As Little Dwayne blasts from an iPod mix as a tattooed youth strolls through Facebook on their MacBook chatting about their day with a new crush. We’ve moved beyond the days of Frank Sinatra and who “truly” won the Nixon/Kennedy debate (but all know who really won). Times have changed but have they in the world of Rom Coms?

What are the recurring themes and motifs?

Montages, montages, and more montages. You can’t go wrong with a montage set to the cinematic equivalent of department store music. There are a few types o’ montages in these films. The initial dating montage; where they gradually get more comfortable with each other and kiss for the first time. The falling in love montage; where they start having sex, having brunch, and incorporating them into their family and friend circles. The falling out of love and the breakup montage; these are similar enough but slightly different. When you break it down it’s the man is alone and/or hanging with his friends but something is amiss, same happens to the girl. Finally there’s the getting back together montage; where they rekindle the romance that had faded, get married, and/or have a baby.

On the topic of friends, in the old films the man is a strong manly man loner with no friends because men don’t need a support system of friends with similar interests that can help you out. Things are a little bit different this time around. Dudes have a few best buds, 2 to 3 usually. These friends fit into a few categories. The Black friend, he is Black and usually seen with his buds or with Black women. Only Black, he is never Korean or Mexican or Estonian or anything else. It’s good to see some diversity but there be more. For example Ludacris in No Strings Attached. The loser friend, he is more of a loser and fatter than the main character, typically there is a joke about porn at him. Also he is single or a failing relationship. For example, Josh Gad in Love and Other Drugs. The weird friend, similar to loser friend but he’s more weird than lonely possibly a stoner. For example Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook (he’s the main character but this combined the main guy with the weird friend type). One of the main things keeping all these guys friends is basketball. If they aren’t shown playing basketball, you see them coming from playing it. Universally the friends are bro douchebags that don’t wanna get tied down in a relationship because come on, being in a happy stable relationship is horrid.

Instead of courting each other in a very chaste and traditional manner, people be fuckin’. The two lovers tend to start out as sex buddies but it doesn’t stay that way. The guy develops feelings first. Men can fall in love too but women also like sex. This causes conflict. She doesn’t want to ruin the situation. However eventually she realizes that she loves him too. I need to mention again like in the prior article, the movies I watched were heteronormative, a man and woman fall in love. Back to the article, the formula is reversed in who falls in love first. So that’s an improvement.

There are two more, one that’s really glaring and the other is odd. Their family life isn’t always bright and cheery when you take a closer look at their family situation. The glaring one was the successful sibling that has it all. They either are getting married or happily married already. This of course makes our lovers jealous and realize they need to find love to be a full, validated person. For example Josh Gad in Love and Other Drugs, he’s both the loser friend and successful sibling. Or the sibling can be super rich, like Josh Gad, because you can only be happy with you are rich and married. The odd theme I noticed was the guy has a strained and complicated relationship with his dad. It isn’t talked about and barely explained, if at all. It doesn’t go much beyond this.

So in modern Rom Coms, dudes and dads don’t get along, dude’s friends think commitment is for wimps, there is no such thing as too many montages (Love and Other Drugs has at least 5, it’s insane), and people be fuckin’.

Is the romance creepy at all?

Here’s the thing it isn’t. Maybe it’s because I’m comparing these films to films like The Apartment but dudes can be a little overbearing which is about it. The worst thing that happened in this regard is the guy shows up at her job unannounced a couple times but it’s discussed between them shortly after this. It is creepy behavior but at least he isn’t memorizing her address and social security number. You even get to see how they court each other from the female perspective, which is barely explored in the old films. So it isn’t that creepy really. Again, the dude can be a little overbearing but he is not a disgusting, grotesque monster in human flesh like C.C. Baxter.

Will there be a “Happily Ever After?”

It’s possible. They both appear to respect each other and treat each other like equals. This is better than say something like The Apartment. This probably taints my opinion of modern Rom Coms. There could be a “Happily Ever After,” but it depends on the specific situation.

In Review

The film I liked the most was Charade. I know it’s bizarre I picked one of the old ones. It manages to be part thrilling adventure and part Rom Com but balanced well. It did in fact have some not great aspects but it is tolerable and the overall movie is just a fun delight. Audrey Hepburn is great, Cary Grant is almost as good as her, but Walter Mathieu steals the show though.

