace is authentic, and reads an inscription on the back that they actually showed us wasn’t there. I don’t think anyone proofs this show at all.

Magnus fed Clary’s memories to a “memory demon” so Valentine couldn’t torture the location of the cup out of him. Clary finds out that Dot is dead, and her acting skills are pushed a little too far. But then Magnus does some cool magic to open a portal to his hideout and so I was distracted from her. She refuses to go with him, but then Alec kills someone approaching them with a knife. Magnus does a double take when he sees Alec, which is adorable, but then runs through the portal to escape Valentine’s men.

Clary manages to keep a ring from his finger where she was grasping his hand as he left. She has a bit of a temper tantrum outside, but Jace can use it to track Magnus. Except “the signal isn’t strong enough,” so they have to do “parabatai tracking.” Clary says, “This whole parabatai thing seems oddly intimate if you ask me,” which is funny, because they’re making googly eyes at each other while holding hands. They keep holding and then not holding weapons, and I’m not sure where they’re being stashed from moment to moment…

They get into Magnus’ lair, but it’s already been infiltrated. He’s fighting a shadowhunter who mentions killing Elias and getting his warlock mark. They’re glossing over this a bit, but warlocks always having a distinguishing feature that shows they’re not human. For Elias, it was the horns. Magnus has yellow cat eyes. Alec helps him kill the shadowhunter, which allows them to formally meet and stutter at each other while grinning stupidly. It’s nice to see Alec smile.

Magnus and Clary talk, and he says something about her and her mother helping people from their hearts instead of duty. He’s saying shadowhunters are stuck up assholes. He does some fancy magic that moves the entire lair. Magnus is a little over the top, but his magic is pretty cool.

Simon is trying to call Clary but she’s obviously not answering. He leaves her a message about how he’s sorry and how he hasn’t been feeling right since leaving the vampires. It’s too bad he didn’t say something when he was still with people who could actually help him. “It’s probably just the flu.”  Oh. Keep being dumb Simon.

Back to Magnus. He gives the necklace to Isabelle in thanks for their help defeating Valentine’s men, and takes the opportunity to ask her what Alec likes as gifts. Clary doesn’t have time for this flirting and wants to summon the demon now. Like, right now.

The Best

Magnus warns Clary to trust no one, not even the Clave. That includes him. He gives her a plastic sounding leather holder of colored chalks, because in order to summon the demon she has to draw a fancy pentagram on the floor. He offers his help, but she actually smirks and says, “I got this.” That really annoyed me for some reason.

Jace has to give her a rune because the Memory Demon is a Great Demon. “The rune will be far more powerful than anything you’ve faced so far.” I don’t know what this rune is for, they never bother to tell us. She does scream like a horror movie while he puts it on though.

I have a really hard time believing that she drew that freehand and little enough time has passed that she doesn’t look a bit disheveled. Then again, she wakes up with unsmudged mascara and is supposed to be a magic artist, so maybe I should just go with it.  Magnus compares her to Michelangelo, and mentions he was great in bed while looking pointedly at Alec. Alec is still pretending to not understand what’s happening.

They’re supposed to take their rightful place on the pentagram, but Clary is confused and needs help. Apparently the star point 3 inches from her feet was too hard to find. They’re told they can’t let go of each other’s hands no matter what, which means you know someone will. They also make it super dramatic when they each link up. Or at least, it’s supposed to be, and Isabelle even laughs at them for it, but it’s really unimpressive. Magnus knows that the demon will expect payment, but says he doesn’t know what it will be.

Isabelle seems freaked out that her necklace is pulsing. The one that is supposed to warn her when demons are near. When she’s summoning a demon. As flippant as she is, and as obvious as the necklace lighting up should be, she should have said, “Oh look, it works!” But I guess we’re supposed to be buckling down for the drama now.

For payment, they have to give up a memory of whoever they love the most. Isabelle gives Alec, Clary gives her mother, and then Alec gives Jace. Jace looks confused, and Alec freaks out. They’re parabatai, this shouldn’t be that weird. But Alec makes it weird, and Isabelle tries to reassure him, but he’s really super not ready to come out. Instead, he breaks the circle and the demon gets free. Magnus is trying to contain him, but it grabs Jace. Alec and Isabelle try to pull him free, but they’re failing. Her options are let the demon take Jace, or kill the demon and lose her memories forever. The moment she stabs it is when we get that image of her being fierce that I first posted, though it loses a little of its effect when she’s wobbling on four inch heels and keeping her knees together because her dress is uncomfortably short. Hopefully for her own grace, they’ll let her fight in her own clothes next time.

Clary: Is he going to be alright?
Magnus: I don’t know. Does he normally just lay like that without moving?

She gives him a really dirty look, but considering I have zero emotional attachment to these characters, I found it funny.  They keep telling him to get up until he wakes up.

Magnus: There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Alec.
Alec: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Magnus: You will.

