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Deliver The Profile Episode 238: Ramming Speed

Deliver The Profile goes gay with “A Good Husband”, an episode about a man who leaves torsos in the local gay community in order to…something. Look, it’s a really bad episode, with some of the worst acting this side of a David DeCoteau joint, so just listen to the show and find out for yourself.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 237: That Ministry Song Off Psalm 69

Marking time until Criminal Minds: Evolution begins, Ronnie and Jazz discuss “Scarecrow” from Season 12. It’s not an all-timer, but it has one of the funniest deaths in Criminal Minds history, so there’s that.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 236: S.W.A.T. Kats

In yet another episode of a Criminal Minds podcast with a tenuous connection to Criminal Minds, the boys discuss a Season 2 episode of Shemar Moore’s S.W.A.T. entitled “Inheritance”. Somebody is impersonating the Symbionese Liberation Army and carrying out what one character deems “Patty Hearst 2.0″. Is it as dumb as it sounds? Absolutely. Is
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Urban Legends: Bloody Mary

It’s finally over: Urban Legends month-ish is done. Bloody Mary is the least of the franchise. It stars Kate Mara and is basically Prom Night II if it were worse. A guy gets his penis exploded. It’s NOT a good time.

 

Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Urban Legends: Final Cut

This week Deliver The Profile discusses Urban Legends: Final Cut, the origin of Fence-Man, the character find of 2000. Is the Hitchcock Award the worst fictional award ever? Of course it is.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Ultra Woman”/”Chip off the Old Clark”

Ronnie: Welcome back to Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie. I’m the last guy in that list of names and have I got a pair of episodes for you. In the first episode, Lois gets superpowers and runs afoul of Shelley Long. In another, Superman is faced with the downside of celebrity: being accused
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Urban Legend

As promised, for October Deliver The Profile is shedding its Criminal Minds coverage in favor of the Urban Legend film series. Someone’s killing people based on urban legends, and it could be anyone, from Robert Englund to Brad Dourif to, uh, Michael Rosenbaum. Of all the Scream ripoffs, this is definitely one of them.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 235: Goodbye, Morgan

Morgan finally departs but not before facing off with a dimly lit Lance Henriksen. “A Beautiful Disaster” is, well, just that, minus the beautiful part.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 234: Enter Sandman (Nirvana cover)

Morgan’s exit trudges on with “The Sandman”, an episode that gives filler a bad name. Somebody is murdering parents and kidnapping children, and sand and hourglasses are involved. Is it dumb? Most definitely. Morgan feels attacked by this unsub because he is soon to be a father; prior to this he never gave a fuck
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Deliver The Profile Episode 233: Guest Starring Danny Glover

In “Derek”, Shemar Moore hallucinates an aged up version of his father played by Danny Glover. No, really. It’s absurd and one of the worst episodes of Criminal Minds, which makes it good fodder for Deliver The Profile. The boys also discuss the dreaded news of Criminal Minds: Evolution’s premiere date.

 

Law & Ordocki #46: The Law & Orgy: Dick Wolf’s Procedural Centipede

Here we go. Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? By my count I have not added to the Law & Ordocki canon in over 12 months. The reason for this is simple: I pretty much stopped watching the franchise. SVU irritated me, Organized Crime bored me. I did watch all of Season 21 of
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Just Say Noah”/”Don’t Tug on Superman’s Cape”

Chris: Hello friends, it’s that time again. Time to go back to the magical year of 1995, one of the best years for American movies of the last fifty years, to talk about a mediocre television show. No, not Seinfeld, though I can see why you’d think that. Nope, it’s not Friends either. Something much
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Deliver The Profile Episode 232: The Gym Mat Killer

In “A Badge and a Gun”, some dude with a spider web tattoo steals law enforcement credentials and uses them to get into women’s houses and kills them. Meanwhile, Morgan receives a troubling text from his girlfriend. Scintillating, isn’t it? Yeah, well that’s what we have to work with this week so bear with us.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 231: Roach Brooch

Off Format time as the boys, as promised, cover an episode of CSI: NY! “The Daze of Wine and Roaches” is proof positive they made the right choice in not doing an episode about CSI or any of its spinoffs, because shit is obnoxious and dumb. More so than Criminal Minds even. There’s counterfeit wine,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 230: For Obvious Reasons

It may have taken the boys over 200 episodes, but they have finally completed the first season of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. It is a doozy. “Iqiniso” is set in South Africa and involves a man wearing an animal skull killing people and making it look like he’s trying to resurrect them as zombies. Key
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Contact”/”When Irish Eyes Are Killing”

Ronnie: Welcome back to Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, what I figure must be the only weekly column that devotes upwards of 4000 words on a superhero show from 25 years ago. We’re well over the halfway point of the series Lois & Clark, so with it I think we have to recognize
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Deliver The Profile Episode 229: Dumb Homeland

Not much in the way of a description because Ronnie got his ass kicked by a Rammstein concert last night, but here’s what you need to know: it’s more Beyond Borders, it takes place in Turkey, and it might be the dumbest the show has ever gotten. Enjoy!

