Here’s a quick catch up of the Johnson clan’s latest adventures; Zeb learned that Axl and his family are gods, Anders was irritating, Mike was really boring, Rob woke up from a coma and Gaia has a boyfriend now. For reference; Mike is Ullr, god of games and hunting, Anders is Bragi, god of poetry, Olaf is Baldr, god of light, Ty is Hoor, god of winter, Axl is Odin, allfather of the gods, Stacey is Fulla, Frigg’s handmaiden, Michele is Sjofn, goddess of love, Eva is Frigg, marriage goddess, Eva’s dad is Loki, the flimflammer, and Ingrid is Snotra, goddess of wisdom.

Episode 9, “Hunting Reindeer on Slippery Rocks,” starts with a montage of Michelle and Stacey prepping Eva for a special date. Anders is prepping his baby brother, Axl, for a special date. I wonder if these two totally different events are related. Axl and Eva have dinner at Dracula’s abandoned New Zealand home. It looks like a set from the Hannibal series. Their date starts out a little awkward. She complains about her dad being a prick, he’s basically Anders but the same, so naturally Axl decides to approach her dad for her without telling her. Her dad is a lawyer, a charming, trickster, Norse god lawyer. A Loki-like lawyer if you will. He scares Axl away, who scurries back to his grandpa/cousin, Olaf.

The brothers are curious about how Ty and Dawn have relations. It’s a little strange. Ty’s skin is cold all the time thus she assumes he has a health problem. So he sleeps and does other things in a winter coat. They can’t go for too long though because she’ll freeze to death. I wonder if this will return in anyway. Back to the main story, Loki visits his daughter, Eva, which upsets her. She assumes Axl made caused this. Axl tells her dad is a little bit of a sly trickster with a terrible soul patch. To spite him they get engaged. Gaia and Zeb are confused as they should be. Ty and Dawn are planning a tropical vacation but he loves the cold. How will they resolve this? They are still great and adorable. They get down to some sexy business. Afterwards she lays her finger on his neck as they fall asleep and nearly freezes to death. Ty discovers the horror in the morning.

Things get real boring here. Mike has to do boring Mike stuff. Loki gives him a marriage contract (a trick mayhaps) because of silly god stuff. Mike is skeptical. Olaf the oracle can’t read it, it’s in runes. He calls them ‘dancing trees.’ Olaf has to ask Ingrid but his brothers don’t trust her. She also thinks the runes are ‘dancing trees.’ Big problem who can read runes, Ingrid’s former boss, according to her it’s a perfectly, not suspicious at all, no tricks, safe ordinary marriage contract. It’s a bunch of traditional Norse god stuff. Ty is flipping out over Dawn. Zeb sneaks into Axl’s marriage contract signing. It’s a bunch of weird god stuff. Mike knows Zeb is there (then he gets nearly incinerated by the grill), the end.

Axl and Eva’s date. Hannibal was nice enough to let them use his home.

Episode 10, “Like Jesus, Only Cooler,” Gaia and Axl patiently wait to see Zeb. Ty walks by with flowers. He breaks up with Dawn after giving her flowers. You know the classic, not confusing thing everyone does when breaking up. Ty walks out in a very dramatic fashion. Gaia and Axl finally act on their vigorous, regressed passions. Axl has reservations about the wedding, what will he do? The gods and goddesses are getting ready for a wedding party but while Mike is prepping, Val drops a truth bomb. She’s pregnant with Rob’s baby, the twist that no one saw coming.

The party is a formal affair where even Olaf is dressed up. Ty is very intense and cold. It gets worse when Eva arrives. They see each other and something happens. There’s a special connection between them, this won’t come up later. Every time Axl tries to talk to Eva, something keeps getting in the way. Axl lifts Anders ban on sex and he instantly goes for Michele. Ty and Eva argue very passionately but something weird happens. All the food around her decays as if it’s dying. That’s weird, is it a sign, yep. The boss goddess is finally given a name…Freya, goddess of prosperity. Axl cancels the wedding but that contract had a twist if a Johnson bro doesn’t marry Eva, Mike will die. I don’t see the problem but they want to save Mike for some dumb reason.