After what looks like a shower and a change of clothes, which is oddly a zip up hoodie that isn’t fully zipped and no shirt underneath, Jace checks on Clary. He compliments himself by telling her she must have had a great sword teacher. When he leaves, she starts trying to call Simon, but now he’s not answering because he’s outside the Hotel DuMort, aka Camille’s lair. She decides to get ready for bed, and stops to touch her ridiculously huge rock necklace. When it glows and shows her her mother, Valentine is leaning over her, and says, “Nice to see you Clary. You want your mother? GIVE ME THE CUP.” She throws the necklace on the bed with the weakest arm I’ve ever seen. And that flippant gesture is our dramatic ending.

AMINA OF ZARIA: African Warrior Queen Extraordinaire

Amina Even Has A Stamp!

Africa has a deep and rich history going from the Pharaohs of Egypt to the golden coast of the Asasnte to the Dahomey Amazons. One of the greatest aspects of this continent’s legacy is the queen, or more specifically, the warrior queen. There were several but most are overlooked. One of those is Amina.

First, there are a few things that need to be addressed. 1) She was a real person but there isn’t that much detailed information on her. 2) Some argue that she never existed but that isn’t true. She was a real person. She really ruled over the Zazzau city-state in the 16^th and 17^th centuries. 3) She ruled over Zazzau, currently that region of Nigeria is called Zaria in the Kaduna state.

Map of Modern Nigeria, Kaduna is in pink.

Before the era of Amina, the Songhai Empire dominated West Africa. They collapsed after 2 centuries. The remains of the Songhai in modern day Nigeria were split up into the 7 city-states – Zazzau, Katsina, Kano, Gobir, Rano, Biram, and Daura. These are now known as the Hausa Kingdoms, after the Hausa people from that region. The kingdoms were active in trade with the Arabs and other African states. If you were trading goods through Africa, you had to trade with one of the kingdoms. Amina was born into the formidable family controlling this city-state. Her exact birthdate is unknown. Her grandfather, Zazzau Nohir, was Sarkin (king) when she was born. Not much is known about her early life. She had a brother and probably other siblings. Just like other powerful royal women everywhere else, she was allowed to be educated. She was even allowed to join the military.

Nohir passed in 1549. Amina was 16. Her mother Bakwa, became queen regent, making Amina Magajiya (heir apparent) after her brother’s reign. She was given formal responsibilities in running Zazzau by her mother. These included, a daily meeting with a council on city activities, and a ward position within the court. In addition, she joined the military. She specialized in the Calvary. While her mom was queen, there weren’t many opportunities for her to excel in the Army. Despite that, Amina became one of the top warriors to contend with. She proved to be a smart tactician, expert equestrian, and mastered every weapon.

Her mother ruled for 17 years. Bakwa died in 1566. Her brother, Karama, took over as Sarkin. Amina was next in line. Karama unlike his mother, liked war. This gave his sister a chance to prove herself as a warrior and leader. Over the 10 years, she expanded territory for her brother and continued her role as ward in Zazzau. In 1576, Karama died. This was Amina’s time to shine. She still led troops in battle and was frequently on campaign. The Zazzau territory reached the Atlantic coast under her reign. Even though, she frequently fought, defense was on high priority. Massive walls that are still around were built her encampments. Many of which are still standing in major cities across Nigeria.

Amina with a Sword.

Her sex life is legendary. She never married nor had any children. After battles though, she’d take a temporary husband from the opposing force. They would spend a night together. The next day, he would be killed. Amina didn’t want rumors and stories of her sexual exploits to be spread. It would ruin her hold on Zazzau. So she made sure that never happened.

While on campaign in 1610, her army was staying in Altagara. She just died suddenly, after 34 years as queen regent. Her life and adventures inspired the series, Xena: Warrior Princess.

I’d like to reiterate; she was an actual person that lived on Earth. The main claim for the opposite is that this society wouldn’t have allowed a woman to be regent in charge. There are plenty of examples from around the world of a woman ruling a country where it was unheard of (read the TSI’s on Czarevna Sophia, Ana Nzinga, Margrete I for examples). It’s just blatant sexism to make that claim. There isn’t much on her but that doesn’t mean she never existed either. The legends and stories about her are a testament to her huge impact on the Hausa and Nigeria.

Amina earned her spot in history but not many seem to care. She defied expectations and took it to another level. The world followed suit.

References:

http://www.blackhistoryheroes.com/2013/07/queen-amina-of-zaira-west-african.html

http://afrolegends.com/2014/01/17/queen-amina-of-zazzau-the-great-hausa-warrior-ruler-born-to-rule/

http://www.historyandwomen.com/2010/08/amina-of-zaria.html

http://womenshistory.about.com/od/medrenqueens/p/amina.htm

http://www.wisemuslimwomen.org/muslimwomen/bio/queen_amina_of_zaria/

http://www.nairaland.com/2382816/great-hausa-queen-amina-zazzau

http://www.distinguishedwomen.com/biographies/zazzua.html

http://historyofafricaotherwise.blogspot.com/2014/06/nigeria-amina-of-zaria-mint-religious.html

http://www.blackpast.org/gah/hausa-city-states

In this episode, we start with the Rescue Rangers regrouping at the Institute after Simon has been kidnapped by some vampires. Clary is somehow managing to act in charge while also clueless. She pulls out her teen snark, which is sadly some of her most authentic acting; even that is strained.

