Man of Steel was much more in tune with the type of representation I was looking for.  But it still seemed…off.  Snyder’s trademark tone of monochromatic costumes and sets, as well as the incessant use of slow motion and CGI porn, wore very thin.  And there were story elements I didn’t quite like, too.  It’s a mixed bag, and I’m more likely to change the channel when I see it on TV than I am to watch it.

Even the studio’s confidence in Man of Steel seemed thin as the announcement of a follow up came with the information that Batman would be joining the alien superhero.  It was given a release date and a logo before it even had a script.  This isn’t entirely unusual nowadays, but DC Comics movies have a rocky road behind them at best.  For every The Dark Knight there is a Green Lantern.

So I met every new development of this next film with, well, hate.  I hated everything I heard.  Another character seemed to be added every other day and I wondered how they would ever be able to service them in a satisfying way.  And I immediately concluded Warner Brothers was making an attempt to duplicate the success of other studios in a quick cash grab.

The two things I applauded were the two things met by most nerds with hesitation- the casting of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne/Batman and Gal Gadot as Diana Prince/Wonder Woman.  Well, and I suppose Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor.  I thought they were great choices for these characters.  And when I heard the plot actually dealt with the fallout and destruction from Man of Steel, I got a smidge optimistic.  Especially when Affleck collaborator Chris Terrio was brought in to polish and rewrite the script (which I hear Affleck also did while on set in costume).

But there were also things like the title- Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, which made it sound like a Law & Order spin-off, and the spoiling of Doomsday in the film’s trailer (though I did think it inspired he was supposedly created from the corpse of General Zod).  Speaking of the trailer, it served up more of the same thing that bothered me in Man of Steel- shitloads of slow motion, and enough CGI to make George Lucas blush.

So after all these month of bitching, and anticipation, and the endless tie-ins and commercials, and not dreading how they were going to mess this up, but how much…what did I think?

The fact that there is going to be an extended cut blu ray release of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is an example of exactly what is wrong with the movie in the first place.  That there could be more they feel would add to it is astonishing to me as the best possible thing to be done for the film is to excise material instead of putting in more.

I’d hoped that a movie featuring two of the biggest icons in comic book history would fall under the category of too big to fail, but it is precisely the size and scope and weight of its own material that causes BvS to do just that.  Instead of one satisfying movie, we are treated to about three different films, none of which get the room to develop enough for us to care about what they are trying to accomplish.

It is first and foremost a sequel to Man of Steel.  It is a Batman movie. And it is something trying to build up a cinematic universe in which numerous heroes will eventually band together to fight some as yet unseen threat.  BvS attempts to be epic and grand in the aspiration to accomplish all these things, but it ends up a colossal failure on all counts and left me wondering if this is how the DCCU would be approached whether it’s a world in which I want to even live.

It’s most successful at being a MoS sequel, picking up where the last film ended.  It explores Superman’s continuing heroics while exploring the ramifications of his very existence and the consequences of his previous actions.  Unfortunately that sentence describes it more aptly than the film portrays it.  There’s also a new bad guy in the form of Lex Luthor, this time a calculating Zuckerberg-like entrepreneur who isn’t as smart as he thinks he is but is far more menacing than previous versions that cast him as a guy who really likes real estate.

The Batman movie here is pretty interesting in its own right, and if it were left to its own devices in a separate film it’d be one I want to see.  Old Bruce Wayne, who is getting on in years, is concurrently doing some detective work around his home turf of Gotham while also trying to find some kind of defense against the new alien on the planet Earth.  Trusty butler Alfred is around to build and fix stuff, and fears the defensive measures are going to be used for offense, and his once young charge is turning into the type of thing he used to rail against.

The least compelling of all the plot threads in BvS is the world building scenario that seems tacked on more than anything.  It’s a shame, because as a comic book fan I shouldn’t feel the appearance of other heroes as being a tedious exercise, but I did.  This is the story where one of the highlights of the movie unfortunately resides in the appearance of the one and only Diana Prince, aka Wonder Woman.  Her mission to recover something from Luthor introduces us to the concept of Metahumans in the film, and intersects her story with Batman.

While that might all sound interesting in theory, in practice it ends up a mish mash of ideas competing for screen time and coherency.  The MoS sequel suffers in that the main character is not the most interesting thing going on, the Batman story never gets its full due (despite once again taking the time to show us the death of Mr and Mrs Wayne- though, that’s done merely to come back as a ludicrous plot point later), and the Justice League prologue…well, to say SHOE-HORNED in would probably be an understatement.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things about each one of these stories that I really liked.  Just not here, just not this way.  And the issues with those stories are amplified by other creative choices I see in the film.  I take issue with the portrayal of the two title characters.  Yes, we’ve seen them this way before, but this is not the Batman or Superman of the collective conscious in pop culture.  These are imposter versions that are jarring to what’s happening instead of a novel approach.

Some would have you think this is how they are meant to be.  I don’t know what comics they’ve been reading, but, actually I do.  They’re apparently kneeling once again at the altar of Frank Miller.  It’s understandable, as in the time before the comic book movie craze brought a lot of these characters into the mainstream, the medium and its fans fought for legitimacy.  Comics were viewed as child’s play, and work like that of Frank Miller was what fans could point to to elevate what they loved to a better position.  But that version of things was the exception, not the rule to these characters, and not every interpretation needs to bear their mark to be any good.

The way in which Luthor is portrayed is closer to what I want to see but not played so…annoying.  In fact, most of the characters in the movie are annoying or so full of exposition they’re more just to keep the plot going.  There are a couple of exceptions to note, however.  Laurence Fishburne and Jeremy Irons do a terrific job to the point I’d rather see a movie about Perry White than Clark Kent, or Alfred than Bruce Wayne.  Lois Lane and Wonder Woman are also miles ahead of the caped heroes, but have some of the fewest minutes in this thing, and Lois’ name could easily be changed to Miss Plot Device, Superman’s humble servant.

A lot of the talk centers on the conflict between the two main personalities.  How’s the fight is the big question.  Well, it’s inconsequential, really.  It might say versus in the title, but it doesn’t take a Ben Carson to figure out they will at some point join forces, and be joined by a better hero.  And that fight, hinted at in the trailers, between the “Trinity” and Doomsday (whose other credits include being a cave troll in Lord of the Rings) is one of the worst fights I’ve seen in a comic book movie.

Among a blaring soundtrack and blinding special effects it’s essentially Superman and WW bulldozing into the creature while Batman distracts him.  Side note- somehow in cacophonous noise Superman hears Lois Lane (ahem, Ms. Device) underwater just in time to save her.  Spoiler alert, I guess.  I’ve got nothing against special effects, but there’s enough here to warrant a seizure warning, and quite honestly the effects just aren’t that good.  I had the same feeling to the CGI in MoS, and I was worried when I saw the over exaggerated images of the trailers.  The images are no better than a video game come to life, except the sad thing is I’ve seen video games with better graphics.

