Popular articles by RonnieGardocki
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Deliver The Profile Episode 84: Level Three and Shit
Morgan Madness trundles onward as Ronnie and Jazz finish up the missing cousin storyline introduced in last episode’s “Big Sea” with this episode’s “The Company”. How was the initial investigation botched so badly? Why doesn’t Morgan’s mother make an appearance? Is JJ a better character when she’s mean? All these and more will be answered
Deliver The Profile Episode 83: Party of Two
Season 6’s “Big Sea” is so bad, so full of Rachel Nichols, that the hosts spend most of their time talking about 90s television shows, from Party of Five to The Crow: Stairway to Heaven. It’s a rough one, people, and Morgan Madness shows no signs of stopping. Here Morgan has to contend with his
Deliver The Profile Episode 82: Have You Heard, The Tale Of Morgan Being Molested?
The first Deliver The Profile episode of the new year covers “Restoration”, a Season 8 episode that continues the saga of Morgan getting molested. If you like men with their pants down, Rango and phony conversions to Islam, this is the episode for you.
Law & Ordocki Season 3 #4 (#23): Who’s MINDing The Store?
Besides its focus on sex crimes, Special Victims Unit differentiates itself from Law & Order by lending more screentime to the characters’ personal lives. It’s a nice midway point between the threadbare nature of Law & Order‘s personal storylines (Briscoe’s daughter being murdered and him getting revenge took place over the course of about four
Law & Ordocki Season 3 #3 (#22): Gibbon Me A Break!
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit was always sensationalistic. It’s understandable; stories about sex crimes can easily become tawdry and prurient in a repressed country such as this, and true to temptation, they regularly became such on the show. As the show goes on, there’s a tendency to want to top oneself. Bigger rapes, crazier
Deliver The Profile Episode 81: Morgan Got Molested
In our Christmas episode, Deliver The Profile talks about that time Morgan got molested. “Profiler Profiled” forces Shemar Moore to stretch his acting talents to their limit and the results are not pretty. When not trying to spin comedy gold out of child molestation, Ronnie and Jazz discuss the Blair Witch, exchange Christmas presents and
Ronnie Gardocki Holiday Humor #2: Pottersville
The horror, the horror… What stoked my interest in Pottersville was primarily the poster; within it were horrors of Photoshop that are oft discussed but rarely witnessed. Nothing is congruent and each actor’s clothing and demeanor raises more questions. Is Michael Shannon wearing a sweater for his shirt or is that a strange apron-like device?
Deliver The Profile Episode 80: Petulant Whining
In Episode 80 of the show, Ronnie and Jazz discuss “True Night”, the story of Frankie Muniz drawing comic books that happen to depict actual murders. Is he the unsub? Of course he is! Fans of Frankie Muniz be warned, the hosts are not kind to him or his attempts at dramatic acting. Wolf and
Ronnie Gardocki Holiday Humor #1: Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas
The Christmas season means myriad things to people. For some, it’s time to reflect on one’s faith. Others, it’s time spent with loved ones. With me, it means in addition to the usual bullshit I watch I also check out holiday movies and holiday specials of television shows. I’ve missed the window for becoming a
Deliver The Profile Episode 79: The Road Warrior
Deliver The Profile continues their look at almost decent episodes of Criminal Minds with the Mitch Pileggi starring “Normal”. Along the way, Ronnie and Jazz make fun of Australia, Jay Leno and bemoan the delay of The Weinstein Company’s film Polaroid.
Law & Ordocki Season 3 #2 (#21): John Stamos is the Modern Day Montezuma
Hello again. I would like to first apologize for the length between last column and this one. I had a disastrous computer failure in which my almost completed piece on the SVU episode “Choreographed” was lost without a trace. Yes, I learned my lesson, which is to back up multiple times even when in mid-sentence.
Deliver The Profile Episode 78: Ronnie Is Dying
Talk about Season 1’s “The Popular Kids” is derailed as Ronnie cannot keep from coughing. We apologize for the shorter than usual episode and hope the fact that the first 18 minutes are about Nicholas Brendon’s latest run in with life compensates at least a bit.
Deliver The Profile Episode 77: Our Last Korea Show For A While
We should’ve never spent three consecutive episodes in Korea. I’m sorry. This is the last one for a while. Beyond Borders’ “Pretty Like Me” isn’t pretty but does confirm to us that Koreans LOVE plastic surgery. Simmons searches for his Korean grandma and we don’t care.
