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Deliver The Profile Episode 271: Seven Years of Sobriety

To celebrate Ronnie staying sober for seven years, the boys ‘treat’ themselves to a Season 1 episode, “Machismo”.


Deliver The Profile Episode 270: We’re Done With Season 12

“Seek and Destroy” is boring as shit, but at least it marks the end of our coverage of Season 12. It’s a home invasion one, everybody knows home invasion ones suck.


Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Brutal Youth”/”The People v. Lois Lane”

Chris: Man, I don’t understand TV. I know that here at the Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie home office we’re supposed to be experts in the field. Why else would anyone possibly want to read about a 25 year old show that no one liked in the first place? The only way any
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Deliver The Profile Episode 269: Mindswitchin’

Mr. Scratch brainwashes a guy to think he’s Aisha Tyler’s brother. Your guess is as good as ours.


Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtles 6: Mutant Mayhem

It’s here! The podcast of the summer is here…in late August. The boys convene to discuss Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, the film that dares to use the same word twice in its title. How disgusting is it? Why does Donatello sound like he’s 5? How does Seth Rogen get away with whitewashing Bebop?
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Deliver The Profile Episode 268: Killer Epp (with Dr. Daniel Daughhetee)

To discuss America’s love affair with drone warfare as depicted in the Criminal Minds episode “Killer App”, we once again turn to Thrawnderdome’s Daniel Daughhetee.


Deliver The Profile Episode 267: Underground Babyroad

It’s another Deliver The Profile. This time somebody’s hot for teacher in “I Love You, Tommy Brown” as Teri Polo seeks to reunite her felony-riddled family. It’s more Season 7 garbage.


Deliver The Profile Episode 266: The Audacity of Hope

Another episode of Deliver The Profile. This is the skeeziest episode yet if you can make such a claim.


Deliver The Profile Episode 265: Everyone I Love is Dead

Rossi grapples with his ex-wife’s mortality as the team grapples with a guy drowning and resuscitating his victims in “Epilogue”. Also during the show, Ronnie and Jazz briefly review Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny and talk about how night fishing is grade A loser behavior.


Deliver The Profile Episode 264: mother!

Ronnie and Jazz confronts bad mothers on “From Childhood’s Hour”, another Season 7 episode of Criminal Minds. There’s really not a lot to this one besides Rossi reconnecting with his first ex-wife. Do we get to see some old people sex? Listen to the episode to find out.


Deliver The Profile Episode 263: (Not) Alan Moore’s Top Ten

It’s the school shooting episode of the show. “Painless” also involves an unsub who feels no pain. Why these two plotlines were conjoined is beyond the hosts. “Season 7, eh, whatever” summer continues apace.  


Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Swear To God, We’re Not Kidding This Time”/”Soul Mates”

Ronnie: It took us over a year but we’ve finally reached the point the show was setting up, arguably, its entire run: the wedding. A lot of times TV shows have the trouble of knowing how to mine conflict when its main set of male/female characters becomes a couple. Fortunately, Lois & Clark is not
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

The boys discuss the furrytastic new Transformers, Rise of the Beasts. Do the beasts rise or do they not? Does this belong in the canon of classic Brooklyn films? Is this superior to the Michael Bay movies or not? All these questions and more will be answered in the two plus hours Ronnie and Jazz
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Deliver The Profile Episode 262: David Rossi’s Punch-Out

Take out your gloves and start pounding a slab of meat because it’s a boxing episode! In “The Bittersweet Science” some guy is going around beating people to death because he could’ve been a contender, or his son is dying, or something. Charles S. Dutton guest stars in the episode. It’s Season 7. It’s terrible.
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Lord of the Flys”/”Battleground Earth”

Chris: [Clapping] All right, guys, let’s bring it in, come on, huddle up now, let’s huddle up. Okay, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, that last quarter was rough. The first two quarters weren’t exactly picnics either, but we gave as good as we got. But then things got away from us. Last quarter was more
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Deliver The Profile Episode 261: Trump 2016 Campaign Ad