Clary: I still don’t understand. How can Shadowhunters be better than […] mundanes?
Isabelle: Because we protect humans.
Clary: You’re right. Humans.

Clary has so much attitude. Hello! Simon is human! Maybe get your head out of your asses and do your damn jobs. Alec of course is standing around like he’s trying to put up with a room full of screaming toddlers and he’s the only mature 12 year old in sight. Jace looks constipated, quickly becoming what I consider his standard look, and Isabelle is trying, but I really think her costumer hates her.

Though, I’m not sure what is up with Alec’s jacket either. Are those plastic buckles for attaching things? A diaper bag maybe?

Clary: Why do they think that? Why does anyone think that? What, my mom lies to me my entire life except, “Oh, by the way, there’s this magic cup I hid on, like, the planet Bongo, but don’t tell anyone.”

There’s that snark I mentioned. It’s almost funny even.

Clary: Listen… when you saved my life… I put my trust in you. And now I need you to put your trust in me. I can’t turn into what you are overnight. [which part of that are we supposed to trust? you make no sense lady!]
Isabelle: It’s true. She was raised as a mundane. [stating the obvious there.. super helpful, thanks.]
Alec: What are you, her spokesman now? [Alec, what is your problem dude.]
Clary: I don’t need a spokesman, I need a plan.

And then she storms off while the rest of them are looking like they were just called out for acting like big bad superheroes when really they’re just sulky teenagers who like to sneak out and can’t even protect a single human without bickering and losing him. Duh guys! Trust her! She’s new and terrible at this! She’ll fix it!

Meanwhile, Simon is screaming through a bronze door with a cross shaped window cut into it. He’s saying every cliche thing you can imagine a nerd would say about how he’s not worth it, he’s nobody, he didn’t even see you, surely you can let him go. It’s terrible. And then a vampire shows up and the show makes you think Simon is getting eaten.

Clary: Look at all this stuff, these screens. I mean, can any of this help me find Simon?

Or, I don’t know, the 20 people standing around that none of you will even visually acknowledge much less ask for help. The other three spend some time joking about how Isabelle likes to make out with fairies. Suddenly, they need permission to leave, and permission to have weapons, even though they’ve been running around willy nilly in the weapons shelf since the show started. But it’s okay, Jace has a plan for getting them that is apparently easier than continuing to pretend the other people in the building don’t exist.

Simon is with the vampire in a room full antiquities. He bumps into a marble statue that bongs like a bell. Simon is a hostage, and the vampires can’t sell her their old stuff because they can’t explain where it came from. Their leader is a lady with absurdly long nails who walks like her hips are attached by rubber bands and impossible to keep in line. All of it is ridiculous.

The Rescue Rangers are digging up the grave of a dead Shadowhunter, because apparently they’re buried with a stash of weapons. Alec continues to try to convince Jace this is a bad idea. They attempt a joke when Jace says “Abracadbra” before opening the above ground tomb, basically the only one you can see in the graveyard, and Clary thinks that it’s something they actually say for their “magic”.  Alec can only use a bow I guess, and there isn’t one there, so he runs back to the Institute to get one. Because now he can? Jace stays behind to teach Clary how to use a light sword in the graveyard, and they play this off as a sexy flirt scene.

He tries to explain why he knows Alec will come back to help. “We’re parabatai.” Let me just throw that out there and expect you to understand! Then he tries to explain, and I *think* he’s supposed to be getting choked up with emotion about how close he is with Alec? But he looks like he’s trying not to throw up. Maybe he was really really sick when he filmed this episode.

The vampires can snap their fingers and freeze humans. That’s neat.

Isabelle is having sex with a fairie to learn how to get into the vampires’ lair. They apparently can’t lie. I am again reminded why Disney realized they needed to change the name of this channel from ABC Family to Freeform. They just can’t make a teen show anymore without copious amounts of bedroom time.

Jace and Clary go to some kind of biker bar, and just walk right in because 17 year olds can do that. He teaches Clary to see through some kind of glamour thing so she can tell who the Downworlders are. He challenges her to compliment a guy on his motorcycle and resist his charms, without telling her that he has the power to mess with her brain. Jace is watching this vampire seduce her, and he looks… excited about it. This show is weird.

Simon is making out with the head vampire lady, and she’s trying to get information out of him. Obviously, the only way to question someone in this world is to sex them up. Everyone is doing it. Most of it is not consensual. The vampire finds out that Magnus Bane took Clary’s memories and is angry. She offers Simon a Bloody Mary, which I guess is a vampire joke.

Isabelle’s fairie knows how to get into the vampire lair because he’s been having sex with the head lady.  I’m not sure how her really obvious and over the top questioning session actually got that information out of him. Even he didn’t look like he was falling for it, and he made it clear he doesn’t trust her.

