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Deliver The Profile Episode 210: Last Gasp of Relevancy

Well, BAU Disassembled ends with the cast cast to the four corners of the Earth. Reid is teaching, Rossi is helping out on a film set, Lewis is helping out Mulder and Scully in couples counseling (no really), and Prentiss is on the rat squad. What could force the team back together? Well, a contrivance
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: Superman & Lois

Ronnie: Welcome to a special edition of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie. Why special, you ask? Well, in this one we don’t talk about episodes of Lois & Clark at all. Instead we’re training our eyes on the current Superman show on the air, Superman & Lois to see how the two compare
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Deliver The Profile Episode 209: Binda

The penultimate entry of BAU Disassembled occurs as “Annihilator” sees Linda Barnes (Binda) go out into the field to mess things up for the gang. A house of roommates and their companions are slaughtered. Who did it? Who cares, really, as the case is a means to an end: showing Binda is incompetent. Ronnie and
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Barbarians at the Planet”/”The House of Luthor”

Chris: Well friends, here we are, at the end of the first lap of our journey through comic book television history called Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie. And I don’t know about you all, but I’m no closer to answering the questions posed in our first entry than I was then. What is
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Deliver The Profile Episode 208: You Can’t Fire Me I Quit

A-plot: Corpses are piling up in N’Awlins, the city that encourages all manner of vice up until the point of addiction. B-plot: Prentiss goes to the principal’s office. Exciting sounding, doesn’t it?

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Vatman”/”Fly Hard”

Ronnie: At Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, we take our responsibility to the reader seriously. That means no breaks, except that one we did around Thanksgiving. But other than that, we’re like the postal service, rain, sleet, or snow, we’ll deliver you some hot takes on old television. This time out we’re doing
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Deliver The Profile Episode 207: The XMas Spectacular

Ronnie and Jazz review “Cure”, part 1 of BAU Disassembled. Enjoy the holidays, whichever it may be!

 

Menom on Venom Episode 2: Spider-Man: No Way Home

It’s here! It’s finally here! We’re of course referring to the second episode of Menom on Venom, the occasional Deliver The Profile spinoff that deals with all things goopy and first personal plural usage. Since Venom DOES appear in the 138th MCU film, SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME, it is our sworn duty to give it
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Foundling”/”The Rival”

Chris:.The lights are starting to dim here at the Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie office as we prepare both for the biggest, most commercial, and therefore best holiday of the year, and begin winding down our coverage of the first season of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. The show enters
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Illusions of Grandeur”/”The Ides of Metropolis”

Ronnie: It’s a busy week for Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, as we have to contend with the world of magic as well as the world of computer viruses. But first, Superman interacts with geese in a new low for the show’s already stretched thin special effects budget. In suburbia, two kids find
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Deliver The Profile Episode 206: Some Sort of Slendered Man

Ronnie and Jazz must contend with the Slender Man before there was a Slender Man, also known as “The Tall Man”. What does it have to do with JJ’s long dead sister? Why should we care? Has this show’s effects budget been slashed to garbage or what? Finally: how offensive is this episode to what
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Kino Korner: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

The conventional wisdom has been that video game adaptations by and large suck. That does not mean they’re necessarily unsuccessful. If nothing else, the Resident Evil series has proven there is merit to marrying your leading lady, as Paul Widescreen Anderson has jostled up the ranks of Wife Guys. The films were also runaway successes,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 205: Werewolf Dentures

Monster Month(s) marches on when “Bad Moon on the Rise” hits Ronnie and Jazz like a hooked fish. But yes, this one is about a werewolf, and yes, this includes scenes in which the cast discuss werewolves. It may sound fun and whimsical, but it’s not. It’s stupid. It’s stupid like the rest of the
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Deliver The Profile Episode 204: Skull & Crossbones

With “Submerged”, Ronnie and Jazz deal with the most horrible scourge of all: pirates.