Race war! It’s race war time as the BAU goes to San Bernardino to investigate a series of home invasions that seem to be racially-motivated. What does the dipstick who directed Atlas Shrugged Part 1 have to do with this? It’s exploitative, racially dicey–it’s Criminal Minds all right. It is disquieting how this episode echoes
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Deliver The Profile Episode 260: Sgt. Party

Ronnie is actually enthusiastic for once. He’s on drugs in case you wanted an explanation. It sure has nothing to do with “Middle Man” itself, a miserable torture porn excursion smack dab in the middle of Season 6 that pits a lone exotic dancer against a coterie of rapist dipshits, one of whom was a
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Deliver The Profile Episode 259: Gone Gideon Gone

Back to early days with Season 3’s “Scared to Death”, Ronnie and Jazz chat about a Scarecrow unsub who precedes the literal Scarecrow unsub on the show. As the podcast title indicates, Mandy Patinkin’s Gideon has just departed the show and a decent part of this hour is the show dealing with his absence. Ultimately,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 258: St. Patrick’s Day IV: The Return of Danny Murphy

Back to business as usual as Ronnie and Jazz delve into “A Shade of Gray”, one of the rare killer kid episodes. Witness Fake Kyle Chandler’s bullshit plan! Listen to the boys do offensive Irish accents for most of the podcast. Hear them posit an altogether better slasher franchise than Halloween. Most of all, be
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: Krypton

Ronnie: Welcome to Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, wherein we take an analytical look at a show with almost no lasting cultural footprint and really we’re more than halfway through so don’t question why we do this. That’ll cause us to question why we do this and there’s nothing good coming from that.
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Deliver The Profile Episode 257: Gotham Knights

Not a Criminal Minds episode, but Gotham Knights fits comfortably in the Deliver The Profile remit by being poor television badly told. Why do they keep making Batman shows without Batman? Who the fuck is Turner Hayes? Where’s the Robins anybody cares about? The CW’s latest and least greatest foray into cheap superheroics plumbs new
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Deliver The Profile Kino Korner: The Super Mario Bros. Movie

When is a movie barely a movie? When it’s The Super Mario Bros. Movie, apparently. Although Ronnie and Jazz did not find it unsettling on par with the Sonic movies, they sure didn’t like it either. From needle drops to uninspired voice acting, this film has all the markings of an Illumination picture. The best
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Through A Glass, Darkly”/”Big Girls Don’t Fly”

Chris: Hallå my friends, and välkommen once again to Harriet & Max & Chris and Ronnie, the internet’s number one destination for trenchant analysis of the works of Ingmar Bergman mixed with Seinfeld references. Today, we’ll be looking at Through a Glass, Darkly, Bergman’s 1961 treatise on madness, faith and lust. It’s the first film
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Deliver The Profile Episode 256: Advanced Studies Criminal Minds (feat. Daniel Daughhetee)

Four time guest champion Dr. Daniel Daughhetee asked for a “hard” episode of Criminal Minds, so he got a Season 2 of Beyond Borders thing titled “Obey”. It’s about a guy who kills people after being shot in the head and left for dead in an open grave. It takes place in Jamaica. Yes, it’s
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Deliver The Profile Episode 255: What Are We Doing Here? (feat. Chris Ludovici)

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie co-writer Chris Ludovici almost convinces Ronnie to give up doing the podcast. It’s an existential crisis of an episode, folks, starring “The Fatigues” Seinfeld guy and a whole lot of belt stranglin’.


Deliver The Profile Episode 254: Buffalo: Crime Capital of the World

Tribute To The Shield Month ends with neither a bang nor a whimper, just another daaaaaaaay of podcasting. “The Big Wheel” is about an OCD man who kills blondes and is definitely not just a ripoff of Peeping Tom, the Michael Powell classic. Did that have a blind kid who got around by clicking? Didn’t
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Oedipus Wrecks”/”It’s A Small World After All”

Ronnie: I want to first begin by saying “Oedipus Wrecks” as a title has also been used on Wings and most recently Criminal Minds. So that’s the level of “clever” we’re dealing with here. Anyway, this episode closes the book on the Lois amnesia saga. Does it do so in an elegant fashion? Well, I
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Deliver The Profile Episode 253: La Brea