Alec is using his stele, their little LED wands, to look at his arrow shaft. He had mentioned something about runed arrows before, but I guess the special effects people forgot to add them in here. He’s caught by Hodge. “Don’t tell me. I don’t wanna have to report you.” Because that’s not weird. You’re on probation for some really terrible traitor stuff, but sure, let’s encourage the teenagers to continue to break rules. That won’t look weird. He tries to say Clary is Valentine’s daughter, but even that makes his rune burn. He slaps it very dramatically, turning his head so you see it lighting up clearly, just in case you forgot his excellent overacting skills from the last episode. He can say “the monster’s daughter” though, because somehow that’s different.

Hodge: You remind of me of me, Alec. A loyal friend standing in the shadow of the chosen one. Hey.. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Look where it got me.

Now, maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t this sound like he’s antagonizing Alec into defying Jace and risking everyone?

The vampire and Clary look like they’re about to have sex on the motorcycle, which, if I didn’t mention it, is parked inside the bar. Jace finally decides to intervene. We get a glimpse of how cool the fight scenes in the show could be if they weren’t so incredibly inept at writing it. There are some fun noises when they move supersonic fast. All of this was just to steal the keys for the motorcycle, which runs on demon energy and can fly.  The music swells as they lift off, and she giggles and holds him.  I got a sick feeling in my stomach as I had a flashback to Edward calling Bella his little spider monkey…

Simon and his vampire are still making out. Is it supposed to be hot? It’s really not. So much so that it’s uncomfortable to watch. But they are drawing blood, which is going to work out great for him, I can tell.

Alec and Isabelle are in the basement I guess?

Alec: Okay.
Isabelle: Okay? It was hard work interrogating Meliorn (MEE’-lee-orn) to get this intel.
Alec: Great job Izzy. You have faerie dust on your dress. And I hate being the distraction.
Isabelle: I don’t.

He’s being sarcastic here, but I have to admit, I think he’s rather nice looking when he smiles.

She’s very proud of herself. Own it.

Here’s what I don’t understand. Why are the runes red and black? Why do they look like marker? Why aren’t they all varying shades of burn scars? Why do they have to be HUGE? Why did her makeup artist do such a lazy job with her fairie dust? I have so many questions.

Simon and the vampire are still making out, until she does a really horribly stupid-looking thing where she smells the Shadowhunters.

Seriously, I think one of the biggest problems this show is that it took cues from the first Twilight movie. That really wasn’t something anyone should aspire toward. Though even if they were, at least Twilight is amusingly terrible. Usually this show is not even that. This is where vampire-lady’s acting skills start falling apart. She sounds really silly bossing everyone around. I’m still reminded of bad high school plays. I think Simon is pretending to be drunk now that he realizes Clary is there to get him? Though I don’t think he was pretending to suck face.

It burrrns.

Jace and Clary are on the roof, where he’s giving her two new runes: one to protect her from the “encanto” the biker vampire was doing, and one to make her silent when she moves. These are actually pretty good looking. Clary must have a better makeup artist. Well, for the new ones. The one on her neck still looks like lip gloss.

Jace decides now would be a good time to chitchat about the human fascination with vampires.

Jace: The mundane world is all into vampires. I don’t get it. They see everyone else as an animated sack of meat.
Clary: Yeah, I certainly don’t see the romance.
Jace: That’s ’cause now you know it’s all real. [Dude. You JUST said you didn’t get it. And now you’re explaining to her why she doesn’t?]
Jace: Still, you gotta hand it to them, though. They know how to frame a narrative.

I swear, this is the funniest thing this show has ever done. I’m certain they were not attempting to make fun of themselves, and yet…

Clary asks about the chances of Simon becoming a vampire, and we learn that you have to drink vampire blood, and… other stuff. He doesn’t specify. Don’t be too vague in your foreshadowing now, you wouldn’t want us to miss it. Vampire bites make the victim feel high, “like they’re in love.” Clary says that’s awful, and instead of agreeing that yes, having your emotions stolen from you and controlled is a horrible kind of coercion, Jace decides now is a good time to lay on the “woe is me” shtick because he’s never been in love. Oh boo hoo. Jace seems to believe that love is something that wears off, and then deflects his baby feelings by insulting Simon.

Isabelle is accusing Alec of hiding his feelings from himself, and he wisely points out that maybe it’s not such a good idea to have some kind of deep conversation about our feels while we’re walking into a lair of vampires who want to kill us. “I don’t know, it looks pretty smooth so far.” And so now we know it won’t be any longer.

They open a door and find a clump of vampires standing there that look surprised to see them. It’s like they weren’t even down there looking for intruders. Alec tries to put a rune on the door, but it doesn’t take, so Izzy uses his light sword to cut off a pipe and stick it through the door handle as a kind of lock. Then she makes a stupid joke about the pen not being mightier than the sword. Who writes this? I need to make a list so I never watch anything else they make.