The film I was most disappointed by was Silver Linings Playbook. It isn’t bad but it sure isn’t good. The performances were good enough but it managed to be boring. It’s just a meh, average movie. I’m probably not the right person for it.

The film I thought was complete garbage was…The Apartment. You know why.

In 50 years Rom Coms have really evolved. Unlike Dystopian Future movies, the differences are as clear as day. It’s really insane to see what was once considered romantic in mainstream films a mere 50 years ago. Women went from being the helpless victim to a real person and not a plot device. They are still portrayed in an unequal less dynamic way compared to men but things are looking much better than they were. They aren’t being kept in a stranger’s apartment anymore. They can be people and actual characters with agency. Up next, I will tackle another genre but that will be revealed in due time.

What are recurring themes and motifs?

Love is in the air, Frank Sinatra fills the airwaves, and the Nixon/Kennedy debate is the hot news on everyone’s tongue. This is a time when men were men and women are discouraged from expressing their opinions. Even when it comes to matters of love and romance, men have more privilege. If a man is in love with a woman, he can do many things women can’t. This really reeks in the wake of current attitudes, based on these films. Some of them include:

1) Lying, it is perfectly acceptable and romantic if a man spins a web of lies to ‘get’ a girl. Honesty isn’t the best policy, it’s for suckers and nerds.

2) Showing up regularly to where his crush works that he only talked to once is totally fine.

3) He doesn’t have to be handsome. He usually looks fine but the woman is to be the peak of beauty a la Audrey Hepburn or Katherine Hepburn. No Joan Blondells or Sue Randalls allowed.

However it isn’t all that bad for women. They can be sassy but it comes at a price. It means being unlucky in love. The only guy they can ring in is a total misogynist jerk that don’t respect her or their wife. On the other hand she will fall head over heels in love with the good guy but can’t tell him. When she does finally does, he proposes and reciprocates the feeling. It also happens to be the end and around Christmas. Only Christmas not Valentine’s Day the most romantic holiday, not Thanksgiving the family values holiday, and never Flag Day where you know, you remember there are flags. The last major thing I noticed was that the guy is a loner. He doesn’t have any friends because he’s a strong manly man. Was it too feminine to have close guy friends if you were a guy? That’s what it feels like and it’s a little bit weird. He doesn’t even have one friend. If he has none then that should be a warning sign. In conclusion it’s ok for men to be jerks as long as it’s for love.

Is the romance creepy at all?

This was briefly touched upon in the prior segment but holy shit the behavior from these “good guys” is borderline serial killer/sociopath behavior. Granted, most of it comes from The Apartment, the other ones aren’t clean either.

Exhibit #1: In The Apartment our “hero” C.C. Baxter during his first real conversation with his love interest the sassy Fran Kubelik, he tells her that he memorized her social security number, address, and who she lives with. The worst part of this is, she isn’t creeped out and acts like that is acceptable behavior. It isn’t. That’s stalking, no one should be cool with it.

Exhibit #2: In The Apartment our “hero” C.C. Baxter lies to Fran to keep her in his apartment so that she won’t tell the police or her family that she tried to kill herself. He creates a spiraling web of lies so she has to stay there. This is horrible behavior that no one in a romantic situation with another person should just blindly accept. Not only is it totally fine to lie but she tried to end her life. That is a serious thing that needs to be taken seriously and not pushed to the side. It’s not okay even though it was for love.

Exhibit #2.5: This was mentioned before but it needs to be addressed. It’s totally fine to lie to a woman as long as it’s for love. This promotes creating an entirely new identity instead of being your true self to the woman you love. I say woman because these films are heteronormative, where a man and woman, and only a man and woman fall in love. Back to the article, lying like this can lead to a toxic, unequal relationship.

Exhibit #3: This is related to the lying, if a man loves a woman it’s totally ok to psychologically break her down for love. Again in The Apartment, our “hero” keeps lying to her and thus breaking her down. This creates a Stockholm syndrome situation. This is gross, irresponsible, and wrong. I don’t think that if you truly are in love you treat your partner in a condescending, disgusting way and keep them as a prisoner in your home.

For the record, these behaviors happen in the other films but it isn’t nearly as egregious as in The Apartment. So the romance is very, very creepy and one-sided.

Will there be a “Happily Ever After?”

Of course not, this will lead to a terrible, unhealthy relationship.

Next up, Modern Rom Coms, have they changed? Are men just as creepy? Do women actually have a say in the matter? Find out when you read Rom Coms: Now and Then Part 2: The Quickening.