After leading up to a conclusion the movie (and the franchise) hasn’t yet earned, don’t worry- no spoiler, we have more epilogues than The Return of the King.  So the ending that could have accomplished some sort of catharsis in the audience is cheapened by unnecessary shit.  Once more people see the movie, I’d like to go line by line and make a list of just all the things that should be edited from the final cut of BvS.  If I had the chops I’d do it myself like those fans that re-edit the Star Wars prequels.  I guarantee I could make a much more pleasing, at least passable, film than has been released to us.

To sum it up: It’s not that it’s dark and gritty that’s an issue, or that it’s not fun and light like other movies.  It’s not that it has serious themes to it.  It’s that it gets bogged down trying to do so, and seems preoccupied with it instead of telling the story.  It’s becoming a hallmark of these movies to favor style over substance. Dark does not translate to complex, gritty does not create meaning.  Knowing these characters as I have nearly my entire life, this is not the World’s Finest.

As always the images used i this review do not belong to us, they were on the Internet and looked pretty.  We’re allergic to litigation.

A few months ago I had decided I would buy the movie ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ on DVD.  I hadn’t seen it for years, and only sort of liked it, but it was $5 at Target.  Fast forward to Wednesday night of this week, and I finally had it in hand.  I was way too excited for a movie I thought was just okay, but I really wanted to watch it again.  The big reason the movie even warrants a second look is the amazing actors who bring the adapted material to life.  One of those actors is, of course, Alan Rickman.  Rickman portrayed the robot Marvin, and brought some of the biggest laughs to the film version of the famous story.

Imagine the feeling I get the next morning, the morning after I purchase this movie based on the merits of one of the performers, to find out that he died.  As I’m driving into work Thursday morning, a mere 12 hours after getting my $5 DVD, I find out Alan Rickman has lost his battle with cancer at the age of 69.  I can add the news to the very few times I’ve heard similar stories about famous people where I actually felt like I was punched in the gut.  His death is an extreme loss to the worlds of stage and screen, and for the very reason that I was persuaded to buy a movie that only sort of like.

Rickman elevated everything he was in by just being there.  He gave things a gravitas they wouldn’t have with another actor.  No matter how crude, how pedantic, or even how well done the material was, he made it better.  And he seemed to make everyone around him look good in the process.  Do you remember a little movie called ‘Dogma?’  It was a controversial movie about religion written and directed by Kevin Smith.  Rickman played Metatron, a Seraphim (the HIGHEST of angels), and provided plenty of comedy relief as a grumpy curmudgeon, as well as the most touching scene in the whole film, too.

Perhaps best known to the older people as Hans Gruber from ‘Die Hard,’ and the young kids as Severus Snape from ‘Harry Potter,’ Rickman had a wide audience in the film world.  In the former of those films, he played a villain who was hard to top in sequels and other action movies, and in the latter brought to life what could possibly be the most tragic character in all of JK Rowling’s imagination.  But there were two movies of his that stand out to me, and that I count among my favorite films of all time.

The first?  ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.’  Didn’t see that coming did you?  I know it gets a lot of hate, but I love it.  I even forgive the lack of English accent by Kevin Costner.  But it was Rickman’s performance that stood out as one of the things that made me love the movie (aside from the Michael Kamen score).  His Sheriff of Nottingham was deranged and comical, and Rickman pulled off the balancing act the part required when most actors would have been far too campy to give the character any real menace.

Second one…’Galaxy Quest.’  For a Star Trek fan like myself, this lampooning of that franchise seemed more an homage or out of love than it did a ruthless skewering or indictment.  I like ‘Galaxy Quest’ so much I still think they should make an actual show like the one featured in the movie.  Rickman played actor Alexander Dane, who played NSEA Protector crew member Dr. Lazarus, an honorable member of an honorable alien race with catchphrase and all.  Dane hated every minute of having to live up to and inside this legacy he was a part of.  Then, like many Star Trek actors, Dane comes to find out just what the show means to the people who watch it and avenges the death of an alien fan.

Not sure how to end this one.  I guess I’ll just say it sucks to lose such a great actor and someone who seemed to be a great guy.  So far 2016 can suck a big one when it comes to awesome famous people leaving us, and hopefully this is the last for a while.  Now, instead of watching ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ because of Rickman, I’ll watch it in honor of him.

As always…we don’t own the photos, just used them.  They’re wonderful photos/screenshots/whatever.  No litigation necessary.

Sometimes life is a big old bag off shit.  That’s actually the most congenial way to put it.  Sometimes, life is an awesome cornucopia of kindness, generosity, and compassion.  Unfortunately there are many times you need the manure of life’s downs to grow the flowers that are life’s ups.  We need the shit to fully realize how much good there can be on this planet.  In recent months we have unfortunately, and then fortunately, been witness to both.

In my last column I put out a few examples of how nerds can be a bunch of whiny, derogatory asshats that make it so we can’t have nice things.  But in the last couple of months there has been at least one shining example of how great the nerd community can be.

In July of this year, Star Wars fan Daniel Fleetwood was given two months to live as a result of a rare cancer called spindle cell sarcoma (a cancer of the connective tissue in the body).  Like many nerds might in his situation, he feared he wouldn’t get to see the next Star Wars movie.  This is an all too familiar feeling among the fan community, especially when dealing with a franchise that is planned out years in advance.  Even in the case of Star Wars, people joked they hoped they didn’t die before the completion of the prequels.  There was even a movie, ‘Fanboys,’ that dealt with a terminally ill friend who wanted to see ‘The Phantom Menace’ before he died.

But Daniel’s situation was not a joke.  It was not a what if.  It was not a movie.  It was reality, and a harsh one.  One that I hope was made better by a campaign to grant him his dying wish, and allow him to see the next Star Wars film, ‘The Force Awakens’, as soon as possible before he was no longer able.  By all accounts, Daniel was past his prognosis, and could go any time.

http://www.thewrap.com/star-wars-fans-dying-wish-to-see-the-force-awakens-early-receives-new-hope/

In an age when that thing known as the Internet can be a wasteland of hate and despair, this was an instance of something good that can come from a community of nerds connected.  I don’t know how the campaign started, you can Google that for yourself, but fans and celebrities used social media to get Daniel a screening of the movie.  Star Wars actors Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Daisy Ridley among many more showed their support.  Every day Joes tweeted #ForceForDaniel.  And it worked. Daniel saw ‘The Force Awakens’ before any other fans.

http://www.thewrap.com/star-wars-force-awakens-daniel-fleetwood-dying-fan-early-screening/

But of course, some endings are bittersweet.  Not long after Daniel saw the film, he died.

http://www.thewrap.com/daniel-fleetwood-first-star-wars-fan-to-see-the-force-awakens-dead-at-32/

I meant to write this at the time of his death, but decided to save it.  These columns with the new movie at their center had quite a bit of negativity at their centers, despite a lot of good, and I wanted to make sure there was some positive vibes.  I like when I can stand loud and proud with other members of fandom and show others what kind of people nerds really are.