Alec and Izzy are enjoying taking the vampires out one by one. The bow is pretty cool. The vampires explode into what looks like the embers that float into the air when you burn paper. Izzy is using her snake bracelet-turned-whip to drag them to her before she stabs them with the light sword. Her moves are a series of step, pose, special effect. It’s very blocky and boring. This is a good example of how most of the fight scenes are NOT cool.

The four of them meet up, and Clary has to fight the biker dude whose bike she stole. There are more bad jokes, and she kills her first vampire and everyone is proud that she “did awesome”. It’s a bit of an overstatement really, but I guess she’s new. Their expectations might be low. At one point she’s held hostage, and Alec decides to just shoot a hole in the wall so that sunlight will pour in and burn up the vampire holding her. Alec could be so cool if he wanted to be.

Simon is trying to get away when the lackey vampire grabs him. That guy convinces the head vampire, I’ve just realized her name is Camille, she needs to escape while she can. She nearly dislocates her hip as she storms off.

We get a slow-mo shot of the Rescue Rangers walking through the building, flicking their swords, trying to look badass. It’s pretty funny. They come into the room where Simon has a knife to his throat, and now suddenly Alec can’t shoot a hole in the wall and they all put their weapons away. The vampire forces them all out of the building, Clary puts up her best “let me at him!” front, but in the end everyone gets out safely. The vampire asks Jace to remember who his friends are; he’s worried about Valentine and wants to stay on the Shadowhunters’ good side.

Jace is very rude to Simon, who is terrified and thinks they still need to run. But it’s daylight, and Jace points out it means they’re safe. Very rudely. Clary looks like she finally realizes Simon is there, and runs to him.

Clary: I couldn’t live without you.
Simon: Say that again. [He’s very hopeful and excited looking.]
Clary: I couldn’t live without you Simon. You’re all I have left. […] You’re my best friend. *cheek kiss*

Simon is, of course, brokenhearted. Izzy thinks now is a good time to apply lip gloss on her definitely still fully lipsticked lips.

Isabelle: Well… No accounting for taste.
Alec: Yeah, you should talk.

Alec and Jace argue about Clary again, but Jace yells for him to stop, catching everyone’s attention. Alec points out that he’s older, and not in Jace’s shadow. Obviously, Hodge’s little seeds of resentment are sprouting. Jace asks why he bothered to help, but Alec just walks off.

Clary stares at Jace. Jace stares at Clary. Simon stares at Clary’s heartbeat in the vein in her neck. Didn’t expect that at all.

This is what it feels like when I watch this show. Nothing they’re saying translates as real. It’s almost as if they were given the script that morning and told to do their best. We might as well be watching a daily soap opera. And that’s weird, because you would think that Disney money could have gotten better people.  At any rate, I’m very bored watching this. It took me 3 days to make it through 41 minutes of TV.  I’ll try to make this at interesting as possible, but there’s not as much to work with as I had with Reign. I never thought I’d say that when I started watching that show, but here I am still enjoying how nuts it can be three seasons in, and so far Shadowhunters just makes me want to take a nap.

We ended episode one with Clary standing over a dead man, flanked by her “mundane” best friend and the Shadowhunter representing her new life. She convinces Simon to join them in the church, which requires Jace to use his stele to mark a rune on his skin so a mundane can see through the glamour protecting their hideout (“Institute”).

Clary: I know, trust me.
Simon: He’s like, burning himself!

Clary is surprisingly calm considering this is probably the first time she’s seen a rune applied. She was unconscious when she received her healing rune, and so far the other Shadowhunters have just been activating runes they already had. Jace has to touch Simon to bring him inside, and Simon freaks out that Jace is hitting on him or something. It’s not cute or funny.

Ew! Boys!

It turns out, they’re inside to hide from the police, who have shown up because of the dead guy outside. Luckily, the police don’t have Jace’s hand to hold to see through the church glamour. Alec, our resident complainer (Was he this lame in the book? I don’t remember him being this lame. What a wet noodle. [actually- he was lamer. -Beth]), is upset that Simon is in the Institute. This provides a reason for some information dropping, and we learn that the current batch of young Shadowhunters aren’t allowed to know about the Circle. All we find out is that there was a revolt and some Shadowhunters died.

Jace says there is someone who can help, but Simon can’t go with him because the floor will kill him. We find out later that this is a lie, but you can tell that picking on the human is going to be one of the shows sources of “humor.” We also get more love triangle awkwardness: “He’s/I’m not her boyfriend! … We’re friends. Best friends” *googly eyes*  And then Simon is immediately rendered stupid by Isabelle activating one of her runes. It turns out he’s not repulsed by it when a half-clad woman does it. Isabelle offers to feed Simon while Jace and Clary do their thing, but apparently the others think her food is deadly. Haha, humans die either way!

This is an odd choice of clothing for fighting, but then, it seems to follow the uniform guidelines for the women who fight in this show. I’m also not entirely sure it fits properly, and it’s not the first time I’ve thought this about an outfit in this series. I think perhaps we can add costuming and/or seamstress to the list of things that were inexplicably left off the budget.