In this Tribute to The Shield episode, the boys welcome Ronnie Gardocki himself, David Rees Snell, to the show. Too bad he has a nothing role in a nothing episode (“Remembrance of Things Past”). Like, we’re talking Season 6 nothing. There’s so little to talk about the boys spend a digression on the NBC hit
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Law & Ordocki #50: The Beginning

Welcome to the 50th Law & Ordocki! Ever since September 8th 2014, this has been the only source for critical reviews of the Law & Order franchise generally and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit specifically. I know, I know, how did it take me so long to get here. The point is, I’m here
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Deliver The Profile Episode 252: Stathis Borans

This episode has it all: a digression about something President Trump said last year, a possibly good episode of Criminal Minds, and the guy who played Stathis Borans in The Fly and the quite possibly underrated The Fly II. There’s so much incident it unfortunately overshadows our Shield alum this week, Catherine Dent. And she’s
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Law & Ordocki #49: Welcome to SVU, Diane Neal! Hope You Survive The Experience!

Cast changes are usually tough, because you have to start writing a new voice. That’s of course if you’re competent; if you’re not competent and don’t give a shit you can write the new character like an old character and duck criticism by never going on Twitter. SVU tends to trend towards the latter, because
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Law & Ordocki #48: 7 Levels of Hell

Some episodes of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit are immediately infamous, such as the wildlife smuggling episode or the one where Robin Williams is the Riddler (article on that one forthcoming). Others become so retroactively, inadvertently. I would say “Trade” fits the bill, on the basis that its big guest star is disgraced actor
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Deliver The Profile Episode 251: With Special Guest Star Walton Goggins

In “Tribute to The Shield” month, the boys take a look at episodes of Criminal Minds that featured cast members of The Shield in them. First is Season 4’s “Demonology”, in which a blast from Prentiss’ past threatens to push the show into Touched by an Angel territory. Also starring: James Remar! It’s a lot
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Deliver The Profile Episode 250: Ryan Bacon

Fresh off the victory lap that was completing Season 16/Evolution of Criminal Minds, Ronnie and Jazz use the momentous Episode 250 to discuss another serial killer thriller: FOX’s 2013 magical mystery tour THE FOLLOWING. Starring Kevin Bacon and James Purefoy, THE FOLLOWING is about a drunk FBI agent trying in vain to stop a shitty
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Law & Ordocki #47: Goodbye Blue Munchday

Over the past week Richard Belzer passed away. Best known for his character John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, he was also a prolific stand-up comedian and appeared in films such as Scarface and The Wrong Guys (both equally renowned). While I never met the man,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 249: Over

It’s over. Criminal Minds Season 16 is over, the manhunt for Sicarius is over, Doug Baby is over, it’s all over until they start shooting again and we must begin contemplating Season 17. “Dead End” boasts a number of highlights, from apparitions to Josh Stewart having to deliver expository dialogue like a person. Of all
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Seconds”/”Forget Me Not”

Chris: No time for a clever opening this week on Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie cats and kittens! Today we’re looking at the conclusion of the “Lois and Clark Get Married but Actually No” trilogy, and as that’s L&C’s first three parter, it’s also L&C&C&R’s first time we couldn’t cover a whole plotline
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Deliver The Profile Episode 248: $549 Worth of Duct Tape

The penultimate episode has occurred, and it’s just as disappointing as you might expect. Rossi interviews Sicarius’ wife! Rossi interviews Sicarius himself! Flashbacks galore! Ronnie is overcoming sickness and may possibly be fucked up from DayQuil. Who knows! Who cares. The important part is this season is blessedly almost over, and there’s no tension because
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Deliver The Profile Episode 247: Hang Man

In Episode 8 of Evolution, Sicarius kidnaps a woman from SECOND Street and later pawns her off to sensational character find of 2023, Hang Man. In other news, Shemar Moore is a father, JJ’s kids are hideous monsters, Garcia is in a better mood now that she’s gotten laid, and Rossi takes a Pacific Northwest
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Deliver The Profile Episode 246: Adventures in Babysitting