I didn’t know Daniel.  I don’t know his widow, or his family, or any of his friends.  I couldn’t tell you if he was an all around good guy or if people thought he was a dick (though, I doubt it).  On the face of it, he was a hash tag and a collection of photos on the Internet.  In reality, he was a fellow fan whose story reached a lot of people, struck a chord in more than just Star Wars fans, and brought together a community that can easily be divided by the most petty of creative choices.

The same folks who complain about a black guy playing a white character, or all leather outfits for the X-Men, or mechanical versus organic web shooters, are the same people who rallied together to help convince a global conglomerate, filmmakers, actors, etc to grant the wish of a single dying fan.  This is an example of fandom at its best, and it makes me proud to be a nerd.  It’s an odd thing when one is choked up by the experience of a complete stranger, and the actions of other strangers for his or her well being.  But the more I eulogize someone I’ve never met, I find a lump in my throat.

As if there weren’t enough thoughts and feelings going into the opening of a movie, I will watch ‘The Force Awakens’ with slightly more meaning, a bit more emotional weight, and a deeper sense that these are not just movies.  Daniel will most likely be in my thoughts at one point or another, and I doubt I’m alone.

Who better to give some words of wisdom than Yoda?  Here’s what he might have to say on the matter:

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.”

“For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.  Life creates it, makes it grow.  Its energy surrounds us and binds us.  Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

Daniel…May the Force be with you. Always.

http://www.thewrap.com/star-wars-fan-daniel-fleetwoods-widow-posts-touching-tribute-video/

None of the photos used are property of Rhymes With Nerdy.  Though, in our defense, one of our own was going to make a Force Ghost Daniel.  As you can see, someone did a heck of a job before we could.  Kudos to that person.  Please, PLEASE, don’t sue.

I love being a nerd.  I love getting together with my nerdy friends.  It’s awesome talking nerdy things.  And when the subject goes to other, non-nerd topics, I find most nerds are of a like mind on many of them.  I’ve also found that many nerds, because of their experiences with non-nerds, are generally a very welcoming and kind sort of folk.  Nerds have felt the sting of being alienated in some fashion and usually reluctant to do the same to others.  Usually.

Unfortunately, there are some nowadays who have taken things a little too seriously.  They act as though things are sacred when they are clearly not.  Nerds, geeks, and dorks lash out at those that attack the things they love.  It’s not entirely their fault, though.  I get where some of them feel they are in the pecking order, and it sucks.  We also seem to live in a society in which everyone plays the victim, and everything is a cause.

The times are a-changing, which is good.  But they need to a-change a little bit more.  While pop culture at large has seemed to embrace many of the properties, franchises, and characters nerds hold dear, the people in those fandoms don’t feel as embraced many times and even resentful that others feel they can have any sort of claim on their favorite pieces of entertainment.

The release of ‘The Force Awakens’ has brought out some of the ugliness that can exist in nerd (and pop) culture, and I’d like to address a few of them now.  We have nerds on the offensive, going overboard in the defense of Star Wars.  We have nerds who cling to largely traditional ideas of race and gender because of how they have previously been portrayed in Star Wars and other properties.  It is the Dark Side of fandom…

From the moment the first teaser trailer for ‘The Force Awakens’ graced computer and movie screens, one thing had nerds freaking out.  And it wasn’t a good freaking out.  It wasn’t an ‘Oh, that was awesome!’ Or ‘Look at that sweet thing/guy/girl/creature!’  It was ‘Storm troopers aren’t black!’  To which I said, ‘Say what the f**k now??’

The entirety of the statement and what it represents is wrong for so many reasons, socially, and historically- in the real world and the realm of Star Wars.  First of all, the year is 2015 of our Lord.  It has been long established, to clue in the morons who didn’t already know, that black people are THE SAME as white people.  I really hope I don’t have to go into that any further, until the next racially bent casting choice is made.

Second, let me take you “nerds” to school.  The Imperial Army of Star Wars mythology began as a mass cloning operation to create the Grand Army of the Republic to battle the Trade Federation and the increasing number of separatist forces and their droid armies built by the Geonosians.  The template for the clone army was the bounty hunter Jango Fett (played by Temuera Morrison), who was NOT a white fella.

At the end of the Clone Wars when the clone commanders and their troops executed Order 66 to kill all Jedi, that was the beginning of the end for them.  This was for several reasons, including some clones questioning Order 66 because of the loyalties forged in battle.  But two more practical reasons existed.  The first being the number of clones.  While the initial amount of clone troopers was more than sufficient, with at least two more batches on the way, there was no evidence of any additional cloning beyond that point.

Even if there were, the clones were the subject of accelerated aging to accommodate the needs of the Republic Army.  So in either case, clone troopers would need to be replaced as a result of aging, casualties of war, or the possibility no more were being made.  Once the Republic turned into the Empire, those numbers could be filled with citizens in the academy as storm troopers for the clones, and officers for the slain Jedi.  With the change of mentality and fear in the galaxy, it was the best chance for many people to have survived.  It goes without saying that in a collection of worlds as large as the Empire, there surely had to be SOME black folks, and odds are some of them were in the service of the military.

So yeah, a black guy can be a storm trooper.

As long as we’re on race, why don’t we address some gender stuff?  Mainly, merchandising.  In ‘The Force Awakens’ we obviously have a movie that has a strong female presence.  Not only does it mark the return of iconic Leia as played by the awesome Carrie Fisher, but newcomers Daisy Ridley as Rey (who is the focus of most of the marketing), and Gwendolyn Christie as Captain Phasma (a chrome storm trooper commander who has a sweet Boba Fett-like cape).  By all accounts they are awesome characters and a big step in the right direction for females in sci-fi/action type entertainment.

But there have been a few instances of really disturbing controversy surrounding products concerning the movie, and the lack of representation of obviously prominent female characters.  To save myself some typing, here’s some links to a few stories:

The first is about Captain Phasma and her outfit, and not being able to tell she’s female.

http://www.themarysue.com/star-wars-female-armor/

The next is about a Captain Phasma costume that wasn’t labeled as such.

http://www.themarysue.com/captain-phasma-for-boys/

And finally, how about a multi-pack of figures from the movie, excluding two main characters in favor of some generic troops?

http://www.themarysue.com/hasbro-wheres-rey-figures/

One thing we can all take comfort in is that in at least two of these cases, the transgression was called out if not even rectified as in the case of the costume on the Target website.  But nerds and consumers need to continue to call out these companies, that both produce TV and film as well as merchandise based on their productions.  There’s no reason we have to remain beholden to an old way of thinking that says women can’t be heroes to young boys.  There are too many Buffys, and Scarlet Witches, and now Reys and Phasmas for this to continue.