Deliver The Profile Episode 76: A Real Dog of an Episode
Two hours of “entertainment” for you this week! The second episode of Korean Criminal Minds picks up where the last left off, with Ha Sun-woo was run over by a car and an unsub on the loose. Throughout the multiple hours, Ronnie and Jazz discuss Tru Calling, Early Edition, whether it’s good or not to
Deliver The Profile Episode 75: 75 Years Of Laughs!
It’s the 75th episode spectacular, people, and have we got a surprise for you. DELIVER THE PROFILE IS COVERING THE FIRST EPISODE OF KOREA’S CRIMINAL MINDS ADAPTATION. Listen to hosts Ronnie and Jazz struggle to pronounce Korean names multiple times! Thrill as they learn the stark differences between the North and South! But really, just
Deliver The Profile Episode 74: Are You A Bobby Or A Sven?
It’s season finale time for Criminal Minds’ tenth year, but that doesn’t mean Deliver The Profile is taking any time off. Besides the delay for this episode caused by a power outage, of course. “The Hunt” puts Jennifer Love Hewitt’s very own niece-daughter in danger and serves as a swan song to a character the
Law & Ordocki Season 3 #1 (#20): Another Fucking Year Of This Shit
Wow, it’s really been over a year since I last wrote about this? Jesus. Well, uh, expect a slightly more regular schedule from now on… then again, it’s like it can get worse, right? The eras of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit can be broadly delineated into three: the golden era (Seasons 1-6), in
Deliver The Profile Episode 73: Zart
In the Deliver The Profile episode covering Criminal Minds’ penultimate Season 10 episode, “Protection”, Ronnie reviews the bootleg Night Man DVD set he bought at a comic book convention, the hosts give each other space names, and a piece of trivia leads to what Ronnie calls “the single most hilarious death I’ve ever read about”.
Deliver The Profile Episode 72: Thomas Gibson in: “Shinkicker”
“Broken Mirror” is an early episode of Criminal Minds, and it might be the best episode of the show? It definitely isn’t the best episode of the podcast – there’s some audio issues and Ronnie is even lower energy than usual. But if you make it through the thing you’ll get to hear about identical
Deliver The Profile Episode 71: Gods of Combutt
This episode of Deliver The Profile, covering Season 8’s “The Wheels on the Bus” has it all: discussions about video games, bad Nicholas Brendon impressions (are there any other kind?), ruminations on “the drinking days”, complaining about the Milwaukee Brewers and a CRAZY FAN THEORY that definitely should become true. Come on, it’s Criminal Minds
Deliver The Profile Episode 70: Freedom Legs
Ronnie and Jazz barely talk about the Beyond Borders episode “The Lonely Heart” because there’s really not that much to talk about. Instead they review Walter Hill’s The Assignment, discuss the implications of the planet of the apes and resolve to not cover another episode of Beyond Borders for a while.
Deliver The Profile Episode 69: Behind Jerry Orbach’s Eyes
After a nearly month long hiatus, Deliver The Profile is back to talk about one of their favorite topics: Jerry Orbach’s eyes. That’s because the episode “Anonymous” is about a man trying to kill his way through the organ donor process. Meanwhile, Rossi’s Vietnam buddy dies and we all pretend to be sad. Jazz’s taste
Deliver The Profile Episode 68: 68
Episode 200, folks! No, not of the podcast, but the show. Criminal Minds. It’s an extravagant affair that contains guest appearances, flashbacks and someone threatening to rape a main character. But that’s not all the boys discuss! There’s the creation of a PODCAST BEEF, an exploration into how Louis C.K.’s sex crimes could be mitigated,
Deliver The Profile Episode 67: Cleveland Rocks!
Deliver the Profile is back to its regular schedule after a series of irritating delays. Returning to the Ballad of Joe Mantegna’s Vietnam Buddy, “The Road Home” is also about a homeless vigilante raising hell in Drew Carey’s Cleveland. Witness him gun down drug manufacturers, wife beaters, joggers and all the rest of society’s detritus.