 

Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Afterlife

Why the fuck is the locus point of the culture war the movie Ghostbusters? That’s not rhetorical; I’d really like to know. For whatever reason, Ghostbusters: Answer the Call was a microcosm for the fight between liberal progress and reactionary forces. The movie’s quality was secondary to how it fit within a larger narrative that
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “All Shook Up”/”Witness”

Chris: Hey hi, welcome once again to Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, your one stop shopping destination for Lois & Clark analysis with as many Seinfeld references shoved in as possible. This week we’re covering episodes 11 and 12 of the first season, “All Shook Up” and “Witness”.  “All Shook Up” serves up
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Deliver The Profile: Kino Korner: Ghostbusters: Afterlife

Instead of doing a Criminal Minds this week, Ronnie and Jazz delve into the world of film with the worst of the year (so far), Ghostbusters: Afterlife! Why bring in Paul Rudd and make him a supporting character? Who wanted Ghostbusters gene slammed with The Goonies? Oh, you better believe it’s disrespectful to Howard “Bedazzled”
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Deliver The Profile Episode 203: Neon Demon (plus important Nicholas Brendon news)

Let’s start with the important stuff: Nicholas Brendon’s dick. Does it work or is it still under construction? Listen to find out. Then stick around for the part of the show that fulfills the podcast’s purpose, as the boys discuss “Neon Terror”. A media-obsessed unsub is killing people and taping them. Is it a not
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Pheromone My Lovely”/”Honeymoon in Metropolis”

Ronnie: Oh boy. Where do we begin? I suppose with the caveat that this is Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie again, our sixth look at the television series that brought Superman into the 90s. This is a rough and inexplicable episode that will require me to unpack it at length. Let’s start with
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Kino Korner: Eternals

Blame my idiot friends. I wasn’t going to see this until they coerced me, saying they wanted to read my review of such a thing. I was otherwise going to coast on the same 5 jokes I had about the film, namely that Gene Hackman was coming out of retirement to play “Bingus” and Sprite
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The Problem With Jon Stewart by Ronnie Gardocki and Dr. Daniel Daughhetee

The Problem with Jon Stewart invites a lot of easy jokes. “The Problem with Jon Stewart has a lot of problems”, “The Problem with Jon Stewart is Jon Stewart”, etc. Yet those tepid barely jokes you’ll see in the headlines of The Guardian are still funnier than anything in this show. Has anyone fallen from
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “The Green, Green Glow of Home”/”The Man of Steel Bars”

Chris: Oh hello, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in but please, have a seat. As it happens, you’re just in time for the latest instalment of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, the only series on the Internet brave enough to recap old episodes of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of
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Deliver The Profile Episode 202: “Adbominable”

Back to Beyond Borders as Ronnie and Jazz continue their month(s) of Boogeymen and Monsters. “Abominable” is about the team heading to Nepal to deal with a yeti attack. Or is it something more mundane? The answer will simultaneously amuse and enrage you.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “I’ve Got A Crush On You”/”Smart Kids”

Ronnie: Welcome to yet another installment of Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, your only Lois & Clark recap review article series with a title that parodies Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. What do we have on the docket for this one? Well, with “I’ve Got A Crush On You” both Lois
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Deliver The Profile Episode 201: Human Dog

Things start out pretty boring in Greece in “Pankration” until Ronnie and Jazz realize something: the unsub is using a human dog with which to fight foreigners to the death. How easy is it to train one of those human dog? Just watch Unleashed or Danny the Dog, folks, for more information.

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “I’m Looking Through You”/”Requiem for a Superhero”

Chris: Hey hi, and welcome back to Lois and Clark and Chris and Ronnie, a weeklyish column dedicated to evaluating mid 90’s superhero dramedy Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman through the prism of our superhero-soaked present. I’m Chris Ludovici, bitter late-stage Gen Xer and OG L&C fan revisiting the show for the
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Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Strange Visitor”/”Neverending Battle”

Ronnie: Hello and welcome to Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie, a weekly-ish effort to appraise Lois & Clark through a 2021 post-superhero boom lens. With these episodes, the second and third, we’re still not at what a “regular” episode of the show will look like, due to housekeeping required to set up Superman’s
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Deliver The Profile Episode 200: Alienating Our Audience

Two hundred episodes. Puppets. Need I say more?