To conclude this particular entry, I want to touch on one really disturbing thing, as if the last few weren’t disturbing enough.  But this one is downright violent.  And not in principal, in practice.

http://www.ew.com/article/2015/11/25/fox-news-star-wars

It’s insulting to those of us who call ourselves fans and hold these things up as something to be loved and cherished.  The reaction shown sinks to their level and shows an ugly side to fandom.  It’s sad the actions of a few give the rest of us a bad name, and feed the kind of bull shit she and others have spewed.  And make no mistake, her assessment of Star Wars and the people who enjoy it is egregiously incorrect and uncalled for.  Not only that, but I would probably be safe she doesn’t hold these views to Star Wars fans alone.  I’ll wager she has an elitist view on most fans of most nerdy things.  But that’s not an excuse to threaten her with death.

All is not bleak, however.  For even after Anakin turned to the darkness, murdered a bunch of kids and helped Palpatine destroy the Jedi and establish the Empire, there were two twin children who were hidden away to grow up and later herald in an era of hope.  Such is the same in reality.  And that is the next episode of this particular saga.

p.s. – remember the column about spoilers?  They have apps for the Interweb to block them!  What has the world come to?

All the photos in this column are the property of other people.  They are fine photos, and the people they belong to should be flattered I used them here.  Please don’t sue us.

It almost feels like ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ is a giant Christmas presents to fans.  Hard not to feel that way when the picture opens up the week before the holiday.  And like all good children, everyone wants to know what’s in the box.  But at the same time we’re trying to save the surprise for Christmas morning.

It’s hard to stay free of plot points and story details in the Internet age, but folks are trying their hardest with ‘The Force Awakens.’  They face seemingly insurmountable odds to do so, however. We have the Internet, the people making the movie, the people marketing the movie, and those a-holes who somehow get to see a movie before the general public.

And I get it.  I do.  It’s kind of a special thing to go into a movie not knowing what’s going to happen.  In the historical case of Star Wars, how much impact would those movies have had if we knew Obi-Wan Kenobi would die on the Death Star, that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father (one big reason to not show your kids the prequels first), or that Luke and Leia were twins?  These are huge secrets to the plot of the original movies, and might not have remained so in today’s information age.

The effort to keep things under wraps can be a big selling point for a movie, but at the same time, the more you show the more it sells.  It’s the case whether people want to admit it or not.  Hollywood doesn’t do things just because; they do things that are calculated to make money, regardless of how much “art” is involved in a project.  When dealing with a $200 million dollar budget, and even more in the marketing, studios want to recoup their money and turn a profit as well.

Seems to me one of the biggest weapons is the legal document known as a nondisclosure agreement, or NDA.  They’re nothing new, and aren’t limited to show business.  But what these little puppies do is gag the signee so as to bind them legally from spilling any beans the studio wants to keep firmly in the can.  Should anyone who has signed an NDA spill said beans, they’re more than likely on the wrong end of a lawsuit.

There are many moving parts of a production, and it’s takes a lot of micromanaging to contain information.  From the various stages of making the movie to its release, spoilers have so many ways to leak out, and often do.  But beside NDA’s, there a few other ways of keeping secrets under wraps.

Throughout the various stages of the film making process, there are many measures used to ensure things don’t get out to the public.  Much of it boils down to a concerted effort on behalf of all the parties involved to put things in place to do so.  Of course there’s the NDA’s, but when a project starts the circle of people involved is relatively small.  As things get going, one way to keep things close to the vest is who sees how much of the script.

Often times cast and crew are only given certain parts of the script.  Obviously they are privy to scenes they are actively involved in shooting.  This way most people involved don’t have an overall picture of the project, so they can’t really give away anything because it’d be out of context.  There are also cases in which cast members don’t get pieces of a scene until just before they are ready to shoot, having to learn lines and direction very quickly.

Scripts can be coded, printed on special paper, and are probably both more often than not nowadays.  This security measure makes it far easier to detect where a spoiler may have come from. Did a script leak?  Whose script did it come from?  Take the appropriate legal action.

There are other methods in play, such as only select footage being shown to select people, confiscating of cell phones from cast and crew, using sheets and boards to mask characters and location from onlookers or paparazzi, and even going so far as to shoot scenes with as few people on set as possible.  Heck, back when ‘Empire Strikes Back’ was filming, very few folks were on the sound stage for the reveal of Vader’s secret on Bespin, and even then actor David Prowse spoke the line as “I killed your father” (Mark Hamill was let in on the true line, and acted appropriately in the scene).  When James Earl Jones recorded the dialogue in post-production the line was changed.

Prior to the release of a film, advanced screenings are tight ships as well. When critics get to finally see the movie they are subject to the same NDA’s as those who made the film.  Critics are also sometimes embargoed to keep their reviews until a certain date, and might not even see the movie in some cases until the day before or day off release.

Now back to those dastardly marketing departments, putting all the footage they want into a trailer or TV commercial to get you to see the movie.  But, as I said, can they really be blamed?  Fans think Star Wars sells itself, but that’s where many nerds have tunnel vision- there’s always a new fan to bring into the fold.  And a marketing juggernaut is behind every major release.  There are times the marketing budget rivals the production budget, which seems like digging your own grave when the movie has to recoup both and then make a profit.

Marketing can stumble, however.  I’m not sure to what degree most movies have over how they’re marketed, but you’d think some of the trailers that get released would need some kind of approval, and someone might say ‘hold on a minute.’  Earlier this year, the trailer for ‘Terminator:Genisys’ gave away what I would consider a HUGE spoiler when putting that movie in the context of the entire franchise.  Clips showed the villain of the movie was not only the character John Conner (up to that point in the lore the savior of all mankind), but he was now some kind of terminator himself.  Not something I’d have advertised, especially as the movie doesn’t offer a whole lot more anyway.

More recently, Batman v Superman finally put out a trailer, and did not tread lightly, going so far as to maybe even show the villain Doomsday to be a part of the film.  This had been rumored, but not confirmed, and I can’t say I see why it would be in a preview with the movie still so many months away.  Oddly, both ‘Terminator: Genisys’ and ‘Batman v. Superman’ are Warner Bros flicks.

Advanced footage of ‘The Force Awakens’ is being met with the same kind of reception from nerds we saw earlier in 2015 when ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ was released.  It seemed to be that every time there was a trailer or clip released, we heard the same things- quit showing so much, I’ve seen the whole movie, they’re giving everything away.  Whine, whine, whine.