Luke shows up to protect this random warlock from this Circle member, who is one of the “witnesses” he was interrogating when Clary was losing her shit in the first episode.  He offers to protect her in exchange for secrets, but they fight instead and she pulls out one of those glow swords. To preserve the air of mystery they have surrounding Luke and his identity and allegiances, the camera pans out so they’re hidden behind a truck. You hear a beast growing, and then flesh ripping, and then what seems like a mini explosion that shoves the truck back a foot.

Next we meet Hodge, a former Circle member that is now chained to the Institute as a weapons trainer who can’t leave. He’s fighting with his shirt off, because of course he is, and then puts a tank top on over his sweaty self to go to talk Clary and Jace. Why bother? If you took your shirt off so it wouldn’t get gross, you just got it gross, and it’s not like that tight tank top was impeding your movement.  His rune makeup looks terrible. How many people are working on this show, and did any of them compare notes at all? No consistency.

He mistakes Clary for her mother, because I guess he assumes Jocelyn didn’t age in 18 years? And also that he’s blind? Seriously, these two people would not be mistaken for each other.

Hodge: She was Jocelyn Fairchild when I knew her. And she was one of my best friends.

You’d think you’d remember what your best friend looked like.

They ask Hodge a bunch of questions about the Circle, and everything he says causes a circle-shaped rune (*eye roll*) to burn in his neck. He tells her, with increasing dramatics, that the Circle had good intentions but basically did not realize that Valentine was crazy until it was too late. Also, her mother has been brought into this because she was also in the Circle, which upsets Clary quite a bit. Funny how he doesn’t mention that Valentine was also her husband! She has to go all the way to City of Bones for that bit of information. Though we do learn that the Mortal Cup is used to make Shadowhunters and control demons, and that Jocelyn was probably hiding the cup from Valentine and his followers. Also, everyone thought Valentine died in a fire ages ago.

Rune Burn

Clary: You might be some kind of emotionless G.I. Joe but…
Jace: What’s a G.I. Joe?

The dialogue…

Clary can’t remember if her mom hid the cup because of her mind wipe. She realizes Dot is a warlock, so these teenage Rescue Rangers have decided to track her down. She goes from being “frail frightened bunny” Clary to “snappy leather in charge” Clary in the blink of an eye again.

Dot runs into Luke, and they don’t trust each other. They’re both looking for Clary and Jocelyn. Luke is gathering up Clary’s things, including a drawing of a cup on a card. *gasp*! There’s a whole stack of them, and I think they’re Dot’s tarot cards.

Isabelle feeds Simon breakfast in her bedroom, which is massive, from a tray on her bed. She’s so subtle I’m not sure how anyone ever understands her. She’s also blunt in her descriptions of Shadowhunter things, which Simon finds unsettling, mostly because all of it involves him dying. She moves super fast, like Twilight fast, which isn’t helping my brain separate her from Rosalie.

Luke’s captain asks about Clary, and he finds out that she isn’t stuck in a portal limbo after all.

Luke: You know guys that age. They’re idiots.
Captain: Just that age?
Luke: Well, some of us transform ourselves and hide the idiot within.

So heavy handed. HEY EVERYONE! LUKE TRANSFORMS!

Clary is given Isabelle’s most solid piece of clothing, which is still to little fabric for her liking. They have some girl talk about Jace (Isabelle thinks he’s a brother, and Simon is “nerd hot”), and Clary gets a blunt Isabelle not-a-pep-talk. It doesn’t seem to be making the right impression on Simon though, because he’s still angling to get Clary to run off on their own.

What the hell is this hand slapping shit?

Alec, of course, does not approve, but they’re all going to help anyway. Could someone please explain to me how they’re doing everything alone and the Clave seems forever away and nearly unreachable, and yet the Institute is always full of people?

Clary is playing with the necklace when she gets a vision of Dot. She’s gone to Pan-Demon-ium looking for Magnus. He’s sending all his warlock buddies through a portal to hide from Valentine and refuses to help Dot. The Rescue Rangers are too late, and Valentine’s men get Dot in an alley. In the dark. It’s always dark. For some reason they run into the club looking for her even though the last vision Clary had was of Dot being jumped in the alley.

They all decide their last option is visiting the Silent Brothers in the City of Bones so Clary can retrieve her wiped memories. Alec and Isabelle freak out, and so you’d think the whole sequence of them going into the graveyard and underground would be more fraught and tense, but as usual, it’s bland and boring. Though their makeup is decent. The places where this show does and does not try are mind boggling. This episode is named The Descent into Hell Isn’t Easy, and yet, it was. Even the words Clary finds there say so. “For Shadowhunters, the descent into hell is easy.”

Jace: You should know, the pain will be excruciating.

You could have fooled me.

Jace: Clary, you don’t keep the silent hunters waiting.

Oh, did we make an appointment? No. No they did not.

Luke’s captain is getting suspicious when that Circle member’s body shows up with massive claw marks. Alaric, the guy I’ve mostly ignored up to now, tells him he needs to find Clary before their “friends” doubt him.