 

Lois & Clark & Chris & Ronnie: “Pilot”

So Lois & Clark. It would be hard to make the case that Lois & Clark is a good show–it’s got too many glaring flaws for that–but could we say it’s charming? By charming, I mean it’s got some elements that work, but also that its limitations and failures also somehow make it endearing without
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Deliver The Profile Episode 199: The Ballad of Click and Clack

The Beyond Borders team goes to Cuba in “The Ballad of Nick and Nat”. Cuba is portrayed about you’d expect it to be portrayed as given this is a CBS show produced by Gary Sinise. As such, it’s one of the shorter episodes of the podcast because Ronnie and Jazz can’t make abject propaganda funny.
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Menom on Venom Episode 1: Venom: Let There Be Carnage

Welcome to MENOM ON VENOM, an occasional spinoff to DELIVER THE PROFILE! Hosts Ronnie and Jazz take apart the highly anticipated 2020 film Venom: Let There Be Carnage, the best 77 minutes you’ll spend in the movie theatres all year! Ronnie is a Venom expert, much to his dismay, and Jazz has seen the animated
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Deliver The Profile Episode 198: David Rossi 64

The Beyond Borders team goes to Italy to capture a REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLER WHO KILLED REAL PEOPLE and it’s fucking gross, even by this show’s standards. Thankfully, Italy gives Ronnie and Jazz plenty of material to work with, as “Il Mostro” features not only cast members from The Sopranos but actors doing terrible Italian
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Kino Korner: Dear Evan Hansen

In the year of our lord 2021 Rhymes With Nerdy is a clearinghouse for Law & Order reviews, comic book retrospectives, and apparently ill-advised addiction confessionals. That’s fine. It works. But what if we switched gears and wrote about something not even in the same zip code as the remit? I’m talking, of course, about
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Deliver The Profile Episode 197: Beyond Bordersdome

With the end of “Reid In Prison” comes a respite for the boys. Well, they still have to do Criminal Minds, but this time it’s the spinoff, Beyond Borders! The episode for this week takes them to Spain, and in “El Toro Bravo” Ronnie and Jazz as well as the IRT are dealing with a
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Law & Ordocki Season 5 #11 (#45): Boreganized Crime

Image inspired by Chris Ludovici. I think I hate Organized Crime more than I do Special Victims Unit, after only two episodes. Let me explain. SVU is terrible, yes, but it’s terrible in a way to which I’m accustomed. It’s like a pair of jeans one size too small; you can fit in them, but
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Deliver The Profile Episode 196: The End (Not Really)

We at Deliver The Profile reach the end…of the Reid in prison arc. This premiere raises more questions than it does answers. Such as: what does Mr. Scratch want? Which character dies, and does it happen to be the one whose actor is no longer in the main credits? Does Hotch come back? Can Paget
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Adventures in Bendisshitting #5: Siege by Ronnie Gardocki and Christopher Ludovici

Well, folks, we’re entering the home stretch of Adventures in Bendisshitting’s Marvel coverage. This is the culmination of everything Bendis has been doing arguably since Secret War, so everything he did after Siege can be considered as him running up the score. LeBron after he won it with Cleveland, Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl
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The Parasite

Next week is the fifth year anniversary of the day I stopped drinking. I’ve chosen not to write about that part of my life because frankly I was never that comfortable with the self-reflection necessary to write about oneself. But I figure if I am ever going to do it it may as well be
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Deliver The Profile Episode 195: Guble Me This, Batman

Here it is. The Season 12 finale. The penultimate installment of “Reid in Jail”. The second to last time you’ll hear the kickass Oz version of the theme. “Red Light” wraps up the Aubrey Plaza portion of the storyline and it involves impregnation, secret lesbianism and hallucinations to make a dramatic point aplenty. Aubrey Plaza
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Deliver The Profile Episode 194: Figrin D’an