Well, dammit, knock it off, nerds.  This crying spoiler alert crap is getting out of hand.  First of all, you’ve seen the whole movie?  Really?  Cause I’ve watched the super cut trailers of all the footage released for ‘The Force Awakens,’ and it’s just over six minutes long.  So unless they only show a star field for the rest of the movie, there’s about two hours and ten minutes to go.  There are whole characters we haven’t even seen.  Which brings me to the flip side of the spoiler coin.

Fans have been downright angry that with every promotional material released there hasn’t been so much as a glimpse of saga hero Luke Skywalker.  You remember him, don’t you?  The whiny brat who wanted adventure but was willing to just go get some power converters at Toshi Station?  The guy who found out his dad was the worst asshole in all the galaxy?  The Jedi who eventually toppled the Emperor by turning Vader back to the good side of the Force?  Yeah, THAT guy.  He has purposefully been kept off of even the poster for the movie. And fans are pissed?  Soooo….they want the filmmakers to show more, but not give things away?  Got it.

The following image, however, has been in most of the trailers, so much as even being shown during a voiceover where Luke refers to himself.  Though, and this goes to the point that we really don’t know for sure what’s being shown, I have for months run under the hypothesis that this character sitting fireside with R2-D2 is NOT Luke Skywalker.  Who is it?  I don’t know.  But he or she (and I’m leaning toward a she) is not quite the, um, size of our aged Jedi friend Luke.  As you can see by the next photo, which to my knowledge is the only possible photo of Luke from ‘The Force Awakens.’

Before I show the next photo…

It is a possible spoiler…

I guess…

So if you don’t want to see the image…

Quit reading…

NOW

Is this real?  I don’t know.  Is the guy in the photo with Artoo Luke?  I don’t know that either.  And that’s kind of my point.  For all the times spoilers can leak, there are a lot of things in place to make sure they don’t.  And they’re even more effective when you have a filmmaker like JJ Abrams at the helm, and a clear directive to keep intact some element of surprise.  No matter how many commercials there are, unless they tell you Rey is the kid of Han and Leia, there are no real spoilers.  Seeing Kylo Ren and Rey facing off in a forest is not a spoiler.  Seeing Finn hold a light saber is not a spoiler.  When these things are obviously taken out of context, there is no way to know anything about how they play into the larger movie, and thus cannot be a spoiler.  It’s like saying, ‘Dude, this movie takes place in a galaxy far, far away??  Spoiler alert! Gawd!”

That is honestly how dumb people sound. By the way…Han Solo dies.

Disclaimer about photos- we don’t own, we just Googled ‘em.  Please don’t sue us.  May the Force be with you.

My first memory of the original ‘Star Wars’ is seeing it on the Disney Channel (back when the station was a paid premium channel on your cable provider).  I vividly recall being in the living room standing or sitting in the La-Z-Boy watching Luke Skywalker’s land speeder glide across the desert terrain of his home world of Tatooine.

My first memory of ‘Return of the Jedi’?  When I was out sick from school.  It was released on VHS and we had a free rental.  I can remember being in the basement of the daycare I went to, huddled on the couch in a sleeping bag, watching the Ewoks take down the Empire.  I also remember the speeder bike chase, and the final moments of the confrontation between Darth Vader, his master Emperor Palpatine, and Luke Skywalker.

Oddly, I don’t remember the first or most memorable time I saw ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, my favorite of the three (actually, my favorite film of all time).  Though, I do have fond, yes fond, memories of the Ewok films, ‘The Ewok Adventure’ and ‘The Battle for Endor’.  I never saw the holiday special or was big into the Droids cartoon.

In 1997 I got the chance to see the films for the first time in cinemas with the Special Editions in which scenes and special effects were added or enhanced.  I was first in line for all three movies opening night and didn’t limit myself to one screening.  It was a moment I hadn’t really had to that point, seeing a previously released movie once again gracing theater screens (except for maybe an old Disney animated trope).

But just two years later, I would get to experience something different.  The first original Star Wars film since 1983 came soaring into our lives like an X-Wing, heroic and shiny.  ‘The Phantom Menace’ wasn’t a sequel to those movies from nearly two decades earlier, it was a PREQUEL.  At the time it was a new concept, daring to tell the back story of a beloved franchise while also telling its own story.

This would be a different experience from those who saw the original film in 1977.  They had no idea what was about to hit.  In 1999, we had the hindsight of three of the best movies ever to be produced to that point and since.  I remember seeing my first glimpse of Darth Maul, a character who made Darth Vader look like a French poodle.  The trailer for the film is credited with having boosted the first weekend box office of the flick ‘Meet Joe Black’ (this was before trailers were readily available on the Internet, kids).

The hype and marketing for this movie were unprecedented to that point in film history.  Star Wars, a surprise merchandising juggernaut after its release in the 1970’s paved the way for this movie to be branded on everything imaginable.  It was the Kiss of sci-fi/fantasy flicks.  It was the first time I ever remember there being a street date for toys, which took up an entire aisle at your local retailer.  And it was something that a new generation of Star Wars nerds could share in.

Then we saw the movie.  And it was a midnight show full of mixed reactions.  Some loved it, others downright hated it, and then there were people like me who wanted to love it so badly, but couldn’t ignore its obvious and glaring shortcomings.  Even calling them shortcomings is being nice in some cases of the missteps associated with ‘The Phantom Menace.’  I dreaded being asked the next morning at high school what I thought of it, because I’d have to admit this thing that I’d obsessed over just wasn’t very good.

Then there was ‘Attack of the Clones’ and ‘Revenge of the Sith.’  Each one improved immensely over the other, but still displayed issues that didn’t need to be there, and seemed to persist because of creator George Lucas’ involvement, a notion that pains fans to admit, but gives them a place to direct their distaste.  Many of the creative choices taken in those movies- bad dialogue, stilted direction for otherwise superb actors, and an onslaught of CGI porn for its own sake- were his doing and at his insistence.

The bottom line is there is a fair amount of distance between what George Lucas feels these movies are, and what they are/mean to the public who love them.

During that time we also had a Clone Wars cartoon that was more fantastic than the films it was meant to supplement.  That later morphed into another iteration which was equally if not more successful.  It went to show how much better others could do with Lucas’ property than he was able to.  He may have built the sandbox, but everyone else seemed to play in it with more success.

Fast forward a couple of years and Lucasfilm is sold to the Walt Disney Company.  So now the Mouse House owns Star Wars (and Indiana Jones).  Almost immediately there is talk of more movies.  But not just any movies.  Rumors begin circulating once again, as they had on and off since 1983, of sequels to the original trilogy of films…with original actors Mark Hamil, Carrie Fischer, and Harrison Ford reprising their roles from 30 years prior. THE HOLY GRAIL IN ALL OF MOVIE HISTORY.  And I don’t say that as hyperbole or over-exaggeration.  I truly believe there is no more asked for, desired, or necessary film sequel in all of time but that which would be labeled Episode VII.