It’s what you’ve been waiting for: a Deputy Director Baby spotlight episode. In a completely unnecessary sidequest, the team heads to West Virginia to stop a religious-themed injustice collector with a problem with opioid users and abusers. Hey, opioid crisis, eh? That’s in the news, isn’t it? Meanwhile, Lewis looks at her phone a lot
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “I Now Pronounce You…”/”Double Jeopardy”

Ronnie: We’re here! We’re finally here! (Or are we? More on that later…) Ever since Lois found out Clark’s secret, and their will they/won’t they settled into “will they”, it’s been inevitable that the two be married off, if only for the show’s strange and juvenile approach to sexual politics. They can’t live in sin,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 245: Blood Red Green

Jazz is back and so is Criminal Minds: Evolution. Episode 6, “True Conviction”, sees the BAU race against time to free a wrongfully convicted man on death row even if it pisses off Lewis’ girlfriend. Meanwhile, Sicarius visits his Harry Morgan and Garcia kisses someone. Oh, it’s very eventful. Oh yeah, that cliffhanger from episode
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “The Dad Who Came In From The Cold”/”Tempus, Anyone?”

  Chris: Regular readers of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie (or reader, whatever) know that we here at the home office have a fairly ambivalent relationship with Jimmy Olson and an outright antagonistic one with the version of the character as played by Justin Whalen on L&C.  The general consensus is that the
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Deliver The Profile Episode 244: Ripped From The Racist Headlines (with Dr. Daniel Daughhetee)

Jazz is sick with Havana Syndrome, so it’s up to 3 time DTP champion Dr. Daniel Daughhetee to pick up the slack. In this gap week between Criminal Minds: Evolution, we decided to cover “Bloodline”, aka the Most Racist Episode Of Anything Ever. A family of Romanians–or Gypsies, pick your poison–go around murdering parents and
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Deliver The Profile Episode 243: Grenator

Things heat up slightly with the introduction of a werewolf connected to a senator–or grenator, pick your poison–portrayed by Aunt Zelda from the old Sabrina the Teenage Witch show. As this represents the midseason finale, one expects something of import to occur, and while there is a cliffhanger, it’s a lot more bequeathing of rescue
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Home is Where the Hurt is”/”Never on Sunday”

Ronnie: Welcome to yet another edition of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, the weekly but kinda slightly into monthly because we’re lazy fucks look at the 1990s most popular superhero show. No, not Night Man, Lois & Clark. We’re well into the engagement phase of the titular relationship in Season 3 here, and
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Deliver The Profile Episode 242: Filler! Sweet, Beautiful Filler

It’s a great sign for Criminal Minds: Evolution that the fourth episode of ten is inconsequential garbage, as opposed to consequential garbage. Home invasions, dark passengers played by guys from Prison Break, dead security guards, cancer scares, it’s all a smorgasbord of shit. How do Ronnie and Jazz keep themselves entertained? That’s for you to
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Deliver The Profile Episode 241: Doggone it

In this episode, the unsub of the season gets a canine companion, loses his job, is called a beta cuck and is forced to subscribe to some magazines. Everything’s very busy for Sicarius, so much so that the BAU contending with a bomber never really resonates. “Moose” is more about the antagonist, the boring, cliched
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Deliver The Profile Episode 240: Devolution

Here it is, what you’ve all been waiting: (nearly) 4 hours of Deliver The Profile devoted to the new season of Criminal Minds, Season 16/Evolution. Who’s back? Who isn’t? Who looks like shit? Who doesn’t have to wear a wig anymore? The BAU is in disarray with the characters scattered to the winds, just as
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Super Mann”/”Virtually Destroyed”

Chris: We get a lot of letters, here at Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie. We get a lot of letters, we get a lot of emails, we get phone calls, text messages, direct messages, video messages and Tiktoks. We get people coming up to us on the street, interrupting meals at restaurants, even
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