We hit part 1 of the 2 part season finale of Season 12, “Green Light”! You know what that means: Reid in prison’s end is in sight. Beyond that, the show wraps up the Calvin Shaw “storyline”, Reid’s mom is missing and the true mastermind behind all this stands revealed. But Ronnie and Jazz are
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Deliver The Profile Episode 193: Nuclear Lunch Woman

It’s what you’ve been waiting for: the Walker focus episode! His friend, Hart Boechner, is in the hospital and it’s up to our newest addition to the BAU to figure out what ails his buddy. What does it have to do with Walker’s undercover work in Russia? Nothing, actually, but that won’t prevent Criminal Minds
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Deliver The Profile Episode 192: Aggrieved Science Fair Loser

Shit rolls on in “True North”, as there’s…no fallout from what Reid did last episode and in place of repercussions are a jaunt down to Arizona where people have been tied to stakes, adorned with shock collars and…look, it’s all very elaborate and stupid. We’ll get to it. This episode introduces The Aggrieved Science Fair
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Deliver The Profile Episode 191: Tollbooth Vampire

The title says it all: “Hell’s Kitchen” is about a tollbooth vampire who runs a tollbooth when he’s not out vampiring. We’ve done a lot of dumb Criminal Minds episodes, but this is definitely top 3, alongside the autistic kid one and the sinkhole one. Ratboy from Sons of Anarchy transforms into BATBOY. Ronnie and
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Deliver The Profile Episode 190: Third Life

No more Oz opening…for now! Yes, Deliver The Profile goes back to the before times when Reid was not in jail, just an ordinary FBI wunderkind. This time the case takes them to sunny who gives a shit, where two girls have been kidnapped. One of the fathers is more than he seems, and his
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Adventures in Bendisshitting Single: Bendis Confirms Iceman Is A Bachelor

Gay people. Corporations love their money, white women love stealing their culture that they in turn stole from black women, and people try to memory hole how homophobic culture was even 15 years ago. In comics, the queers have made significant strides in that same time span. No longer were comic book characters only pejoratively
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Law & Ordocki Season 5 #10 (#44): Jungle Fever

“WELCOME TO THE PEDO MOTEL”. Well, that’s certainly a title. Despite that, “Welcome to the Pedo Motel” is deliberately a low key affair, considering last week brought Elliot Stabler back into the mix and was the most consequential episode in years. I guess it’s to the show’s credit it remembers it has, you know, its
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Deliver The Profile Episode 189: Dr. Murder and Mr. Murder

In this shitpile we call an episode of Criminal Minds, somebody’s killing poachers by day and breaking into homes and killing people by night. Could they be connected? Probably. In other news, Reid is still in prison. Niles and Frasier are hassling him, and it looks as though Reid’s buddy Luis is not long for
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Deliver The Profile Episode 188: BONECRUSHER IS READY

Tatum O’Neal guest stars on this very special episode of Criminal Minds on this very routine episode of Deliver The Profile. “Assistance is Futile” takes the subversive tack of having a suspect’s mother come in out of the blue to tell the team her son’s the Bonecrusher they’re looking for. Reid is still in prison,
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Deliver The Profile Episode 187: NO NAAN

Ronnie and Jazz take a break from Reid in Prison to do a random Season 8 episode that isn’t very good. Someone is abducting nannies, raping and burning them with cigarettes. There’s a survivor but she won’t help the BAU, so it’s up to them to badger her into cooperating. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.
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Timspotting 2: He’s Dead, That’s The Way It Is

Timspotting returns! I don’t intend for this to be a regular thing, just something that crops up when happenings occur in the world of Tim Allen and his associated brands (Richard Karn, Buzz Lightyear, etc.). Well, there’s no bigger Timtality than the finale of Last Man Standing, his second sitcom and the photo negative of
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