Eventually it was announced, and there was celebrating like people in the square of Coruscant after the Empire was just brought down.  So much jubilation and excitement, but with a little trepidation and disbelief.  The pure joy that this was going to happen couldn’t be described by a film geek.  At the same time we’d seen this type of excitement before and been burned as if we’d been in a duel on Mustafar.

Each step of the process was met by mixed emotions by many fans.  They hired JJ Abrams to direct, a man whose abilities and love of Star Wars was matched by lens flares and a penchant to not have a story that was all too original or fantastic enough.  Lawrence Kasdan softened that blow, however, as one of the writers of the film.  He’s the guy many hold responsible for ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ being the film it was.  Just look at the way in which he wrote Yoda and compare it to the way Lucas did, and you could see who gave the diminutive Jedi his true voice.

Whatever other issues arose, they were met with glimmers of hope.  And when the main title theme sounded in theaters and across the Internet heralding in the trailers for the movie, it was like being a jilted lover wooed back to someone you knew just might not be no good for you, baby.  John Williams’ score is the siren song out of the Pied Piper’s flute calling the nerds to possible doom.  Or a wrinkly old man trying to tempt you to the dark side.

I don’t envy ‘The Force Awakens.’  It carries two equally crushing burdens by trying to live up to three of the greatest films ever made, and crawling out of the negative shadow cast by three of the biggest disappointments to be produced under the same banner.  It’s an awful predicament for all involved in the making of the movie and those who will see it.

Long, long story short…I want to be really excited.  I have become more and more excited as we get closer.  But I don’t want to jinx it.  I feel like I have the victims’ syndrome where I blame myself for the franchise’s past failures, and if I let my expectations get too high too much, I’m setting myself up for failure.  Maybe it’s just fear, and we all know where that can lead.  Perhaps I should just let go, search my feelings, and…Well, you get the idea.

All photos are probably property of Lucasfilm, which is owned by the Walt Disney Company.  Their use is to supplement my crappy little article.  Please don’t sue us.

Fans of the Marvel Universe who have been clamoring for more depictions of darkness and grit in their entertainment as far as it appears in television and movies can rest easy.  Marvel’s Jessica Jones has debuted on Netflix and it takes what Daredevil started earlier this year a step further into territory that you would never see in the Avengers universe at the cinema.

The premiere episode may not yet have been as action packed or as violent as Daredevil’s debut but it ramped up the drama and the characterization.  You want grit? You have grit. You want grime? It’s about as grimy as Marvel has ever been.  I’m not sure how much further they could go without making it feel like a novelty or a gimmick.  Our main character exists in a show that is filmed almost like a horror movie or some really dark crime drama or a combination of both.  She has a history and she is scarred from it, and she covers it up with alcoholism while also not being afraid to get down with the local bartender.

Speaking of that sexual liaison with a certain other Marvel hero- this is not a television show for children. I will repeat that this is not for kids.  There is a sex scene that is nearly on par with something you would see on HBO.

Krysten Ritter pulls it all off and then some, too. I wasn’t all that familiar with the character of Jessica Jones, and Ritter didn’t seem like the Marvel kind to me.  Her casting was a little left field, but I already can’t imagine anyone else in the role.

After viewing just the first episode I can tell you I would binge watch the shit out of this if I wasn’t so tired from working all day.  About halfway through episode one, I was invested in everything that was going on and interested to see what happened next.

Like many others I’m ecstatic that I’m finally witnessing a female led, comic book inspired television series that dares to treat women as regular human beings instead of playing up their gender or playing down their ability.  Jessica Jones is second fiddle to no one and for those who might upstage her, they too are mostly women.

I want to say it is a great credit to writer Melissa Rosenberg (who also created the series for Marvel) as well as director S.J. Clarkson that this first episode was staged in such a way that the villain Purple Man isn’t even really in it but his presence is more than felt and the way in which he devastates lives permeates every frame.  I can only imagine what David Tennant will do when he’s actually on screen saying lines and having scenes with other characters.

As I’ve been going into more episodes Tennant is winning at the role as one might say.

Shout outs need to be made for Carrie Anne Moss of the Matrix trilogy fame for playing the gender bent role of Hogarth, and Mike Colter as Luke Cage, who will be getting his own show in the not too distant future.  Both of the actors bring such a presence to their roles, like Ritter, it’s difficult to imagine anyone else portraying them.  Hell, I can’t think of too many actors in this show who don’t kick ass.

The Marvel Universe as it’s taking shape so far on the Netflix has been great, and there’s no reason to think it won’t continue.  Time will tell as we get season 2 of Daredevil, Luke Cage and others.  But right now they’ve been able to achieve something broadcast television counterparts like Agents of SHIELD have been unable to do (though, that program seems to always be on an upswing at this point, and Agent Carter is entertaining as hell).  The Netflix siblings are swinging for the fences right from the get go, and have almost zero missteps to mention.

I’m almost getting protective of these Not Ready for Primetime players that some fans might relegate to the ‘B’ list of characters.  The fact that these characters aren’t the big marquee names might be their greatest strength at taking chances the MCU most desperately needs at times.  I wouldn’t ever consider the MCU for children because they’ve dealt with some very adult themes and situations, but it sometimes does not seem to have the edge that the lack of theatrical or mainstream spotlight affords the Netflix universe.  I’d hate for a complete merging of these two corners of the MCU and the result be the Netflix properties suffer some kind of sanitizing.

Til that far off possibility I’ll be watching my new girlfriend Jessica Jones as she boozes, bangs, tries to atone, and saves some lives.

But with as many viewing options as exist, there are still plenty of places to give yourself a fright if not from a film in your personal collection.  Here are some of the Halloween movies that I hold near and dear.  Just to clarify, a good Halloween movie doesn’t have to mean a horror film.  We would end up in a semantic debate about what constitutes a horror film and whether or not many people’s favorite Halloween movies are actually horror or not.  A Halloween movie could be a thriller, suspense, horror, or even a family film.  So here a just a FEW of my personal favorites (cause I’m sure there are some I’m forgetting) and in no particular order.

Scream

The first R-rated movie I saw in theaters.  Up to then I’d sneaked peeks at Jason and Freddy and Stephen King adaptations on USA Network when they, too, showed Halloween movies.  I was 15 and Scream blew my mind.  Sure it gave rise to several sequels of varying degrees of quality (Part 2? Yay. Part 4? Nay), but the original was just that.  For about a decade prior to this flick, horror/slasher movies had been…lacking.  This changed the genre from a quick money maker with cringe worthy scripts and effects to something first class.  Which lasted for probably about five years before people crapped up horror again.

Shaun of the Dead

I didn’t see SotD until it was on DVD.  I rented it from one of those establishments that existed before streaming became a norm, and ended up sitting through three viewings of it in the same day. It blends every element it attempts together into one of the most entertaining experiences I’ve ever had with a movie.  Being scared and laughing are basically the same, physiologically speaking, and SotD gives both in abundance.