Deliver The Profile Episode 66: Vietnam Veterans Were Babies
A summary of the episode we watched for this edition of the podcast: “A trip among the homeless inspires Rossi to finish his dedication page”. Expect a LOT of jokes about the homeless. If you are homeless and are offended by this podcast, please write in and explain why you are able to listen to
Deliver The Profile Episode 65: Mr. Ded
Jazz killed a woodchuck and that means everybody has to talk about an episode of Suspect Behavior, “Devotion”. Witness the first meeting between Sam Cooper and Penelope Garcia! Learn the importance of DC City Council races! Who has a secret family? Who DOESN’T want a secret family?
Deliver The Profile Episode 64: Chuck & Buck & Caleb & Harvey
Deliver The Profile heads to San Francisco with “True Genius”, which is either about a return of the Zodiac Killer, Reid’s career woes or a one-sided homosexual love affair. To be fair, any story set in San Francisco is usually one of those things. The hosts get into why the show bringing up a real
Deliver The Profile Episode 63: Suspect the Behavior
It’s been a while since we headed into Spinoff City, population 2, and for good reason: they make vanilla Criminal Minds look good by comparison. Episode 5 of 2011’s disasterpiece Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior has the non-team team track down a bomber who suffered a horrible loss. Ronnie and Jazz cope with the horrible loss
Deliver The Profile Episode 62: ADIDAL (All Day I Dream About Lillard)
Lillard fever grips the Deliver The Profile basement studio as the podcast talks about Season 8’s “The Apprenticeship”! Why does a mustache make Wing Commander actor Matthew Lillard so much creepier? Is it possible to set an episode in Florida that doesn’t devolve into Dexter references? Why the hell does Reid have to play on
Deliver The Profile Episode 61: Shitty Episode, Bad Job!
We fucked up with this one, boys and girls. The episode about “The Perfect Storm” was recorded during a storm, and for some reason during some lightning strikes the equipment fucked up and we lost several minutes of audio. You’ll know it when the Deltron 3030 instrumental starts up. Rather than record a whole new
Deliver The Profile Episode 60: My Dinner With Reid
In this episode of the podcast, it’s a battle of Reid’s and Aubrey Plaza’s wills as they have a dinner/hostage negotiation in the culmination of the Season 11 hitman storyline you never cared about in the first place. What’s Reid’s problem this time? Why can the writers never come up with a female motivation better
Deliver The Profile Episode 59: Blood Swappin’
Ronnie and Jazz cover perhaps their favorite kind of Criminal Minds episode, the mad scientist episode with “Future Perfect” from Season 11. Someone in Florida is conducting medical experiments to keep the elderly alive and it involves blood swappin’, animal DNA and meeting coeds at cemeteries. It’s a great jumping off point for discussion which
White Power: Saban’s Power Rangers
Not a dream! Not a hallucination! Not an imaginary story! Ronnie and Jazz went to the cinema and wound up wasting hours of their lives on Power Rangers, from the same people who brought you Big Bad Beetleborgs and Ninja Turtles: The New Mutation! Why is this Power Rangers without Power Rangers? Where’s the fat
Deliver The Profile Episode 58: Dirtworld
On this dark and stormy night (of recording), Deliver The Profile goes back to Season 3 to tackle “Identity”! It’s got a killer who blows himself up in the opening credits, a copycat, an obstinate group of Montanans and manifesto torture videos so shocking it gets Garcia to finally shut the fuck up for once.
Deliver The Profile Episode 57: The Evils of Marijuana
With Season 8’s “The Pact”, Ronnie argues that the world might as well end. The rest of the podcast isn’t that dark, but it’s still a joyless affair as the hosts try to decipher this tale of Kim Wayans and MacKenzie Phillips as vigilants intent on dragging the guilty until they’re skinless bags of guts
Deliver The Profile Episode 56: The Sound of One Hand Killing
It’s the Seaspn 8 premiere, introduction to Prentiss replacement #1 and the series’ first season long arc unsub! But more importantly, we’ve got s disabled unsub, so it’s time to get woke and admit a deaf serial killer can do anything another serial killer can do, perhaps more. Sorry this description is so short and
Deliver The Profile Episode 55: Eat Box
A black guy who looks like The Commish complains about his house being egged. A woman accuses Hotch and Jennifer Boobs Hewitt of not having children. An alcoholic Christian dad forbids his children from going trick or treating because it will make them fat. All these elements and more are included in Season 10’s “Boxed
Deliver The Profile Episode 54: Don’t Breathe, Please, I Guess
Mwah! It’s the Valentine’s Day episode of Deliver The Profile and that means more women getting murdered for the sin of being women interested in sexual activity! We trek to the exotic location of Madison, Wisconsin to find low-risk women (not whores) dead from choking. Is it an unsub, a popular new “novel” or both?