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 228: America’s a Fucking Disease

You probably can’t tell, but this show was recorded in the immediate wake of Roe v. Wade being overturned, so Ronnie and Jazz are understandably miffed. So miffed, in fact, that they took a vacation from America by way of an episode of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. “De Los Inocentes” is a yarn set in
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Deliver The Profile Episode 227: Puke

Puke! That’s a funny word, right? Well, it accurately describes the Adam Rodriguez spotlight episode “Luke”, in which a blast from Alvez’s past puts his cushy life at risk. Who’s going to die? His girlfriend? The dog? The black best friend who’s only been in one other episode? You know enough to about television to
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Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtles 5: The Newest Not Really A Movie Movie

Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtles is back to discuss Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie, a straight to Netflix “movie” that is basically Brian Yuzna’s Society meets Terminator but with none of the fun or interesting or awesome bits. Will Leonardo finally become the leader? Why is Haley Joel Osment voicing a Kyle Reese
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “We Have A Lot To Talk About”/”Ordinary People”

Chris: Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends, or doesn’t end for two more seasons anyway. It’s time again for Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie, the often imitated but never duplicated series dedicated to providing the finest Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman analysis 2022 has to offer.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 226: Hans Moleman

Jazz is back! Everyone’s second favorite host returns to a doozy of a nothing of an episode, “Night Lights”, also known as the Moleman episode. Are moles people? Should they be people? It’s a later season episode so expect it to be stupid, half-formed and ultimately not a lot to talk about. Luckily, the boys
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Deliver The Profile Episode 225: The David Eckstein of Profiling (with Chris Ludovici)

Jazz is still in the nether-zone, so that means Ronnie must partake in another Marvel Team-Up! This time out it’s Chris Ludovici, his partner in crime in many a writing project (Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie included). They try to talk about anything besides Criminal Minds, but invariably the topic drifts back to
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: Smallville

Ronnie: Chris lost the Season 3 premiere document so as punishment to him and also all of you, we’re doing Smallville this week. What is Smallville? I’m glad you asked. It’s the most successful Superman show ever in terms of longevity, and it’s also a show that transcended the teen drama of the WB and
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Deliver The Profile Episode 224: Isn’t It Interesting? (with Daniel Daughhetee)

Jazz is on vacation, but have no fear, Ronnie has teamed with Daniel Daughhetee (The Canon Ball) to bring you a brand spanking new episode of Deliver The Profile! Witness as Ronnie puts Daniel through the paces with “False Flag”, a later season show about conspiracy theorists. They’re being murdered! Is it a conspiracy or
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Deliver The Profile Episode 223: Who’s Your Daddy, Snakegirl?

“Dust and Bones” is a Season 13 episode about snake people. Well, snake person. She’s on a rampage and it’s up to the BAU to stop her. Meanwhile, Luke Alvez reconnects with his estranged-ish crippled friend Phil “The Brick” Brooks. You’ll be surprised how Alvez bridges their gap. Besides that, it’s business as usual at
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Deliver The Profile Episode 222: Strong Island

Out of Chicago, the Deliver The Profile boys hit up Long Island as a blast from David Rossi’s past threatens to, well, not do much of anything. It’s really a metaphor about not letting yourself let hot pieces get away. It’s actually one of the better Criminal Minds we’ve ever covered, because the BAU fails
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: Superboy

Ronnie: We’re back everybody, and as is customary for Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie between seasons of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman we’re going to be taking a look at a different adaptation of Superman. This time we’ve chosen Superboy, the Superman show you probably never heard of and never
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Deliver The Profile Episode 221: Chiraq

The boys’ trip to Chicago concludes in a weird episode about an unsub killing at the behest of an Internet radio show. Hey, we don’t write this shit. Potentially more interesting is a subplot in which Rossi meets with his third ex-wife because she wants him to attend his daughter’s wedding. The thing is, the
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Whine, Whine, Whine”/”And The Answer Is…”

Chris: So, I watched the first two seasons of Smallville, which was at least two seasons too many. My recollection is that it’s few virtues (John Glover, the idea that Young Lex Luthor would spend large portions of his day trying to get Young Clark Kent laid, John Glover) were far outweighed by its many
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Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Jurassic World Dominion

Ronnie and Jazz go to the movies, and this time it’s the abominable locust themed film Jurassic World Dominion. To quote William Hurt in A History of Violence, “HOWWWW do you fuck THAT up?”, that referring to a movie about dinosaurs in an uneasy coexistence with humans? Listen to the podcast to find out!