Ernest Scared Stupid

For many years, the exploits of one Ernest P. Worrell were a hot topic for a good portion of the world. Knowwhatimean, Vern?  He went to jail (wrongly accused), was a camp counselor (who sang to a turtle), saved mother loving Christmas, and then battled an evil troll who turned kids into wooden dolls in an effort to give birth to a legion of creatures.  Ernest Scared Stupid might not be the greatest movie, but thanks to this flick I still call milk ‘miak,’ refer to people as ‘booger lips’ on occasion, and recommend it for annual viewing.

Hocus Pocus

Unfortunately this Bette Midler vehicle is in danger of overload as ABC Family shows this about twenty times a week around Halloween.  But it still holds a certain charm, and I’m definitely a fan of movies in which a town or group seems cut off and isolated from the rest to deal with a supernatural antagonist.  There are witches, a zombie, talking cat, and songs!  Plus I have to admit Sarah Jessica Parker never looked better.

Pet Semetary

I’m not so sure this isn’t blasphemous to Stephen King or horror fans, but this is my favorite horror movie of all time, and my favorite Stephen King film (didn’t say adaptation because I haven’t read his books. Bad me, I know).  I really like the cast in Pet Semetary and it deals with the greatest dilemma of all in an interesting way- life and death and what we might do in response to our grief and loss.  No matter how many times I watch it, this flick still creeps the hell out of me.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch

The first movie rightly gets all the credit being it’s the original, but The New Batch is more in line for Halloween (the original is a CHRISTMAS flick, don’t let anyone tell ya different).  First of all, the fact this movie exists is amazing.  Going from part one to this is one of the biggest leaps a franchise could make.  But how would anyone even begin to craft a sequel without rehashing the first one?  The writers for Gremlins 2 answered that with making everything bigger and WAY insane.  And it’s awesome.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

Wes Craven had the idea for a movie within a movie long before his Scream partner in crime Kevin Williams with this not a sequel sequel to the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.  Craven’s involvement in the series was all but void since the third entry, and he came back with a vengeance to inject new life (or death, I suppose) into his own creation.  New Nightmare takes place in our reality where the Nightmare movies are just that, and now that no more are being made Freddy Krueger has been unleashed.  The only way to put him back is to produce a new movie with original star Heather Langenkamp.

The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t

This was one of those Disney aired television movies I relished so much.  Credit goes to RiffTrax for reminding me of this movie (though, it’s called The Night Dracula Saved the World, now).  All I remember is Judd Hirsch playing the titular role, a crazy mummy character who may or may not have danced, a fun monster chase, and a witch whose heart is softened by a little girl who idolizes her, thus convincing the witch to fly over the moon which results in Halloween continuing per usual and staying off the destruction of the planet.  Good stuff.

Now for some honorable mention:

Idle Hands

The Exorcist

The Frighteners

Mr. Boogedy

The Ring

And the scariest movie of them all?  Honey starring Jessica Alba.  So bad it chills you to the bone.  But not too bad if you’re drunk and watch it in French.

So what happens when characters that not even comic book fans really recognize or want to see on film make that leap to the big screen?  As we saw last year with Guardians of the Galaxy (yeah, comic fans nowadays HEARD of them, but no one was clamoring for a movie), fricking gold.  I didn’t know much, if anything, about the intergalactic squad of misfits, but when I heard the description of characters and whatnot, I was all in.

Not even a year later, Marvel’s Ant-Man is hitting the big screen, and fanboys have been howling online as to why he’s getting his own movie before other, more “worthy” characters.  Though, at the same time there has been a large group of vocal supporters, mostly due to the fact that the project has been long percolating even before the creation of Marvel Studios as we know it.

Edgar Wright, co-writer and director of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End worked with partner Joe Cornish on the script for damn near a decade.  The reason given was the same old “to get it right.” However, one can assume with Wright’s busy schedule and the changing face of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he had to keep altering it to be in line with everything.

Finally it was as fast-tracked as this project could ever get, and it was actually starting to catch some buzz (except from some of those pesky fanboys).  Ultimately, however, after Wright and Marvel working together for longer than most Hollywood marriages, it ended in the same way when Wright left the project.  From the sounds of it, Marvel really liked Wright’s vision, but wanted it Diet Wright (Now With More Marvel).

Peyton Reed (Bring it On, Yes Man, Down With Love) took over and star Paul Rudd did a few rewrites with Adam McKay (like every Will Ferrell movie ever).  These changes brought on some added worry for the project, but if I’ve learned anything from my time being a nerd who’s WAY too into movies- the gambles are the big pay offs.  Usually.

And in Marvel’s case, I think the changing of the guard, so to speak, is a welcome one.  The general public and geeks might still love Tony Stark and Robert Downey Jr playing the character, but there is some fatigue growing in regards to his solo silver screen escapades.

After all this set up, does Ant-Man deliver the goods and shut up the detractors?  You’d be hard pressed to find a lot of fault with the movie.  It might not be their best effort, but Ant-Man is the most FUN Marvel Studios has had this side of Rocket Raccoon in a long time.  There are moments that had an auditorium full of people laughing, and others that had them engaged in the action.  I was definitely one of those people.

We begin in the late 1980’s with a really bad CGI de-aged Michael Douglas as Hank Pym, a character who was the original Ant-Man and in the comics the creator of bad guy Ultron.  He’s having a meeting with Agent Carter (gorgeous at any age), Howard Stark (once again played by Mad Men guy), and some asshole who plays the role of mean business suit guy who wants to use powerful technology for nefarious reasons.

Pym tells them all to blow it out their ass and takes with him the Pym Particle, a substance used to decrease the distance between atoms (shrinking formula).

Fast forward to the present day and Scott Lang has just been released from prison for burglary (he’s one of the nicest criminals cause he’s like Robin Hood), and he tries to stay straight despite going back to hanging out and living with the kind of people that could make him relapse.  And he does, supposedly to loot a rich man’s vault in which he only finds a suit with a helmet.  So he takes it anyway.

You guessed it…it’s the Ant-Man suit!

Pym and Lang end up joining forces with each other and Pym’s daughter Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly, of who I am becoming a BIG fan) to steal tech from Pym’s usurped company that tries to replicate his shrinking shtick.  The culprit is Pym’s former protégé Darren Cross (Corey Stoll) who has such bad daddy issues with Pym one wonders what kind of messed up bullshit he had with his real father.

The normal hootenanny goes down of good versus evil with the twist of a heist movie, and a hero who can telepathically talk to and work with various species of ants.  And it really worked for me.  I like the characters and the actors cast to play them, especially Rudd who went to the Star-Lord school for heroism it seems, and most everyone else has their moments, too.  This flick also has the addition of a youngling in the form of Lang’s daughter, Cassie, a first for a Marvel movie to have a familial tie such as this.