Deliver The Profile Episode 53: Two Days One Night
Those expecting a stellar episode may be disappointed because recording was derailed continually by Ronnie’s coughing. So much so the episode had to be stitched together from recording sessions that took place over two days. Be glad the episode is coherent as it is because it could’ve been a lot worse. The coughs could’ve stayed
Deliver The Profile Episode 52: 1-800-SUICIDE
The boys are finally back from holiday break and they start off with a doozy: it’s another Beyond Borders, “Whispering Death”! In Tokyo, Americans are killing themselves, and the team thinks it’s a serial killer, because only the Japanese love suicide. This episode bears that out and Ronnie and Jazz talk about all sorts
Talkin’ ‘Bout Turtles 3: We Wish You Go To Hell
It’s the holiday season, and since the boys blew through all the Criminal Minds holiday episodes, that means it’s time to see how the Ninja Turtles were crowbarred into the season! Why would anyone want to watch the Turtles sing? Why is Leonardo a racist now? What the hell is Splinter? Also: your hosts open
Deliver The Profile Episode 51: Episode 50
Listen as Ronnie and Jazz do their best to talk about anything other than Season 2’s “P911″! They talk crash test dummies, they talk Maury, they talk about a lot of issues that distract from the episode’s gross pedophilia. Who gives a fuck if Elle is back at work? Is this Katie Cole meant to
Deliver The Profile Episode 50: Making Good Time
You’ve been waiting for it: Ronnie and Jazz talk shit about Martin Luther King Jr. Er, wait, no, start again. You’ve been waiting for it: Episode of 50 of Deliver The Profile! It’s a lavish affair; Jazz is drinking a beer and Ronnie is drinking tap water. “If The Shoe Fits” is about a woman
Deliver The Profile Episode 49: Killing Anubis
It’s time to die, or more accurately time to do an episode of everyone’s least favorite spinoff, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders! This one takes us to Egypt, and wouldn’t you know it, there are camels, pyramids and the Sphinx. And gays! “Denial” raises so many questions. Why the fuck are they assaulting viewers with an
Deliver The Profile Episode 48: Utah Jazz
In an unfocused (to say the least) episode, Ronnie and Jazz mostly talk about sex but occasionally manage to discuss Season 7’s “A Family Affair”. The unsub is in a wheelchair, so he’s of course compared to our most well-known wheelchair celebrities. All this and more!
Deliver The Profile Episode 47: Bowling Ball!
On this episode of the podcast, Ronnie and Jazz talk about Season 3’s “Tabula Rasa”, a yarn about a serial killer who suffers from amnesia. It also contains flashbacks to when Morgan wore a suit to work and Reid was a premature irritating genius. Much is discussed, from the inanity of brain fingerprinting to how
Deliver The Profile Episode 46: Trump Death Race
Deliver The Profile will never be the same, because all Trump references will now be preceded by either President-Elect or President. It’s a wonder the hosts haven’t killed themselves. Well, they have a job to do, and that’s to talk about the Season 11 premiere of Criminal Minds, “The Job”. There’s a new profiler, a
Deliver The Profile Episode 45: Election Special
Election! Election! Election! You’re tired of hearing about it, but Deliver The Profile is adding to the overload by covering “Face to Face”, a Season 1 episode of Night Man! What’s Night Man? Why is the Criminal Minds podcast covering it? What does it have to do with the election? These are all important questions
Deliver The Profile Episode 44: Oklahoma City Krang
It’s okay, we’ll get through another fucking Suspect Behavior episode (this one? the much promised snipe off, “One Shot Kill”). Tangents dominate more than usual, with a lot more discussion of Osmosis Jones than anyone ever asked for. Learn how military drafts soldiers, whether or not Harry Potter believes in vaccinations, and what the term
Deliver The Profile Episode 43: The OC Disorder
Deliver the Profile is back to talk about the second ever episode of Criminal Minds, primarily to determine whether or not Gideon got shot after the pilot’s cliffhanger. Spoilers: he’s not. But there’s all sorts of things of importance and merit here, such as the introduction of JJ (she was ALWAYS superfluous), a Nine Inch