Eva is not Frigg, she’s Hel, goddess of the underworld and death. She’s overjoyed. Now, she’s queen of the Goths. Loki knew this the whole time, typical Loki. Ty has furious sex with Eva. Gaia and Axl’s magic is fading unfortunately, she leaves with Jacob to sort things out. Val and Rob leave to start a new interesting life together. Zeb is back. Ty marries Eva because they’re the same; moody and cold. Olaf, Axl, and Mike keep searching for Frigg. Mike decides to use his powers finally and stop being lame. Anders meets with Freya. He tries to bang her but she reveals herself to be…his mother, the end…of season 1.

The Bros leaving Loki’s. Ty is the vampire in the middle.

I have a few thoughts on these episodes. By far the best episode so far was the finale. It was the type of crazy insanity I was hoping the whole show would have been. Tonally the last episodes felt like Big Trouble in Little China, where it started out relatively sane but things get exponentially crazier as it went along. The rest of the season however was like a rollercoaster with a couple of small, vaguely exciting hills every so often but not very often though. Mike finally wasn’t the blandest person on the planet. The big reveal of Eva being Hel wasn’t the shocking reveal they would be; given she’s a Goth, she’s a butcher, looks like Robert Smith, and wears exclusively black and fishnets.

Don’t get the wrong idea there were problems. The main thing that irks me is the mystery of who pays for Axl and Zeb’s rent is still unsolved however there’s a crack in the case. Zeb casually mentioned he flips burger all day but Axl is still a mystery. Axl’s behavior in these doesn’t fit a 21 year old. I get it’s about him growing up and accepting responsibility but he could of maybe gotten a job at same point to pay his fuckin rent. Who pays his rent? I just want to know who pays his bills. WHO?! This can be solved with just a line of dialogue, that’s all! At one point Ty was wearing a Jay Leno suit, denim on denim on denim. That being said, Ty and Dawn’s romance aka my favorite thing about the show was killed by the death goddess appropriately. It was clever but a little on the nose. There was too much Zeb. No one likes Zeb. He adds nothing. I don’t see the point of him. Axl’s flat should have been just him and Gaia, slowly falling for each other. There was too much story. Too much happened too fast. It felt like building up to this point, they suddenly remembered that they needed to wrap up the story with the last two episodes left and threw out too many ideas. That would explain the tortoise crawl of the first 4/5 of the season morphing into the rocket ship to Nicholas Ca-ageville.

Eva, Queen of the Goths.

It took me about 6 episodes to finally get into it. I liked it but it wasn’t great. That being said, it moved at a good pace. It never slogged too bad. My favorite characters were Dawn and the goddesses, specifically Eva. Where the brothers Johnson (don’t be gross) are stupid and petty. They don’t look like brothers at all. The goddesses, Michelle, Stacey, Freya (her human name wasn’t said), Eva, and Ingrid were actually cunning, smart and far more interesting than the dude bros ever were.

Anders being a douchebag can’t be stated enough, he’s a terrible person inside and out. I barely scratched the surface of him being a horrid, borderline sociopath. The overall story was dull and not fulfilling. It just dragged and felt empty. I never felt any dread or fear for the characters besides Ty and Dawn. There were spots of interesting stuff happening but it always veered back into stupid pretty quick. For example in the 9^th episode Zeb saw the contract ceremony from many feet away in the bushes but he knew exactly what was happening and saw every little detail. It made no sense and was never mentioned again. The acting was good enough except for Zeb. My final verdict on the series…I enjoyed it but won’t revisit it anytime soon.

Now, the real question, the most important question of all…Will I recap the rest of the series? I won’t say it’s a definite no. However, it’s not likely but maybe in the future. All seven of you loyal readers that actually read these, thank you.

Episode 7 aka “Bad Things Happen,” starts where the last left off. Axl and Mike are building a house. Axl is interning there and not making money thus furthering the mystery of who pays for his rent. Some dude steals Mike’s truck but who cares Mike is boring. Axl and Zeb are hanging out later then Gaia shows up with a handsome man. It’s her boyfriend, Jacob the Jeweler. Apparently they hooked up the weekend when Axl was busy with Thor’s daughter. Gaia and Jacob go spend a lover’s weekend together. Axl and Zeb decide to drink their feelings away for the weekend instead of find jobs to pay their rent.