The weakest point is probably going to have to be the villain.  Stoll is a great actor, and the Yellowjacket suit he eventually dons looks rad, but the daddy issue and businessman motivation is a little thin.  Though, if this movie does explore one thing I think is interesting it’s that those are the very people pulling the strings a lot of the time.

Sure, there are people transformed by circumstance and substances, but it’s the men and women in formal wear who are really mucking up the world (and universe). Captain America and Hulk might be very different super soldiers cut from the same cloth, but they are both the result of military desire.  Black Widow is who she is because of manipulative folks who want a weapon.  And Ant-Man and his foe are both essentially the pawns of others.

Talking with some friends after the movie, I’m a little disappointed in one regard to having the Marvel slate of movies laid out for the next couple years.  While there’s a Guardians sequel coming our way, Ant-Man is so far (as far as we know) being relegated to cameos or seemingly minor roles in that slate.  But I’d much rather see another Ant-Man than I would a Thor or even Iron Man.

My only fear, however, is that by the time we perhaps do get a direct sequel to this, the property will suffer the same fatigue and become another version of those heroes where we see them playing it just a little too safe.  For now though, Ant-Man is straddling the line quite well, and even though there might be a better, or at least different version we will never see, this one is good enough that we won’t think about it all that much.

P.S. – Marvel is back to form with a scene at the very end of the credits as well as a mid-credits bit.  Both are pretty sweet in their own right, and go to further both Ant-Man and the greater MCU.

Now, to recalculate the Marvel Movie Standings as has become tradition.  Where do I have Ant-Man fitting in with all the others?

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
2. The Avengers
3. Guardians of the Galaxy
4. Iron Man

5. Ant-Man

6. Captain America: The First Avenger
7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
8. Iron Man 3
9. Thor: The Dark World
10. The Incredible Hulk
11. Thor

12. Iron Man 2

I’m also in the middle ground of fans who like the third film, Rise of the Machines.  It’s nowhere near as good as T1 or T2, but it has its own kind of fun, and I enjoyed that a movie from a big studio would allow that kind of an ending.  But T3 is lumped in with many a third entry in franchises, and disliked by quite a few.  So the unenviable task for Genisys is if it can stand next to the original and Judgment Day.

As much as I was looking forward to a reinvention for the Terminator, it does not stand with those revolutionary films.  It’s not nearly as bad as Salvation, but I think I’d still prefer to watch Rise of the Machines over Genisys.  Which pains me to say, because this newest entry isn’t really bad, it just doesn’t live up to its potential.  If not for a few miscues it could have really been a great movie.

Genisys follows the basic story laid out by previous entries, and I swear a few nods to even the third and fourth films.  Going all the way to the 80’s original, human savior leads a revolt of humans in a victory over the machines that have enslaved and exterminated the earth’s population.  However, the program governing the machines, Skynet, launches a final offensive by sending back a Terminator cyborg to kill John’s mother Sarah before she can give birth to the greatest leader in human history.

John sends back Kyle Reese, one of his soldiers and the man destined to father John while in the past, to protect his mother and ensure his birth.  All this is as it was in previous movies, but now as we see Reese sent back, there is an attack on John, and history is changed from what we know it to be.  Reese has double memories of two timelines, another Terminator was sent back to protect Sarah at a younger age, and a few other mysteries linger as to what ramifications these changes have had.

This is just the latest in a series of franchise filmmaking to use the newest plot device, thanks to time travel, of “resetting” a fictional history so as to be able to explore familiar territory in new ways.  The first J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek film did this famously, or infamously, and might now seem to be a way to revitalize other franchises such as Terminator.  And honestly, it wasn’t too bad of an idea, but the execution was just a wee off.

The best I can surmise is that the more digital we get in society, and in movie making, the more the product suffers.  Just as in Jurassic World, digital special effects and a more modern look take away from what we’re seeing.  Watching that movie, and now watching this, I couldn’t help but think how much better the effects looked in the older versions.  This is especially true when you see the T-1000 of Genisys, a creation that doesn’t look nearly as good as his 1991 counterpart did.

These new movies lack that sense of feeling, of a world that’s lived in.  The best comparison would be the original Star Wars movie to the prequels.  The aesthetic is too clean, too refined.  In Genisys, we see future soldiers of humanity who are far more organized and uniform (even with their uniforms) than I remember in the original Terminator.

And in a movie about man versus machine, we need better actors than what we have here.  The person with the most personality is the cyborg for the love of Pete.  I really have nothing against Jai Courtney, except for the fact that he seems to be taking a lot of roles from actors who would be better suited for them.  Here we have a Kyle Reese who could be the stand in for a lower budget Terminator instead of an everyman like Michael Biehn or even Anton Yelchin (one of the bright spots of Salvation).  It’s a real downgrade for the character.

Emilia Clarke, girl from Game of Thrones, is in a tough spot as Sarah.  Who in her right mind would want to follow in the footsteps of Linda effin’ Hamilton?  But she does pretty good in the role, caught somewhere between the Sarah who has yet to discover her importance and the one who escapes from an institution and teaches her son how to save the world.

I will say that J.K. Simmons has a pretty interesting role, and when it is made known who he is, one can see where the writers are going with him.  It’s small for Genisys, but I have a feeling he becomes much more in future installments.  That’s if we can get there through this first movie in what is a proposed trilogy, and it makes the oodles of money it needs to.

A lot of the disappointment with the Terminator movies as we continue along, I think, stem from what could be described as a feeling that the movies are simply retreads of material we’ve already seen, and places we’ve already been.  Not just that, but also because there is quite possibly a gold mine of stories that could come out of the mythology, and we haven’t seen them because those in charge are playing it safe.

The thing about Genisys, however, is that the conceit of the story has the audience deliberately witnessing ground we’ve already covered as being essential to the plot.  It’s a mix of the aforementioned 2009 Star Trek and Back to the Future Part II.  I’m hoping it’s something that is a necessary hump to do what they need to do in order to move forward.  If not, it might be time to bring in new blood, er, circuitry, or abandon the series altogether before even the original films are tarnished.

As much of a retread is needed for this story to be pulled off, there was one twist that is a HUGE departure from the Terminator mythology, and they gave it away with second damn trailer released for the movie!  I don’t normally care about spoilers, but when you put in the trailer and ON THE POSTER that John Connor has been changed into a Terminator…W.T.F., indeed.  In a movie where we really have seen everything it’s got to offer, why give away the one thing that could have been a great holy shit moment?

One last note, and we have Marvel to thank for this trend, there is a small scene mid-credits. So, yeah.

The franchise isn’t yet terminated, but it’s going to have to be better than this to survive its own judgment day.