Jace and Clary pause on their strenuous hell journey of walking down a hallway to have some bonding time, and we learn that Jace’s dad died in the Circle revolt. They hold hands into the Silent Brother’s room and they all appear around them. They use the Soul Sword to retrieve her memories, and it can kill her if she’s not strong enough, and since we know there’s no chance she’s dying in episode 2, this entire scene is not even a little tense. The sword comes down and barely touches her head, and we watch one memory of overhearing her mother mention Valentine is her father. Perhaps this is more shocking to the people who have no knowledge of this series, but it fell very flat for me.

Simon and Isabelle are doing their awkward/forward thing in his van to “listen to his band’s music”, and because it’s a teen show, band member Maureen, the other love triangle, starts texting him. And then Isabelle hears something and Simon is snatched by something with gross fingernails while she’s investigating.

Valentine questions Dot, drugs her, in an attempt to get her to help reverse the potion Jocelyn took to sleep. Later she uses her magic to break the locks on her cell.  She’s actually one of the few decent actors in this trash heap. Her struggles actually seem difficult. Valentine’s lackey attacks her after she gets out, and defends herself by stabbing him with one of the syringes he has lying around. Valentine finishes pushing the plunger and it’s implied that he stabs Dot with his glow sword.

Let’s all take a moment to mourn sweet Dot. You were too good for this world.

Back with the Rescue Rangers, Alec thinks Clary must be a Valentine spy, and it turns out Simon has been taken by some “Night Children”, or vampires. They want to exchange him for the Mortal Cup. Everyone seems to think they should keep it safe from everyone else, instead of working together to keep it from Valentine. The talking vampire looks like my brother. Somehow, this makes sense to me.

And that’s it. Will there be a next time? I honestly don’t know. I’ll have to give Episode 3 a whirl and see if I can even finish watching it. Wish me luck. [At this point there is a limit to what I will make my recappers endure – maybe during sweeps week – b.] 

OLYMPICS SPECIAL VOL. 1 BETTY ROBINSON AND WYOMIA TYUS: The 100M Special

Ah! The Olympics, the apex of athletics, the gold standard of the gold standard of the gold standard. Every 4 years the very best in the wide, wild, wicked world of sports compete for the gold medal, some of those athletes live on forever like Carl Lewis, Flo Jo, Wilma Rudolf, Jim Thorpe, Mary Lou Retton, the list goes on but there are several others that get lost in the storied and complicated history halls of the Olympics. This edition of TSI will focus on the Women’s 100M Sprint and 4 X 100M Relay. The forgotten stars featured in the first Olympic special are Betty Robinson and Wyomia Tyus.

BETTY ROBINSON: 1928 – Amsterdam, 1936 – Berlin

Betty’s career in track and field was brief but explosive. August 23, 1911 Elizabeth Robinson was born to Harry and Elizabeth Robinson. The Robinsons resided in Riverdale, Illinois. Elizabeth, or Betty as she preferred, wasn’t immediately interested in sports. Betty attended school in Wayne, Illinois. She was accidently discovered by her high school biology teacher, Charles Price. Mr. Price was also the assistant track coach. Betty missed a train home. She sprinted with all she had to catch it (according to legend she actually made it). Price knew there was a track star in her. She ran the 100M and 4 x 100M Relay. According to her, “I had no idea that women even ran that. I grew up a hick.” She was 15 at the time.

Her first official race was at Soldier Field in Chicago. She came in second place…to the current women’s 100M record-holder, Helen Filkey. This was followed by the Olympic qualifying meet for the 1928 games. Any previous Olympics qualifier, she wouldn’t have been invited. This was the first time in Olympic history where women were allowed to participate in track and field against the wishes of Pope Pious XI and Baron de Coubertin, the founder of the modern Olympics. Betty came in second and made the cut. By now, she had set a school record for the 100M and turned 16.

Betty was the only American to make it through the trial races and semifinal rounds of the 100M. Canada’s Fanny Rosenfeld was heavily favored to win the gold. Canada’s other sprinter, Myrtle Cook (also so-holder of the current world record time of 12.3 seconds) and Germany’s Helen Schmidt made false starts in the final race. They were disqualified, leaving only 4 runners. Betty narrowly won the gold with the world record time of 12.2 seconds. Second place’s Rosenfeld time was 12.3 seconds. Betty was 16 and the first women to win a gold medal in the Olympic Games. In the 4 x 100M Relay, the American Women team won silver to the Canadian team’s gold. Betty is still the youngest woman to win the gold in this event.

She received a diamond watch from Wayne, Illinois, a silver cup from her high school, and a golden globe necklace from Douglas MacArthur, the president of the Olympic committee. In September of that year she lowered the 100M record to 11.0 seconds. She continued to train and compete. A year later, she started attending Northwestern University where she set more world records for 60 yards, 70 yards, and 200 yards. Betty was an excellent shooter on the rifle team.