Axl can’t get drunk so they break into Anders apartment. Axl uses his powers to rip off the front door. Zeb is suspicious. Mike and Valerie got in a fight over money stuff. He goes to a bar and gives in finally does something interesting, uses his powers to win money. His god power is winning at games. He plays darts a little too well. Seeing people play darts is extremely boring. They did a five minute montage of not exhilarating darts.

Axl and Zeb hang out and keep drinking at Anders place. Axl still can’t get drunk enough to forget about Gaia. Suddenly three very attractive ladies stop by. They’re looking for Anders. They noticed the door was broken and saw that as an invitation, the classic sign. Zeb tries to hook up. Axl is too sad. They party for a bit. One of them pulls out a white powder. It’s “like coke” apparently. Axl and Zeb without question snort lines. Mike moved from a bar to a casino and wins a bunch of money. He gets questioned for cheating and ends up getting the cute redhead blackjack dealer fired. They hang out for the rest of night. She wants to know his secret.

The blackjack dealer challenges him to numerous arcade games and he always wins, in another boring montage. Valerie calls he ignores it. The cute redhead dealer invites him back to her place he honorably declines. Back at Anders’ place, Zeb is partied out. Anders shows up, they party. The ladies reveal their plans. They were wronged by Anders and will neuter him. Anders snorted the “coke” which was horse tranquilizer; Anders is out. Axl is still sober and handcuffed to a chair. He breaks free and saves Anders. He declares that Anders will be celibate since he’s Odin. Zeb learns Axl’s secret. Mike learns that Rob woke up from his coma, the end.

Episode 8 aka “I Can Give You Frigg,” the goddesses are having a meeting. Ingrid is late, she had a surf lesson date with Olaf. They debate on what to do about this stupid scam thing that Anders started to find Frigg, it’s not worth getting into. Basically it will expose who is of Norse blood thus finding Frigg. Olaf, Anders, and Axl are hanging out, Anders shows off his plan. I have a feeling Frigg will be important to this episode. Mike is stressed about the Rob thing. After the coma, he married Rob’s fiancée, Valerie. Anders has a plan to make money off of Rob waking up. It’s vaguely defined. Basically Valerie and Rob will be hanging out a lot and maybe rekindle their romance.

Rob and Mike hang out at the bar where the coma happened. Rob is adjusting to new technology. They talk about boring Mike stuff. The goddess Stacey visits a butcher’s shop and is mystified by the clerk. It’s Frigg. Her name’s Eva, a goth singer-songwriter/butcher. Rob moves into Mike’s home so now Olaf needs to find a new home. He goes to Anders. Michele and Stacey go see Eva perform and she’s a special lady. She might be Frigg. They keep Eva a secret.

Mike, Valerie, and Rob watch home tapes from when Val and Rob were together. Mike leaves it’s weird. Stacey, Michele, and Ingrid quit and go solo. Michele offers Anders Frigg. Ingrid sees Eva and faints. She accidently reveals where Eva is. The boss goddess tries to find steal Eva away but fails. Anders and Axl go see Eva perform. It’s Frigg. The boss goddess goes to Eva’s estranged father, Loki aka a lawyer dude.

These episodes were boring. I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other. Mainly it’s because too much Mike. I don’t want to see his boring life anymore. I want to see Ty and Dawn’s romance grow and develop into true love. That being said, Ty and Dawn only show up once during these two. The goddesses are finally relevant to the story but too little too late the fun vacuum aka Mike is right there. I can’t put into words just how boring Mike is. I understand he’s the responsible one aka Dan McCoy aka Cyclops but at least make him interesting. I don’t care about his marriage problems. Valerie is just as boring as he is. I want her to cheat with Rob then at least something happen. The mystery of how Zeb and Axl pay for anything continues. I want answers, Who Pays Their Rent!? There still is no mention of a job or anything from them. I’m now realizing I want the show to be The Notebook or an Amanda Seyfried rom-com but replace Ryan Gosling with the Norse Winter god vampire named Ty and Rachel McAdams with the adorable and interesting Dawn. They’re the best part of the show easily. However, I can honestly say that I like this show. I never thought I would, anything is possible. It’s not great but it moves at a good pace and is interesting enough to keep my attention. I now have two episodes left of Season 1.

Next up the conclusion of season 1, “Hunting Reindeer on Slippery Rocks,” and “Every Good Quest Has a Sacrifice.”