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 220: Abducted in Plain Sight

“Where’s Hotch?” is over, so the boys are taking a two part trip to Chicago baby, Chi-ca-go. In “The Return”, children are being recruited by some sort of boogerman to commit violent crimes against the police. This is stupid for a number of reasons, as Ronnie and Jazz will point out in the podcast, but
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Target: Jimmy Olsen!”/”Individual Responsibility”

Ronnie: In our penultimate column of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie for the second season of Lois & Clark, we’re faced with something that occurs rarely but still too often: the Jimmy spotlight episode. Chris and I are in agreement that while Landes’ portrayal wasn’t great, Season 1 Jimmy far outpaces Season 2
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Deliver The Profile Episode 219: “Creeps”

“Where’s Hotch?” comes to an end and finally Ronnie and Jazz can stop with the Season 12 episodes already. “Elliott’s Pond” is about some kids who go missing in a case that resembles an earlier child abduction. Wrapped up in all of this is Neil Phipps, the creep from Eagleheart. Will they find the kids
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Resurrection”/”Tempus Fugitive”

Chris: Hello and welcome to another edition of Treading Water and Chris and Ronnie. I’m sorry, I meant to say Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie, but this week it might as well be the same thing as our series of hard-hitting articles discussing the occasionally remembered ABC nighttime soap Lois & Clark hits
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Deliver The Profile Episode 218: The Minotaur

In “The Anti-Terror(ism) Squad” the most vulnerable of us all are targeted: bullies. Will the Mindsers stop the threat to our treasured bullies or will, as is what usually happens, a bunch of people die until they ultimately stop an unsub that’s holding someone at gunpoint? Ronnie tries to convince Jazz all this episode is
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Deliver The Profile Minisode 6: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Ronnie tells Jazz about the time he went to go see the latest Marvel masterpiece, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 217: Brother’s Creeper

“Where’s Hotch” continues with a tale as old as time: the collector of body parts who starts chucking them everywhere. Who is he, and does he have a brother? That’s what the BAU intends to find out, and Ronnie and Jazz just want to make fun of the whole process.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Return of the Prankster”/”Lucky Leon”

Ronnie: Well, it’s not quite Lex Luthor’s return, but this week on Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie we have the resurgence of another comics based foe, the Prankster as portrayed by Bronson Pinchot. Chris likes this Prankster more than I do, but I have to admit that I found myself warming to him
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “The Phoenix”/”Top Copy”

Chris: We’ve detected an odd trend developing here at the old Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie offices. As you may have noticed, we alternate who opens and closes each article. Lately it’s seemed like the quality of the episodes we’ve covered have risen and fallen in little two-episode arcs such that I keep
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Deliver The Profile Episode 216: Step Counts

Ronnie and Jazz do an episode of Criminal Minds about the craze sweeping the nation: incest. In “Taboo”, the unsub wants to fuck his mother, and his mother wants to fuck everyone due to her brain damage. It’s complicated.

 

Deliver The Profile Episode 215: Sicko Day

Here it is, folks: the final episode of Aaron Hotchner’s storied FBI career. Of course it wasn’t designed that way, which the hosts will delve into over the course of “Sick Day”, which nominally is a JJ episode. I know, I know, but we’ll get through it together.

 

Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Ronnie and Jazz review a sicko for adults only film, Sonic the Hedgehog 2.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Chi of Steel”/”The Eyes Have It”

Ronnie: This time out on Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie I have to apologize ahead of time: the writers on the show thought for some reason they could ably write about other cultures, people not their own. There is a resounding rebuke to that idea in the content of these episodes, “Chi of
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Deliver The Profile Gimme Morbius Episode 1: Morbius

The boys review the most anticipated film of 2022, Morbius.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Season’s Greedings”/”Metallo”

Chris: Hey there cats and kittens, and welcome to another installment of Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie, 2022’s fourth most popular website for tracking the overlapping of the casts of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and Seinfeld. I think I can speak for both Ronnie and myself when I say
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “That Old Gang of Mine”/”A Bolt From the Blue”

Ronnie: We’re back at Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, the one source for contemporary examination of the hit ABC series Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. As you may or may not know, I’m an obsessive fan of the 90s syndicated superhero show Night Man. In it, jazz musician Johnny Domino
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Deliver The Profile Episode 214: Storm’s Coming, Yo!

Deliver The Profile is FINALLY back to, well, delivering the profile with the Season 11 finale, “The Storm”! How was this not Hotch’s exit? What exactly do the writers think anarchy is? Do “serial killer wings” of prisons exist? This episode confounded the boys, so expect more questions. Also: Ronnie got a new TV and
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: The Batman

Ronnie and Jazz forgot the premise of their own show so it’s another movie episode. This time it’s THE BATMAN, the 70th film adaptation of the DC Comics character created by Bob Kane and Bob Kane only. Why does Riddler look like a Trailer Park Boys character? Why does Catwoman look like Aubrey Plaza in
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Deliver The Profile Episode 213: Profiling 202, Reid!

Ronnie and Jazz finally wrap up the Saga of the Womb Raider.