In 1931 however things took a downturn, while flying in a biplane with her cousin piloting. They ended up crashing. Her cousin was still alive. She was discovered and declared dead at the scene but the undertaker clarified that she was alive. Betty was in a coma for a time but woke up. She needed several years of recovery. The crash left her with severe cuts, a broken left leg, crushed left arm, and a concussion. Her leg needed a silver rod and pins to keep it intact. She was inactive in sports until 1934.

She resumed training but couldn’t bend her left leg into a starting position anymore, only a standing one. The 100M was out of the question but the 4 x 100M wasn’t. She was on the 1936 4 x 100M team with Harriet Bland, Annette Rogers, and Helen Stephens. Betty was third leg. They managed to win the gold medal even though Betty’s past few years. The German team had the lead until a baton mishap threw them off. No one thought this would have happened. A mere 5 years ago, Betty was dead and she won the gold medal again.

Shortly afterwards, she retired from athletics. Betty never received any endorsement deals and couldn’t play any professional sports. She ended up finding a living elsewhere. She married Richard Schwartz in December 1939. The couple had 2 children and 3 grandchildren. Betty was inducted in the USA Track and Field Hall of Fame in 1977, among others. She represented the Girls’ Athletic Association and Women’s Olympic Athletic Association throughout her life speaking to numerous communities and schools.

She died on May 21, 1999 from Alzheimer’s.

WYOMIA TYUS: 1964 – Tokyo, 1968 – Mexico City

Unlike Betty, Wyomia was a natural athlete from an early age. She was born in Griffin, Georgia on August 29, 1945. Her parents, Willie Tyus, worked on a dairy farm, and, Marie Tyus, was a laundry lady. They had very different ideas on whether or not their only daughter should play sports. Marie deemed it inappropriate for a lady but her father was the opposite. As the youngest of 4, she followed her brothers into sports. They attended segregated schools throughout their early years. There wasn’t much encouragement in her becoming an athlete but she kept at it.

In high school, she found basketball. After a while, she tried out for track and field. Wyomia wanted to be a high jumper but found her real specialty was the 4 x 100M and the 100M. Legendary track coach, Edward Temple, from Tennessee State University saw Wyomia at the Georgia State Championship. She was 15 but he knew she needed to be on his team. Temple invited her to his track and field camp that summer. In 1962, she went to the Amateur Athletic Union championship, won the 100M and set a new American record. The next year’s championship, Wyomia came in second to Edith McGuire.

Wyomia received a scholarship to TSU in 1963. Making her the first person in her family to attend college. She won several AAU titles while there. Narrowly, she made the team for the 1964 Olympic games. For the 100M, Wyomia won the gold. For the 4 x 100M, the American team won the silver. Despite the international success, her mother still didn’t like her only daughter playing sports. This was also the first time Wyomia beat Edith McGuire in the 100M. Regardless of what her mother wanted, she went to the 1968 Olympics. There was talk of a boycott from the African American athletes due to racism and threats but she along with a few others including Tommie Smith and John Carlos went. For the second time, she won the gold in 100M. This was the first time a person won the 100M in two consecutive Olympics. The next person to do this was Carl Lewis, 20 years later. Also the American team won the gold for 4 x 100M. Wyomia did not make the Black Power salute when she won her medals but she did dedicate them to John Carlos and Tommie Smith, who did.

Just like Betty, Wyomia retired after her second Olympics. She had no endorsements and had to find work elsewhere. She served as a goodwill ambassador to Africa working with training clinics and encouraging girls to participate in sports. She was invited to the Professional International Track Association in 1973. After two years as a pro she won 22 out of 36 races. Following this, she became a physical education teacher in the Los Angeles area. After getting married a second time, had 2 children. Billie Jean King, Wyomia, and several other female athletes formed the Women’s Sports Foundation in the mid-70s.

She still resides in the LA area now.

Both of these women deserve to be remembered more than they currently are. Both of them broke boundaries and made history. Betty came back from the dead. Wyomia went from a small farm in Georgia to the world’s fastest woman in her prime. They are some of the greatest athletes to grace the Olympic track and the world.

Sources

http://www.olympic.org/news/betty-robinson-athletics/179776

http://www.anb.org/articles/19/19-00969.html

http://www.nytimes.com/1999/05/21/sports/betty-robinson-a-pathfinder-in-women-s-track-dies-at-87.html

http://www.teamusa.org/News/2015/April/28/Betty-Robinson-The-Gold-Medalist-Who-Came-Back-From-the-Dead

http://www.usatf.org/halloffame/TF/showBio.asp?HOFIDs=137

http://www.georgiaencyclopedia.org/articles/sports-outdoor-recreation/wyomia-tyus-b-1945

http://www.usatf.org/halloffame/TF/showBio.asp?HOFIDs=175

http://womenshistory.about.com/od/trackandfield/p/wyomia_tyus.htm

http://www.olympic.org/wyomia-tyus

http://sports.jrank.org/pages/4987/Tyus-Wyomia.html

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB121259662999045367